What are the WORST headlines you've ever read?

[ecoverartist]

Have you ever come across some of those sites or letters whose headlines make you wonder?

Stuff like "Torrential rains to blame for record flooding"

We've already got a thread here for the BEST headlines, why not the worst?

[colmodwyer]

I read a little doozy today on a local newsite...

"Studies Show Texting While Driving Dangerous"

A govt' funded study no doubt.

Colm

[Rezbi]

"Help Me... I'm Poor"

Naah, I just made that up.

[ecoverartist]

Oooooh that ketchup one is BAD.

Here are a few more I found that can go in your WTF file

http://funnies.paco.to/content/view/51/2/

[BlackHatGuide31]

"the day after today will be as sunny as tomorrow"

[Jon Steel]

"Greetings"

[SanderVH]

Personally I'm tired of seeing:
XYZ Product a SCAM?
Find out from this review!

in adwords its just so overused. Yes I know it works but when all the sponsored links say the same thing the technique looses its value imo.

[Jon Steel]

Originally Posted by SanderVH

Personally I'm tired of seeing:
XYZ Product a SCAM?
Find out from this review!

in adwords its just so overused. Yes I know it works but when all the sponsored links say the same thing the technique looses its value imo.

I wouldn't completely agree with you on this. I would say it depends on the market it is being used in. Some markets haven't seen this ... yet -

js

[ggoddi]

i would say the so direct one such as ---"please red me "
bad

[Paul Hancox]

The ketchup thing... it sounds bad, but I bet it got them lots of ATTENTION.

"Worst" and "best" is subjective. I've seen one-word headlines outpull some very clever ones. In terms of conversion, the one-worders were the "best", although many copywriters would turn their noses up at them.

[sridhar]

Worst AdWords Ad Of All Time

[Jay Truman]

Originally Posted by Onslaught

stopped me in my tracks.

how is the headline bad, if it did what it was suppose to do? even has some wordplay.. ketchup sale lol.

Originally Posted by Paul Hancox

"Worst" and "best" is subjective. I've seen one-word headlines outpull some very clever ones. In terms of conversion, the one-worders were the "best", although many copywriters would turn their noses up at them.

Ralph Ginzburg was a fan of one word headlines. I think he liked to do no more than 3 word headlines. I read a lot of National Enquirer and most of there headlines are short and dumb too... but the publishers also sell 15 million copies a week so its worth noticing...

[Jay Truman]

Originally Posted by ecoverartist

Have you ever come across some of those sites or letters whose headlines make you wonder?

thats the thing about headlines... making you wonder and become curious is what some headlines are designed to do..

[Paul Hancox]

Indeed, Jay!

Headlines are for GRABBING ATTENTION.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think the ketchup one might have been quite smart, after all.

Not only did it obviously grab attention, but the offer itself would have stuck in the mind!

Sure, as an offer it stinks, but as something memorable, it's quite clever!

I wonder how many people PAID ATTENTION and REMEMBERED that dealership.

And then, if and when they wanted to buy a car, guess what dealership came to mind. (Not because they wanted ketchup, but because they remembered the ketchup offer in the first place.)

So I think what they were probably doing was actually a PUBLICITY STUNT... and seen in that light, it may well have been a very good headline after all!

[Paul Hancox]

Originally Posted by Onslaught

So the headline will make people remember this dealership having a ketchup sale
and do what with that knowledge? I don't even remember what dealership it was.

Well, that's true of 98% of the ads I see on TV. I don't remember the details of what the ad is selling because I'm not the target audience.

Headlines should have a purpose otherwise ANY abstract out of place headline would be gold.

Sure, it's to grab attention. It worked. You read it.

Unfortunately, you didn't want ketchup (or a car?) though, so ultimately the overall "offer" failed on you

If their purpose was to create a buzz I highly doubt it did. If their purpose
was to get people to test drive a car and bribe them with a bottle of ketchup... not good.

I doubt they were trying to bribe anyone with a bottle of ketchup. I would suggest their SOLE purpose was to create a buzz... publicity... they were the car dealership that offered a free bottle of ketchup!

Before trying to find brilliance in this dud consider it may be just horrible advertising.

