Please help with my Keyword conundrum

[AnthonyStaniforth]

Hi all,
I'm not exactly new to IM but am still trying different options.
I'm struggling a little with my KW research. I am attempting to find a suitable long tailed KW for to use in my bum marketing efforts in the dating/picking up women niche. Now my problem is that according to all and sundry all I have to do is find a long tailed KW with less than 1000 searches a month and then put that long tailed KW in quotes in Google and when I find one with less than 6000 competing sites I'm onto a potential winner (I know there's more checking to do but bear with me)
Now here's where I hit my problem. I've been searching for hours and even long tailed KW's with a couple of hundred searches a month seem to have 10's of thousands of optimized sites on Google.
I'm confused though as many of these searches with high numbers of competing sites on them will have an EZA article or squidoo page at or near the top. But I'm told to not even look at them if there are too many sites on Google for that KW.
I know it's a highly competitive niche but the confusion is that even the low volume search terms have massive amounts of competing site.
Do I give up or am I missing something ?
many thanks,
Anthony