150 Twitter and Facebook Ready Quotes and One Liners

Not all quotes are created equal. Well, for Twitter and Facebook at least. Both of these social networking sites have limits on the number of characters you can post when you do a status update.

Still, among the best status update messages you can use are quotes and one liners. They never get old and are always appreciated.

You can actually get more likes and friend requests through this technique, not to mention that you'll actually help inspire people or make them feel better by the quotes. Even make them laugh with some of the one liners.

So to help you achieve this purpose, here are 150 specifically chosen quotes and one liners you can use.

1. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
2. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
3. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
4. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
5. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
6. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
7. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
8. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
9. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
10. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
11. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
13. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
14. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
15. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
16. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
17. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
18. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
19. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
20. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
21. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
22. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
23. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
24. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
25. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
26. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
28. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
29. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
30. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
31. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
32. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
33. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
34. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
35. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
36. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
37. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
38. Relationships are the hallmark of the mature person. -Brian Tracy
39. Whatever you dwell on in the conscious grows in your experience. -Brian Tracy
40. Your company’s most valuable asset is how it is known to its customers. -Brian Tracy
41. It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going. -Brian Tracy
42. Winners make a habit of manufacturing their own positive expectations in advance of the event. -Brian Tracy
43. Successful people are simply those with successful habits. -Brian Tracy
44. Never say anything about yourself you do not want to come true. -Brian Tracy
45. Your greatest asset is your earning ability. Your greatest resource is your time. -Brian Tracy
46. You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you. -Brian Tracy
47. If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it’s moving you away from your goals. -Brian Tracy
48. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. -Dale Carnegie
49. Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still. -Dale Carnegie
50. You never achieve success unless you like what you are doing. -Dale Carnegie
51. You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. -Dale Carnegie
52. If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. -Dale Carnegie
53. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. -Dale Carnegie
54. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore. -Dale Carnegie
55. If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive. -Dale Carnegie
56. The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way. -Dale Carnegie
57. We all have possibilities we don’t know about. We can do things we don’t even dream we can do. -Dale Carnegie
58. Chase your passion, not your pension. -Denis Waitley
59. Life is not accountable to us. We are accountable to life. -Denis Waitley
60. You must stick to your conviction, but be ready to abandon your assumptions. -Denis Waitley
61. It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit. -Denis Waitley
62. Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future. -Denis Waitley
63. Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised. -Denis Waitley
64. You must be worthy of the best, but not more worthy than the rest. -Denis Waitley
65. You must continue to gain expertise, but avoid thinking like an expert. -Denis Waitley
66. The results you achieve will be in direct proportion to the effort you apply. -Denis Waitley
67. Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable. -Denis Waitley
68. We tend to live up to our expectations. -E. Nightingale
69. Remember: Jobs are owned by the company, you own your career! -E. Nightingale
70. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service. -E. Nightingale
71. We’re afraid, it’s because we don’t know enough. If we understood enough, we would never be afraid. -E. Nightingale
72. People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. -E. Nightingale
73. Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us. -E. Nightingale
74. The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are working for somebody else. -E. Nightingale
75. Any person who contributes to prosperity must prosper in turn. -E. Nightingale
76. All you have to do is know where you’re going. The answers will come to you of their own accord. -E. Nightingale
77. Wherever there is danger, there lurks opportunity; whenever there is opportunity, there lurks danger. -E. Nightingale
78. The book you don’t read won’t help. -Jim Rohn
79. If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree. -Jim Rohn
80. If you go to work on your plan, your plan will go to work on you. -Jim Rohn
81. Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know. -Jim Rohn
82. You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight. -Jim Rohn
83. Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. -Jim Rohn
84. Success is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. -Jim Rohn
85. Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become. -Jim Rohn
86. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. -Jim Rohn
87. The major reason for setting a goal is for what it makes of you to accomplish it. -Jim Rohn
88. Life has no limitations, except the ones you make. -Les Brown
89. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality. -Les Brown
90. We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. -Les Brown
91. You cannot expect to achieve new goals or move beyond your present circumstances unless you change. -Les Brown
92. Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else. -Les Brown
93. Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on. -Les Brown
94. Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars. -Les Brown
95. Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. -Les Brown
96. Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. -Les Brown
97. There are winners, there are losers and there are people who have not yet learned how to win. -Les Brown
98. Happiness is found in doing, not merely possessing. -Napoleon Hill
99. If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way. -Napoleon Hill
100. No man can succeed in a line of endeavor which he does not like. -Napoleon Hill
101. The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going. -Napoleon Hill
102. Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. -Napoleon Hill
103. Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality. -Napoleon Hill
104. The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. -Napoleon Hill
105. Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness. -Napoleon Hill
106. Everyone enjoys doing the kind of work for which he is best suited. -Napoleon Hill
107. All achievements, all earned riches, have their beginning in an idea. -Napoleon Hill
108. Tomorrow is only found in the calendar of fools. -Og Mandino
109. Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity. -Og Mandino
110. I seek constantly to improve my manners and graces, for they are the sugar to which all are attracted. -Og Mandino
111. I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. -Og Mandino
112. Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. -Og Mandino
113. Always render more and better service than is expected of you, no matter what your task may be. -Og Mandino
114. Work as though you would live forever, and live as though you would die today. Go another mile! -Og Mandino
115. I have never heard anything about the resolutions of the apostles, but a good deal about their acts. -Og Mandino
116. There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late. -Og Mandino
117. Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later. -Og Mandino
118. There is no such thing as failure. There are only results. -Tony Robbins
119. Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. -Tony Robbins
120. A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. -Tony Robbins
121. Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. -Tony Robbins
122. People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals – that is, goals that do not inspire them. -Tony Robbins
123. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided. -Tony Robbins
124. How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to? -Tony Robbins
125. The meeting of preparation with opportunity generates the offspring we call luck. -Tony Robbins
126. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular. -Tony Robbins
127. It is not what we get. But who we become, what we contribute… that gives meaning to our lives. -Tony Robbins
128. To respond is positive, to react is negative. -Zig Ziglar
129. If we don’t start, it’s certain we can’t arrive. -Zig Ziglar
130. Some people find fault like there is a reward for it. -Zig Ziglar
131. It is easy to get to the top after you get through the crowd at the bottom. -Zig Ziglar
132. If you’re sincere, praise is effective. If you’re insincere, it’s manipulative. -Zig Ziglar
133. Obstacles are the things we see when we take our eyes off our goals. -Zig Ziglar
134. You don’t “pay the price” for success-you enjoy the benefits of success. -Zig Ziglar
135. Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night. -Zig Ziglar
136. It’s not what you know; it’s what you use that makes a difference. -Zig Ziglar
137. You are the only one who can use your ability. It is an awesome responsibility. -Zig Ziglar
138. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.-Winston Churchill
139. My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!-Bill Cosby
140. You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.-Zig Ziglar
141. Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you in life, I find.-John F. Kennedy
142. Think of all the beauty that’s still left in and around you and be happy!-Anne Frank
143. Do the thing, and you shall have the power–Ralph Waldo Emerson
144. Knowledge without practice is useless. Practice without knowledge is dangerous–Confucius
145. Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing condition.–Mark Twain
146. Networking is the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give-and-take, win-win relationships.–Bob Burg
147. Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.–Henry Ford
148. Winning is a habit, unfortunately so is losing-Vince Lombardi
149. Most people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan-John L. Beckley
150. Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.-Napoleon Hill

Want More? Get More By Downloading a complimentary copy of 500 Twitter and Facebook Ready Quotes and One Liners Hurry while it's still free!