It may be, but all I'm saying is... we don't know their *results*, so how do we know if it was a dud or not?'

What would you say if they actually DID have more sales after running the ads? You'd see it as a brilliant publicity campaign.

Unfortunately, we don't know. But surely "success" or "failure" ultimately comes down to results.

If I were not into marketing I would have likely not remembered it.

Were you looking to buy a car at the time? If not, they weren't targeting you.

In my opinion it was a terrible attempt and considering it was not
a direct response ad, the results are mystery to us and them.

Ultimately, you may be right. It's a shame we don't know the actual results, because I've seen many marketing campaigns that look lame from a marketing/copywriting point of view that actually do well.

I doubt they were using the ketchup as any kind of real incentive or bribe. I imagine they were using it for publicity.

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by Paul Hancox

Headlines are for GRABBING ATTENTION.

I may kick myself for blowing the whistle on this, but I've had an idea in my head for a couple years that a great attention-grabbing headline would be:

HOLY CRAP

If the purpose of a headline is to make the reader go on to the subhead, as Sugarman says, I think that would do it. Then you just have to write a good subhead, and it doesn't have to be as good as a headline would have to be! You get residual interest from your headline, so mental intertia takes care of a lot.

[Shana_Adam]

well it was not a headline but the title of a film that mad me laugh for days

the title of the film was called

zoom zoom boom boom

[Paul Hancox]

Hi Caliban

Originally Posted by CDarklock

I may kick myself for blowing the whistle on this, but I've had an idea in my head for a couple years that a great attention-grabbing headline would be:

HOLY CRAP

If the purpose of a headline is to make the reader go on to the subhead, as Sugarman says, I think that would do it. Then you just have to write a good subhead, and it doesn't have to be as good as a headline would have to be! You get residual interest from your headline, so mental intertia takes care of a lot.

Well, it depends upon the context of the headline, i.e. sales letter, newspaper etc, but...

In the context of a sales letter, Sugarman is right. In fact, one of the things I teach in my copywriting videos is that one of the purposes of every paragraph (including headline and subheadline) is to get them to read the next one!

That's why a "crap" headline is difficult to determine, without understanding the CONTEXT and INTENT.

The intent of "Holy Crap" would be to get them curious enough to read what comes next. Then, what comes next should be good enough to move them into the copy. Rinse and repeat!

Sure, many copywriters would say it's a "crap" headline ("Where's the benefits?" I hear them whine), but if it hooks people into your subheading, and the subheadling hooks them into your copy... then it is "good" after all...

... because it did what Sugarman says a headline should do, i.e. get them to read on.

Quite frankly, "Holy Crap" would arouse my curiosity. How could it not? Unless every copywriter started using it.

As I said, it depends upon the context. I wouldn't use "Holy Crap" as a Digg headline, for example... because in that context people see only the headline and make a judgment about the content based solely on the headline.

But as the start of sales copy, I could see how that could easily work!... IF the subheadline compels the reader also. (And very quickly the reader will want some actual substance.)

As I said, at times I have seen one, two and three word headlines outpull "clever" copywriting headlines. I think it's because the copywriter tried to be TOO clever, but missed the point of the headline... which as Sugarman said, was to get them to read the subheadling or line that follows.

I apply that principle all the way through. It doesn't stop. At least, until they hit the order button and pay. Then I'll give 'em a break

[Jay Truman]

informative post paul...

Originally Posted by Paul Hancox

Sure, many copywriters would say it's a "crap" headline ("Where's the benefits?" I hear them whine), but if it hooks people into your subheading, and the subheadling hooks them into your copy... then it is "good" after all...

being in sales i've studied copy writing techniques for awhile.. I feel it helps with my overall ability to sell in any context and media. and i'd do copywriting if i liked the writing part, lol... (too lazy)

One of my favorite (living) copywriters is clay makepeace. I like his style.

I was reading some of his stuff lately and he suggests putting benefits in headlines can actually decrease response rate for some of his advertising.

I hear a lot of direct marketers/copywriters prefer advertorials (guess it depends on context again) and I don't see many advertorials lead with a benefit headline?

