Stupid Forum Tricks

There are lots of dumbass things people do on lots of forums, but posting about those here is pointless. (See Stupid Forum Trick #4.)

If you want to make this place even better (hard as that may be to imagine), don't do dumb things.

Here's a list of what I see as the Top 10.


10. "Thank you, thank you. A thousand times, thank you."

Clicking the "Thank you" button and then posting a thank you in the thread, with nothing else added. It's silly, but at least it's an error made in an attempt at courtesy.

If you must thank someone twice for the same thing, why not make the second one a PM? That keeps it off the main board and shows more real appreciation at the same time.

Suggested response: Ignore it. But try not to do it yourself.


9. "Buy My Crap!"

Spamming forums is stupid. Still, the garden variety "drive by" spam is pretty harmless here since the switch to member moderation.

More annoying are the idiots who create several accounts to use to generate discussion, just so they can point it to someone's product or WSO.

This is only a low priority on the list because so few people actually do it.

Suggested response: When they're caught, fire up the printers and give them a product enema.


8. "Why Johnny Can't Search"

Asking the same question that 10,000 people have asked here before just wastes people's time and clogs up the board. On the flip side, it may bring important questions to the attention of people who hadn't thought of them. All in all, probably a wash.

Suggested response: Point them to the search function.


7. "The Bureau of Repetitive Redundancies Department"

Quoting an entire long post in order to respond to it. This is especially annoying when done in conjunction with #10.

Quoting 50 or 100 lines to add three sentences is just silly. It adds load to the database, makes people scroll more, makes it harder for scanners and skimmers to follow the thread, and makes you look like a clueless newbie.

It's easy to isolate the parts to which you want to respond. Just put quote tags around each section. That looks (almost) like this:

{quote}Quoted text to which you're responding.{/quote}

Replace the curly brackets with square brackets and you get this:

Enclose each section from the original you're responding to in separate sets of brackets, leaving out the extraneous content. Makes it much easier to follow the discussion.

Suggested response: Point them to this blog post. Or just explain it to them.


6. "Only 3,000 More to Go!"

Those were all pretty minor. Now we get into the really annoying stuff.

Posting a ton of one-liners, often saying exactly the same thing, is an obvious gambit. It's a ploy to increase your post count, usually with the idea of getting enough to post a WSO.

Don't bother. All you'll do is get your account nuked and have to start all over. Say something useful, or shut up until you can. Or ask an intelligent question and discuss the responses like an adult. At least then someone might benefit from your activity.

Suggested response: Look at their recent posts to make sure that's what they're doing. If it is, use the report button (the little yellow triangle with the exclamation point, below your name on the left side of the forum) to alert the admin folks. Tell them exactly what the person is doing.


5. "1 Out of 1 Dentists Surveyed Recommend..."

This one can be actively dangerous.

Clue Time: You are not the market.

The fact that you have a preference does not mean that everyone else has the same preference. The fact that something makes you leave a site doesn't mean it's a bad marketing technique overall.

The fact that you don't like something doesn't mean it's bad.

Saying "I hate pop-ups" is fine. Saying "I hate pop-ups. Using them is just a good way to annoy your visitors and lose money" is NOT fine.

You are not the market. Get over it.

Clue Two: The fact that 12 other people pop-up in the thread agreeing with you does not mean you're right. It means that 12 other people with a predisposition to complain saw what you said and jumped on the bandwagon.

People who dislike something are far more likely to talk about it publicly than people who like it or who just don't care. That's why negative opinions in forums are so often 100% opposite of what works in the real world.

Suggested response: Remind them that testing is more meaningful than random complaints. Then ignore their pronouncements until they grow up.


4. "Mommy, Johnny Next Door is Picking On Me!"

EzineArticles.com is bouncing your crap... err... "quality content." GetResponse won't let you import your list of 200,000 subscribers, even though the company you bought them from guarantees they're "100% Double Opt-In." Aweber switched your list to confirmed opt-in because you got too many complaints, and now you're "losing subscribers."

What do you expect anyone here to do about it? If you don't like their policies, go somewhere else.

Yes, these are important companies in the business. Yes, they're big players.

Maybe that should be a Clue, eh? Do you think they might have gotten that way because they know something you don't?

Nah. Couldn't be. You have An Opinion. (See Stupid Forum Trick #5.)

Suggested response: Tell them they have the wrong number. Customer Service for Company XYZ can be found at http://www.xyz.com


3. "I'll Fix That Bastich!"

Related closely to Stupid Forum Trick #4, this is when people come in here blasting away at some person or company, often claiming they couldn't get a refund or they weren't getting replies to multiple emails, and accusing them of running a scam.

Even if it's true, this isn't the place for it.

Most of the time, it's not true. It's usually someone attempting to use the leverage of this forum as a way to blackmail someone into doing things the way they want them done. When the details can be verified, they rarely look anything like what was originally posted.

Or, nearly as often, it's a complete lie, told with the intent of hurting someone the poster has a pointless grudge against.

No, you are NOT "protecting" the rest of the members by alerting them to "problem companies." Even if you were, the preponderance of slanted reports and outright lies makes it bad policy to allow this sort of post.

Suggested response: Tell them they have the wrong number. Customer Service for Company XYZ can be found at http://www.xyz.com

Then click the little yellow triangle to report the post.


2. "I'm a Spiteful Loser. How Can I Prove It?"

Answer: Click the "Report post" icon, just because you don't like the poster.

Lame-ass punk loser.

Suggested response: Not much any of us can do about it, since we don't know when it happens. If the admins see this, they ought to nuke the creeps and out them to the rest of the members. Then we can shun the sorry slimeballs anywhere else we see them.

On second thought, outing them is probably a good way to get sued, so don't expect it. But it would be nice, eh?


1. "I Stayed at a Holiday Inn Express Last Night"

Clue Time: There is no such thing as an overnight expert.

Talking like you know something to be true because "it looks like it from something I did" or "you read it in a book" or "you're suffering from a bout of Stupid Forum Trick #5" is Really Bad.

Problem: The guy who wrote the book you read it in might not have had any more clue than you. Or, the technique may have worked when he wrote it, but be ineffective any more. Or you may have misunderstood the reasoning behind his application of it. Or you may have identified the wrong thing that yielded the result you got yourself. Or you may be making entirely wrong assumptions based on your own preferences.

Or. Or. Or.

Many people, both new and experienced, don't know how to properly identify the reason something worked, or didn't.

These types of posts are most often made by newbies, and done with the best of intentions. Because they sound sensible enough, other people could pick up on them and use the advice, often losing money and motivation if that advice turns out to be wrong.

When you give advice on making money, you ought to have some sensible reason to believe it's correct, and some experience at knowing the difference.

No-one will get it right all the time. Not even the most expert people in a field. Even if they get it right, the reader could interpret or implement it incorrectly.

Experts will be less dangerously wrong, far less often. And there's not much you can do about someone using good advice in a bad way. What you can do is be careful about the advice you give others.

Suggested responses: Provide proper context for your comments. "I did the following things, and got this result. It may be something you want to test." Or, "I read this in a book by X. Y. Zed. Is this consistent with your experience?"

If you see something you know is wrong, or that depends on the market or implementation, say so. You may be saving someone a world-class headache.

Don't take advice in forums at face value. Ask questions, do your research, and remember: Testing is your business's best friend.


Paul

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