Need a review on my landingpage

Firebirdz · 7th Sep 2015, 10:22 AM

Hi guys,

Me and 2 friends of mine are starting a new selfdev/dating/pick-up community.

I made a landing page in order to start building on our mailing list before our actual platform launches in a months time. Find the website here: Dating Heroes - Attract beautiful women by being your best self

The video will be redone tomorrow.

Because I'm quite new in IM I would appreciate some feedback. Cheers!

specialnupe · 7th Sep 2015, 11:34 AM

Let me give you my disclaimer as this only, and ONLY my opinion.

Ok I think you are trying to set yourself as an EXPERT on getting and attracting women.

The way you represented yourself in the video does NOT CONVEY that.

Its shot in what looks like a bedroom, you are not dressed, and the rings on your fingers seem a bit less than masculine. Again... no hate here.... just that you are trying to appeal to a broad base of men that you need to convince that YOU are indeed the lady's man.

My suggestion.

The photo of you on the landing page...is much better.

So try putting on a shirt with a collar and blazer, take the rings off.

record the video in a background that does not look like a college dorm bedroom.

askmarcus · 8th Sep 2015, 06:08 AM

not sure what others opinion on this... but for me ... is kinda too much of the landing page...
you have one part at the top ask ppl to enter name email address...
below you have another one...
then another one for the pop up...

in my opinion.... ppl might get confused...

are these 3 part giving them the same results? as in same page they get once they opt in?

KyleChapman · 8th Sep 2015, 12:23 PM

It's actually a pretty good start in my opinion. Per the comments above I think the video should be tested.

1 quick tip though, the video seems like it is going to be the main part of the landing page. Have it on autoplay so when someone hits the page the video starts without them having to click play.

Minds Eye · 8th Sep 2015, 01:32 PM

A couple things that may help conversions...

1. My very first copy chief used to circle the word "learn" with a big red marker and put the dreaded acronym, "SLW" on the page. (Sounds like work.) Learning implies work. Not everyone enjoyed school. A better word would be "discover," although you could just eliminate "Learn" and the headline stands on its own.

2. That being said, the other thing he taught me was to write a minimum of 50 headlines. Each one takes you a step closer to something that truly resonates with your market. Especially if you've taken the time to research your market and understand their hidden desires. For instance, their desire may *NOT necessarily be meeting beautiful women, but actually finding the right woman to settle down with. (Depends on the exact demo you're going after - truer for those past age 30 than those under that age.)

3. It is important to know who you are and why you're doing this, but I think it's MORE important to tell your reader what they can expect before telling them about yourself. (Worth testing: move the "about you" section under the bullets and see which performs better.)

4. Speaking of bullets... BENEFITS, BENEFITS, BENEFITS. What is the benefit of "attracting beautiful women by deserving them?" I'm not even sure what that means. Answer this question with your bullet: Attract beautiful women SO THAT... (FILL IN THE BLANK HERE.) That will give you a better, more compelling bullet and a reason for someone to give up their valuable email addy.

5. IMHO, your USP (unique selling proposition) is pretty solid except for one thing. Remove the word "will" from this statement and change "focus" to "focuses."

Everything we teach will focus on: Social intelligence, Authenticity, Vulnerability, True Confidence, Fun

This changes it from future tense to present tense. Meaning that it's already happening and your reader will want to join that party rather than hope the party will be there. (See the difference?)

Others have already talked about the video so I'll leave that for you to work on.

Hope these help make your page stronger.

Russ

Firebirdz · 9th Sep 2015, 07:19 AM

Hey guys,
I read all of your tips, thanks a lot!

I tried my best to keep it all in mind and adjust it as good as I could.
I also made a new video.

Thanks again and more feedback is always welcome.
Dating Heroes - Attract beautiful women by being your best self

AyiamDigital · 11th Sep 2015, 08:26 PM

Observations (hope these help):

1.) You are in the video by yourself. That is BAD. Since your product is selling the art/dream/process of attracting attractive women, you NOT having an attractive woman, or two, by your side in the video (preferably showing public displays of affection), you have failed before you got out of the gate. GET A WOMAN OR TWO IN THERE, NOW!!

2.) "..make girls chase you"
Wrong word there. Girls implies younger females, whom most grown men won't be interested in....oh no, not at all. So you should use the term "women," or "ladies," or even "beauties." You get my drift, right? In other words, use the proper words for your target demographic/age group.

3.) Testimonials? Where are they? No testimonials from those whom you guided to meeting the woman of their wet dreams? Why not? Include at least a few testimonials and boost your credibility (and possibly your conversions) way up.

4.) Alternate headline suggestions to test out:

"Meet Drop-Dead Gorgeous Women Without Changing Your Personality One Bit"

"How to Meet the Most Beautiful Women in the World Without Changing Who You Are"

"Learn How Even Ugly Guys Can Attract the Most Beautiful Women in the World"

kmjyoti · 23rd Sep 2015, 02:47 AM

Hey guys,
I read all of your tips, thanks a lot!

The Cypher · 23rd Sep 2015, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by AyiamDigital

2.) "..make girls chase you"
Wrong word there. Girls implies younger females, whom most grown men won't be interested in....oh no, not at all. So you should use the term "women," or "ladies," or even "beauties." You get my drift, right? In other words, use the proper words for your target demographic/age group.

You're obviously not in the dating / relationship market. You realize every year thousands of middle aged - retiree aged US/UK/AU men go to Asian countries to get married to gasp 18-25 year old girls?

Not only that, but 'grown' men all want to 'roll-back-the-clock' in their lives. One of the most profound ways of doing so is dating younger women/girls.

This is coming from someone who currently runs a 7-Figure men's health & dating business.

He has his ideal demo nailed down.