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by Jay Truman

I was reading some of his stuff lately and he suggests putting benefits in headlines can actually decrease response rate for some of his advertising.

Looks like one of those things that, once you really think about it, seems obvious. Benefits in your headline imply that these are your product's only benefits. If your product has too many benefits to put in your headline, and someone reading it ONLY wants one of the benefits you couldn't fit into it... you lose a prospect.

[RentItNow]

Local bike shop is using this as their ad headline:

"No Price Increase on Spring Tune-Ups!"

Gee thanks. For the special today, we won't gouge you.

[ecoverartist]

Well, I don't mean to make you wonder in a bad way... if it gets your attention in a way that's corny (like the ketchup sale), I'd probably think to myself "that's cute" - maybe grab it for my Swipe File one day and then chuck the rest.

A lot of people in my area advertise yard sales but they don't really get your attention. For awhile now I've wanted to put up one of those bright posterboard signs that reads "HUGE @$$" and then under it "Yard Sale"

[Jay Truman]

Originally Posted by ecoverartist

if it gets your attention in a way that's corny (like the ketchup sale), I'd probably think to myself "that's cute" - maybe grab it for my Swipe File one day and then chuck the rest.

Sure the "ketchup sale" is corny, but it serves a purpose even if its a failure. Understanding the concept is whats powerful, not the exact example thats given.

Giving away a bottle of ketchup sounds dumb as hell when selling a car, but since they need to "catch up" on sales- they use word plays to grab attention and say "ketchup sale" and give away bottles of ketchup.

sure the headline may have grabbed attention, but giving away a case of ketchup with a car doesnt sound like a great offer to me.

according to some neuro marketers, wordplays are good for grabbing attention. this doesnt mean you'll sell anything tho...

Originally Posted by Onslaught

Curiosity headlines are dangerous to your wallet

How did you come to that conclusion?

Many say curiosity is one of the most powerful human emotions.

[Paul Hancox]

Originally Posted by Onslaught

It is very easy to get attention with a headline. To keep the attention and
to get them to react is another story.

The headline is the beginning, not the close.

Satan Lives Inside My Left Sock

Buy my ebook and find out the 7 secrets that will bring
you customers and eliminate the competition...

Most are gone after reading past the headline and the "at least they read it"
pays very little last time I checked.

I can write 500 headlines like this an hour, so can anyone. Attention
grabbing is only the tip of the iceberg.

Curiosity headlines are dangerous to your wallet

Sure thing... but as I said, I think the whole ketchup thing wasn't merely to arouse curiosity... it was a PUBLICITY STUNT. That was the context. I don't think it was meant to be an offer that made people go, "Oooh.... I need some ketchup, let's take a drive!" I think it was designed to get people to go, "What the.... free KETCHUP??? What IS this??"

I think it was deliberately a lousy offer, to achieve publicity!

You know, people are funny. Direct response marketers have found that offering coupons with a 0% discount can actually increase sales!

So it was probably a marketing experiment, to see if the PUBLICITY (not the ketchup) would increase sales. "What would happen if we made a real lousy, but memorable offer... free ketchup. Let's see what happens."

If 0% discount coupons can increase sales, maybe free ketchup with a car could work! People are often irrational (as in 0% discount coupons), and pay attention to things that are new and different. Free ketchup with a car is different, to say the least

In fact, your example demonstrates the point about context. "Satan Lives Inside My Left Sock" would be a poor headline in the context of you then selling an ebook, because you'd have people thinking, "What's this got to do with your ebook?" all through the copy. It's out of context.

On the other hand, if you were Dave Barry and writing about how your socks seem to be "possessed" and have minds of their own (maybe his left socks are always being lost in the wash or something), then it could well be a great headline! That's a Dave Barry article I'd want to read.

So headlines can only be determined as "great" or "lousy" in context and depending on what the writer wants to achieve.

If a car dealership is just trying to grab PUBLICITY, then offering free ketchup is one way of doing it, I suppose!

By the way, dont'cha think "Satan Lives Inside My Left Sock" sounds like it should be the headline for a great Dave Barry article?

[colmodwyer]

Alright, everyone who thinks the Ketchup headline is good or clever...

