Criticize my Landing page

by krasnivi 12 replies
Hi,

Before launching the L/P for the masses I would like to know your opinion in the website?

Which areas I could improve and how?

Here is a link: Get a book for free

#conversion rate optimization #criticize #landing #page
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    Sure.

    The headline is either brilliant or extremely, extremely weak.

    On one hand, with all the benefit driven headlines and hooks, seeing something new like this is refreshing. You have a free eBook. You're giving it away. On the other hand, it breaks every possible rule about writing headlines.

    What rules?
    # It must be a hook to get readership.
    # It must be benefit oriented.
    # It must show who is targeted.
    # It must show how you are different.

    Plus, a free eBook is not a big deal nowadays. There are enough free books on Amazon. If you said "you'll get a free hamburger" maybe I would wonder what's the catch but I would be interested. If McDonalds said "Get a free Big Mac" then it would be an efficient headline.

    But here, it is not.

    Because you're not talking to me. You're not talking to my needs. You're giving me zero reasons why I need this apart the fact that it is free. And yes, it is true, some people will download everything free, digital hoarders like. However, those people rarely make for good customers.

    (PS: I won't even comment on the English. It is not your native language, you're making big syntax and grammar errors but I'll stay out of that, assuming you're going to proof it later).

    The deck makes about the same mistake as the headline. If this had a tangible value, like a burger (I guess I need to go and have dinner), then it would have made sense. But you're not giving anything specifically away. You're not helping them quit smoking or find the love of their life or set better goals.

    You need to be specifics. Information marketing by its own nature is about specificity. The market has a problem, your product must solve it. What is their specific problem and what is your specific solution?

    And if I go on, I'll just repeat myself.

    Look, sell this to me. Tell me how this is going to fix the things that keep me awake at night. Tell me how this book changed your life. Make me want it. Just because it is free, it is not enough. Physical things tend to have some value when they are free but when it comes to intangibles, they'd better provide a specific form of value.

    I won't focus on the fact that the English is a bit broken. A read-proofer is cheap. I'm going to focus on the fact that you're not selling. You're assuming that he sees the value in the product which he doesn't. If you were Tony Robbins, people would have downloaded this just because it is from Tony Robbins.

    But you're not. So even if it is a free offer, you need to sell the readership. Please read a copywriting book or hire a copywriter. You have a lot to learn, not at the tactical level (how to write it) but at the strategic one (what to write).
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    • Profile picture of the author johndetlefs
      Originally Posted by RogozRazvan View Post

      Sure.

      The headline is either brilliant or extremely, extremely weak.
      IMHO I'm going with the latter. The copy is very generic at this stage.. I'm not generally a big fan of super feature and benefit laden headlines, but this one is a little too light on details and doesn't grab me at all.

      I think there are too many possible worlds in which problems can weigh you down.. are these relationship problems? Money problems? Health and fitness problems?

      Seems to me you're thinking about heading down the "life without joy" road, in which case I'd consider something a bit more punch like:

      Are You Living A Small Life Totally Devoid Of Joy?

      That said, if you are going for the "joy" angle, then you'll want to change your subheads to also speak to the topic. At the moment you appear to have two things going on.. learning how to live a life with joy and interesting experiences, and also a dealing with a life full of problems you don't know how to solve.. two very different things from a copywriting point of view.

      It's a great start, now for the editing and re-writing part.. which in my experience takes around 5 times longer than the initial write!
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      • Profile picture of the author krasnivi
        Hi,

        The comment you commented on „The headline is either brilliant or extremely, extremely weak.“, was made when I had completely different L/P offer.

        Nevertheless, thanks for pointing out two different paths I can take with this offer.
        Did I understand you right, that I can use this book as a bait for at least two types of leads:
        1. live life with joy
        2. learn how to deal with life problems that you dont have solutions to.
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        • Profile picture of the author johndetlefs
          Originally Posted by krasnivi View Post

          Hi,

          Did I understand you right, that I can use this book as a bait for at least two types of leads:
          1. live life with joy
          2. learn how to deal with life problems that you dont have solutions to.
          Not quite.. I make no comment on what you can use the book for, more on how your copy is structured. The headline points towards living a more interesting life, yet the sub-copy all points towards solving problems in life that are holding you back.

          From a sales copy point of view, these are two different things, and create potential confusion.

          If both are relevant, then I would join them in some way "Solve your problems and live a more fulfilled, interesting life!" etc or I would create two seperate landing pages, each focused on just one of the themes (joy and problem solving).

          Either way, it's getting there!
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          • Profile picture of the author krasnivi
            thanks for insights! I choose to make two different l/p with “joy“ and “solution to pain“ topics
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  • Profile picture of the author Tyoussef
    really good .
    it is too much simple red and white only .
    i think the 2 colors only don't much .
    but i think it's simple and responsive just little improvements
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Leizerovich
    Too many ideas all over that I can't be sure what is it about.
    The headline super generic.
    Placement of the text a bit weird cause i have to look for that red graphics.
    And I didn't even know there is more text at the bottom.
    Also its too long for an LP.

    Just ask yourself whats your main big idea here.
    Main benefit or promise.
    Main pain point you are solving.
    Make a headline out of it.
    Keep it short without all the scrolling.
    Use a call to action.
    You can also use pre headline to call out the target audience.
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  • Profile picture of the author krasnivi
    Hello,

    BIG BOG thanks for your comments on the page. Did some amendments as you suggested.
    I minimized the scrolling, added claims and headlines.

    Can you check it now? >> Here is a link <<
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  • Profile picture of the author lithynetworks
    My personal opinion;

    Get some design - color and a good look to your landing page will sell.

    Title - Make it nice and simple. As intricate as it is, it almost seems like a chore to read. Simple titles that get the point across will get me looking more.

    Theres a lot of words saying it will do this and this, but give an example. Give a statistic maybe, a testimonial, something that says it will work. Readers want success stories.

    Who is jevgeny? Maybe post a picture of the person. People like to be able to relate to the person from who they are trusting, buying, reading, ect..
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    • Profile picture of the author krasnivi
      Originally Posted by lithynetworks View Post

      My personal opinion;

      Get some design - color and a good look to your landing page will sell.

      Title - Make it nice and simple. As intricate as it is, it almost seems like a chore to read. Simple titles that get the point across will get me looking more.

      Theres a lot of words saying it will do this and this, but give an example. Give a statistic maybe, a testimonial, something that says it will work. Readers want success stories.

      Who is jevgeny? Maybe post a picture of the person. People like to be able to relate to the person from who they are trusting, buying, reading, ect..
      Hi, I have plenty of testimonials, but in my native language. If i translate them in to english wont it look suspicious? (I just realized what a stupid limiting belief i have )

      What about colors? What would you suggest?
      I stay with same colors as the book itself. Why is that bad?
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      • Profile picture of the author lithynetworks
        Originally Posted by krasnivi View Post

        Hi, I have plenty of testimonials, but in my native language. If i translate them in to english wont it look suspicious? (I just realized what a stupid limiting belief i have )

        What about colors? What would you suggest?
        I stay with same colors as the book itself. Why is that bad?
        No I don't think translation would be bad, just get someone to translate it so the words flow in english.

        There is no background and the text and page just looks bland in general. For me, I see sales pages and landing pages 50 times a day. I always look for something to stick out to me, that will make me remember them. If you are making a general page, you just tend to blend in with everyone.
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  • Profile picture of the author vMartin
    Your best bet would be creating several different versions of your landing page and split-test. (Simply put, rotate and track the best converter)

    Design often does not mean jack shit and you will be surprised what amount of differences you will see if you test a few different versions, headlines and all that jazz.
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