7th Sep 2015, 10:22 AM	#1
Firebirdz Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Need a review on my landingpage Share on: Hi guys, Me and 2 friends of mine are starting a new selfdev/dating/pick-up community. I made a landing page in order to start building on our mailing list before our actual platform launches in a months time. Find the website here: Dating Heroes - Attract beautiful women by being your best self The video will be redone tomorrow. Because I'm quite new in IM I would appreciate some feedback. Cheers!

7th Sep 2015, 11:34 AM	#2
specialnupe Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 5 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: Let me give you my disclaimer as this only, and ONLY my opinion. Ok I think you are trying to set yourself as an EXPERT on getting and attracting women. The way you represented yourself in the video does NOT CONVEY that. Its shot in what looks like a bedroom, you are not dressed, and the rings on your fingers seem a bit less than masculine. Again... no hate here.... just that you are trying to appeal to a broad base of men that you need to convince that YOU are indeed the lady's man. My suggestion. The photo of you on the landing page...is much better. So try putting on a shirt with a collar and blazer, take the rings off. record the video in a background that does not look like a college dorm bedroom.

8th Sep 2015, 06:08 AM	#3
askmarcus HyperActive Warrior Join Date: 2015 Posts: 167 Thanks: 0 Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: not sure what others opinion on this... but for me ... is kinda too much of the landing page... you have one part at the top ask ppl to enter name email address... below you have another one... then another one for the pop up... in my opinion.... ppl might get confused... are these 3 part giving them the same results? as in same page they get once they opt in?

8th Sep 2015, 12:23 PM	#4
KyleChapman Conversion Specialist Join Date: 2015 Location: United States Posts: 51 Thanks: 0 Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: It's actually a pretty good start in my opinion. Per the comments above I think the video should be tested. 1 quick tip though, the video seems like it is going to be the main part of the landing page. Have it on autoplay so when someone hits the page the video starts without them having to click play.
	I've done conversion work for many big companies such as Expedia, The Boston Globe, Kobo Books, Firestone and more... Kyle Chapman - CEO - Conversion Marketing Services a Conversion Rate Optimization Firm

8th Sep 2015, 01:32 PM	#5
Minds Eye Russ Banister Join Date: 2008 Location: Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. Posts: 87 Thanks: 8 Thanked 31 Times in 27 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: A couple things that may help conversions... 1. My very first copy chief used to circle the word "learn" with a big red marker and put the dreaded acronym, "SLW" on the page. (Sounds like work.) Learning implies work. Not everyone enjoyed school. A better word would be "discover," although you could just eliminate "Learn" and the headline stands on its own. 2. That being said, the other thing he taught me was to write a minimum of 50 headlines. Each one takes you a step closer to something that truly resonates with your market. Especially if you've taken the time to research your market and understand their hidden desires. For instance, their desire may *NOT necessarily be meeting beautiful women, but actually finding the right woman to settle down with. (Depends on the exact demo you're going after - truer for those past age 30 than those under that age.) 3. It is important to know who you are and why you're doing this, but I think it's MORE important to tell your reader what they can expect before telling them about yourself. (Worth testing: move the "about you" section under the bullets and see which performs better.) 4. Speaking of bullets... BENEFITS, BENEFITS, BENEFITS. What is the benefit of "attracting beautiful women by deserving them?" I'm not even sure what that means. Answer this question with your bullet: Attract beautiful women SO THAT... (FILL IN THE BLANK HERE.) That will give you a better, more compelling bullet and a reason for someone to give up their valuable email addy. 5. IMHO, your USP (unique selling proposition) is pretty solid except for one thing. Remove the word "will" from this statement and change "focus" to "focuses." Everything we teach will focus on: Social intelligence, Authenticity, Vulnerability, True Confidence, Fun This changes it from future tense to present tense. Meaning that it's already happening and your reader will want to join that party rather than hope the party will be there. (See the difference?) Others have already talked about the video so I'll leave that for you to work on. Hope these help make your page stronger. Russ
	A powerful perspective on persuasion

9th Sep 2015, 07:19 AM	#6
Firebirdz Warrior Member Join Date: 2015 Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: Hey guys, I read all of your tips, thanks a lot! I tried my best to keep it all in mind and adjust it as good as I could. I also made a new video. Thanks again and more feedback is always welcome. Dating Heroes - Attract beautiful women by being your best self

11th Sep 2015, 08:26 PM	#7
AyiamDigital Active Warrior Join Date: 2015 Location: Los Angeles, California Posts: 41 Thanks: 1 Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: Observations (hope these help): 1.) You are in the video by yourself. That is BAD. Since your product is selling the art/dream/process of attracting attractive women, you NOT having an attractive woman, or two, by your side in the video (preferably showing public displays of affection), you have failed before you got out of the gate. GET A WOMAN OR TWO IN THERE, NOW!! 2.) "..make girls chase you" Wrong word there. Girls implies younger females, whom most grown men won't be interested in....oh no, not at all. So you should use the term "women," or "ladies," or even "beauties." You get my drift, right? In other words, use the proper words for your target demographic/age group. 3.) Testimonials? Where are they? No testimonials from those whom you guided to meeting the woman of their wet dreams? Why not? Include at least a few testimonials and boost your credibility (and possibly your conversions) way up. 4.) Alternate headline suggestions to test out: "Meet Drop-Dead Gorgeous Women Without Changing Your Personality One Bit" "How to Meet the Most Beautiful Women in the World Without Changing Who You Are" "Learn How Even Ugly Guys Can Attract the Most Beautiful Women in the World"

23rd Sep 2015, 02:47 AM	#8
kmjyoti Active Warrior Join Date: 2015 Posts: 69 Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Need a review on my landingpage Share on: Hey guys, I read all of your tips, thanks a lot!
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