Lets assume you want to buy a new car.

You flick through the newspaper, looking for any special offers by local dealerships.

Now remember you're looking to buy a new car here. That's dominating your thoughts right now. That and the fact you need to pick-up the kids from karate in 10 minutes.

So you're in a hurry to find information (about new cars, not ketchup)...

With all that in mind, is this the headline that will stop you in your tracks - The End of Year Ketchup Sale! - is it fudge!

Yes, curiosity driven headlines can work REALLY well.

But this is surely not an example of such.

How does this ad serves its purpose as a moneymaker?

Where do the sales come from?

MAYBE it generated publicity. But publicity is no use unless you're selling on the back of it. Are you going to buy your BMW from the guy giving you a free case of ketchup, or a free set of floor mats?

Is ketchup going to motivate you to get down to the dealership ASAP?

Please.

If this was profitable it's an advertising miracle.

Colm

[Paul Hancox]

Hi Colm

You're right... IF that's solely how consumer's minds work.

However, some people buy from certain places for convenience. For example, my local store is actually more expensive than the superstore 10 minutes drive away. But I often go to my local store (and end up paying more) because I'm lazy... and it's convenient.

Occasionally if my car breaks down I'll go to a local garage, or one which I know exists because I remembered it. I SHOULD shop around, get quotes, find the cheapest and/or best... but I don't.

Now, I may not be typical, but my point is... the ketchup thing was, to my mind, a publicity stunt - to lodge themselves in the mind of the public.

You may not buy from them there and then, but if, say, 3 months later you were thinking of buying a new car, one of the dealerships that might stick in your mind was "that dealership that offered the ketchup!"

Think about this...

Television advertisers spend literally BILLIONS of dollars a year, often on what I often consider to be crappy adverts and crappy jingles (that are often the complete opposite of direct response)... why?.... because ultimately they want to get inside our minds and stay there.

And, let's face it, it works. Those annoying jingles play in your mind when you're out shopping. So when you DO need something, the jingle or stupid slogan plays in your mind - and as Cialdini would say... click, whirr.

The car dealership may have been attempting to do something like that. Not for branding purposes, but to stick in someone's mind... a car dealership that stuck out.

So when you want to buy a car 6 months down the line, you remember them... purely because of that "lousy" offer!

Now, I don't personally have the luxury of running a campaign like that, but really it's not quite so bizarre as some TV adverts, where cars fly through hoops of fire, or breakfast cereals come alive and start talking to you!

Why would anyone want to eat a breakfast cereal that talks to you!? But YOU know the advertisers aren't telling you to buy their stuff for that reason, are they?... they're simply lodging themselves in your mind, and getting their brand name in your face.

So that when you do your next shop.... click, whirr and the jingles play in your mind.

[colmodwyer]

Television advertisers spend literally BILLIONS of dollars a year, often on what I often consider to be crappy adverts and crappy jingles (that are often the complete opposite of direct response)... why?.... because ultimately they want to get inside our minds and stay there.

Yeah, and that's done by repetition. Not a crappy gimmick.

How would you best memorize a chapter from a book - reading that chapter over and over? Or would it be better to read the chapter once and then suck on a sachet of tomato sauce?

I understand the argument you're trying to make Paul. And I understand the why too, we shouldn't be so quick to judge.

But the fact remains it's a rare prospect that - 6 months on - will remember the name of the dealership that gave away ketchup... Just because of that.

At best it will be, "THAT dealer that gave away the ketchup."

You're clutching at straws.

As far as your point about convenience, well that's a specific benefit. But I don't think that's what we're talking about here.

If it were, the headline wouldn't be in the WORST you've ever read thread.

Colm

[Jay Truman]

Originally Posted by Paul Hancox

it was a PUBLICITY STUNT. That was the context.

Yes, the offer is a "publicity" stunt.

Its common for dealerships to do publicity stunts "similar" to this.

When I worked for Toyota, we did a publicity stunt, but we actually made a good offer to the public. Which the above dealership didnt seem to make.

The main angle we had was $999 cars. We also gave away free hotdogs for coming. And we were doing this to "give back to the community". No, we werent, we were just doing 50% of business from the year before, lol...

