Need feedback/critique on article title

JohnMcCabe · 07-06-2009, 12:41 PM

I'm offering a free course for my local business prospects. I'm not getting much of a response. I know I have improvements to make on the opt-in page, etc., but I want to start with the title.

The title is:

"A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

It sounded good to me when I was compiling the course, which also serves as a demo for using an autoresponder.

I'm looking for some fresh eyes and perspective - part of what I normally provide...

Appreciate your help, if you have something to offer...

RentItNow · 07-06-2009, 04:39 PM

I dont like the negative word "Ridiculously" especially in beginning.

I am testing things like this myself and my guess is business owners are looking for something that is not salesish.

I am very partial to short "hook" lines because they work on me.

"How Can One Small Change in Your Advertising Double Your Customers?"
"What Can You Do Today that Would Have Your Restaurant Competitors Scared?"
"Why are traditional advertising methods not working?"

Think from their perspective.

dorothydot · 07-06-2009, 06:22 PM

"A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

Okay, brainstorming here - feel free to take, use, modify as needed.
* first comment: the title is wayyy too long.

Add Profits and Enhance Your Advertising Investment - Fast and Easy

How to Profit Fast From Your Advertising Investment - It's Easy!

How to Make Your Advertising Investment Enhance Your Bottom Line FAST

What's the Fastest, Easiest Way to Get Bigger Profits From Your Advertising?

And so on.

Hope this helps spur your Muses!
Dot

JohnMcCabe · 07-06-2009, 07:05 PM

John and dorothydot,

Thanks to both of you for your feedback and suggestions. Sometimes you just get stuck in the mud.

I agree that the title is too long, and it sounds hypey in hindsight.

I'll take both of your suggestions and play with them to see what I get.

Anyone else?

Bill Jeffels · 07-06-2009, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnMcCabe

I'm offering a free course for my local business prospects. I'm not getting much of a response. I know I have improvements to make on the opt-in page, etc., but I want to start with the title.

The title is:

"A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days"

It sounded good to me when I was compiling the course, which also serves as a demo for using an autoresponder.

I'm looking for some fresh eyes and perspective - part of what I normally provide...

Appreciate your help, if you have something to offer...

Hi John,

Your heading in the right direction.

"How To Multiply The Return
On Your Advertising
In Only 10 Days"

Discover the secrets to easily
and instantly attracting
more clients

See John, just a little tweaking is needed

Regards,

Bill Jeffels

07-06-2009, 12:41 PM	#1
JohnMcCabe Happy Hooker War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North of the Peace River, Southwest Florida, USA. Posts: 2,294 Thanks: 276 Thanked 458 Times in 297 Posts Social Networking	Need feedback/critique on article title I'm offering a free course for my local business prospects. I'm not getting much of a response. I know I have improvements to make on the opt-in page, etc., but I want to start with the title. The title is: "A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days" It sounded good to me when I was compiling the course, which also serves as a demo for using an autoresponder. I'm looking for some fresh eyes and perspective - part of what I normally provide... Appreciate your help, if you have something to offer...
	[YOU], back by popular demand... Salad is not food. Salad is what food eats... -- The REAL PETA, People for Eating Tasty Animals "I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu!" Last edited by JohnMcCabe; 07-06-2009 at 03:32 PM. Reason: Clarify request

07-06-2009, 04:39 PM	#2
RentItNow HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 177 Thanks: 21 Thanked 38 Times in 35 Posts	Re: Need feedback/critique on article title I dont like the negative word "Ridiculously" especially in beginning. I am testing things like this myself and my guess is business owners are looking for something that is not salesish. I am very partial to short "hook" lines because they work on me. "How Can One Small Change in Your Advertising Double Your Customers?" "What Can You Do Today that Would Have Your Restaurant Competitors Scared?" "Why are traditional advertising methods not working?" Think from their perspective.
	John J. Adams *FREE VIDEO reveals ‘house for rent’ secrets that rented 150+ places FAST!* -->>**

07-06-2009, 06:22 PM	#3
dorothydot HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Southern Maryland Posts: 309 Thanks: 157 Thanked 39 Times in 37 Posts	Re: Need feedback/critique on article title "A Ridiculously Easy Way to Add Profits and Multiply Your Return On Your Advertising Investment in Only 10 Days" Okay, brainstorming here - feel free to take, use, modify as needed. * first comment: the title is wayyy too long. Add Profits and Enhance Your Advertising Investment - Fast and Easy How to Profit Fast From Your Advertising Investment - It's Easy! How to Make Your Advertising Investment Enhance Your Bottom Line FAST What's the Fastest, Easiest Way to Get Bigger Profits From Your Advertising? And so on. Hope this helps spur your Muses! Dot
	"Sell the Magic of Your Dream" www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

07-06-2009, 07:05 PM	#4
JohnMcCabe Happy Hooker War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North of the Peace River, Southwest Florida, USA. Posts: 2,294 Thanks: 276 Thanked 458 Times in 297 Posts Social Networking	Re: Need feedback/critique on article title John and dorothydot, Thanks to both of you for your feedback and suggestions. Sometimes you just get stuck in the mud. I agree that the title is too long, and it sounds hypey in hindsight. I'll take both of your suggestions and play with them to see what I get. Anyone else?
	[YOU], back by popular demand... Salad is not food. Salad is what food eats... -- The REAL PETA, People for Eating Tasty Animals "I did not fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu!"