Now, according to management, many dealerships have had great success with this model. We didn't... i think they were expecting to sell atleast 20-30 cars that day...

Obviously a lot of factors play in this, but its not uncommon to see stupid publicity stunts by dealerships, that actually work.

Originally Posted by colmodwyer

Alright, everyone who thinks the Ketchup headline is good or clever...

Good as far as getting attention? probably decent.

Good for getting sales? probably not.

I do like the way the headline tied in with the offer, but the offer just sucked. Even good copy will have trouble selling this bad offer.

"Buy a car and get a case of ketchup"- wtf

They should have stopped before they started, lol..

[Hesster]

Worst headline I've read that I remember was one mentioned in one of the books on Copywriting. Not sure, but I think it was one of the Caples books:

Letters Wives Don't Write Their Unsuccessful Husbands

Then the copy went on in the form of a John Dear letter basically nagging the reader for not making enough money. Terrible.

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by Hesster

Letters Wives Don't Write Their Unsuccessful Husbands

Good God, it doesn't even scan properly.

My brain tries to read "Letters" as an adjective. That creates dissonance, and my brain deletes it. Then I try to read "Their" as "They're." So I come up with:

"Wives Don't Write They're Unsuccessful Husbands"

That screws with my brain, and I think "wait, they left out the comma" which I mentally replace:

"Wives Don't Write, They're Unsuccessful Husbands"

Now it seems to be saying a woman is someone who failed to be a man, and I get offended. Then my brain goes "okay, WTF" because surely no magazine would publish that ad, and makes me read it again.

By the time I get it figured out, I'm mad at the writer, and once I realise how badly I screwed it up - I feel stupid. Now I want to get away from this ad as soon as possible.

Yeah... that's pretty much the worst headline I've ever seen.

[mikestenger]

There was a list I read of some of the worst headlines ever a while back and one that stuck with me and that I still remember is a baseball related headline...

Royals To Get A Taste Of Angels' Colon

I cringe at the thought of that.

[Hesster]

Now that I think about it, it might have been Letters Wives Don't Write to Their Unsuccessful Husbands.

But yeah, I remember it leaving me really confused, then the body copy was just a complete turn off. It was in the book as an example of an unsuccessful ad, and really, I can see why.

[DougHughes]

Originally Posted by Paul Hancox

The ketchup thing... it sounds bad, but I bet it got them lots of ATTENTION.

"Worst" and "best" is subjective. I've seen one-word headlines outpull some very clever ones. In terms of conversion, the one-worders were the "best", although many copywriters would turn their noses up at them.

Well put, Ditto

[colmodwyer]

I'm with Paul on the ketchup thing. The objective is to get the reader to read your copy and if the headline causes them to do that then good.

It's not as black and white as that.

Case and point:

Free Fellatio!

Just kidding, but now that I have your attention let me talk to you about fund raising for the church of holy Jesus (or whatever)

Colm

[Jo_Shua]

Here is a good one (well bad):

“If you think those other [widgets] are bad… you should try ours!”

Posted at http://mymarketingwriter.com

[toxic]

A few days before, I said one of my writers to write e 500 word article on the heyword: "Web Host Directory". He wrote the entire article all ok but I think he was just a drunkard when he put the title. The title was:

"Get the directory, get the name and put your website inside the game"

This was really really so much irritating.

[Paul Hancox]

Originally Posted by colmodwyer

It's not as black and white as that.

Case and point:

Free Fellatio!

Just kidding, but now that I have your attention let me talk to you about fund raising for the church of holy Jesus (or whatever)

Colm

Ironically, that is virtually the same headline as one used by a certain Jack Bastide, which seems to have a lot of ATTENTION right now in this forum

So context matters, in regard to whether a headline is "good" or "bad", right?

Jack's headline "Free Sex!" got attention. It was GREAT in the context of the copywriting forum. Whether he'd write that headline for a local church group is another matter.

[iw]

I've seen this:

"Who else........................"

hundreds but not thousands of time. It has not impact on me now. But I don't know about others. It's claimed to be one of the best best phrase.