Copy NOT Ready For Launch

[Aljiro]

Hey Warriors! I would like to ask for feedback on my attempt at writing copy. This is my very first product and hoping for good results.

Visit the draft sales page

Looking forward to your opinions.

Thanks!

~Aljiro

EDIT:
Im starting to feel real low here. I have no money to hire a professional and I have no skills to make my copy decent.

[Chris Ramsey]

Hey Aljiro,

Your headline needs some more pizazz. It tells but doesn't show.

Even better, I think you should have a video created using your tool as the main point of focus on the top of the page.

Quickly Create Powerful Selling Tools From Your Old, Boring Slideshows In Just Minutes!

YouTube - Baby animals - photo slideshow

See what I mean? Do something like that.

[nontemplates]

Not copy related but what really throws me off from even reading further is that the width alignment in your content div is off in Internet Explorer. Its still the most popular browser so look into it.

[BrianMcLeod]

No video for a video production toolkit?

Why?

It immediately begs the question, "why isn't there a demo video?"

And that Camtasia video is not doing you any favors.

Best,

Brian

[Scott Murdaugh]

You have a big ugly graphic taking up some of your most valuable real estate, the lead copy.

I don't want to see a software box... I want to know what you've got and why I want it. And you aren't delivering there either.

Brian is exactly right about the video, it's slow, I hate the music, and I still didn't see the final result of what your software is supposed to do.

And another thing, I know video marketing, I get why it's important. What I don't get is what your software can do that I can't do with Camtasia, or Powerpoint, or Windows Movie Maker, or any of the dozens if not hundreds of similar products.

What makes this unique? If I already have a video production suite on my computer, why should I buy your stuff?

All of the graphics, box covers etc... they look pretty amateurish, but that's the least of your problems at this point.

The bullets aren't specific at all...

How to INFLUENCE your audience!

I don't know what that means... And it doesn't make me curious.

How about something like...

You'll discover one secret technique that an evil dictator used to influence millions of people to do his bidding... And how you can use this same technique to grab your visitors attention and force them to take action... (Warning: This technique can be used for good or evil, please use it responsibly.)

That's off the top of my head and not that great, but it's better than "How to INFLUENCE your audience!"

I wouldn't call it ready for launch just yet. It needs A LOT of work.

Hope that helps.

-Scott

[Daniel Scott]

You have completely missed the mark on what your visitors want.

We could critique the copy til' the cows come home but if you don't get THAT right the rest is a moot point.

To be honest, you are so far off the mark here that my suggestion is to either read a lot of copywriting books, digest them, and try again... or pay a professional to do it.

-Dan

[Daniel Scott]

Well, on the plus side, it would add an 80's disco vibe...

-Dan

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by WordPro

Why is it I've never seen one top copywriter here use blinking text to grab more attention?

What are you talking about? I use it in my headlines every single time!

[Daniel Scott]

My doctor has told me to stop reading your pages, Scheda... they're giving me epileptic fits.

-Dan

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

My doctor has told me to stop reading your pages, Scheda... they're giving me epileptic fits.

-Dan

Then I guess you're not in my target market.

I specifically advertise to non-epileptic copywriters. Go away.

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by WordPro

Why is it I've never seen one top copywriter here use blinking text to grab more attention?

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

[Chris Ramsey]

Originally Posted by WordPro

Mind if I see a few examples?

Warning: This may not work in all browsers.

The Best Product Ever!

Merry Christmas WordPro!

[Aljiro]

It was my very first copy after all Thanks for the pointers. Ima going back to work on this one. And btw my video is in the works already (even before I wrote the page) The big ecover up there is a placeholder really. lol I forgot to point that out.


BTW a big problem im having is pointing out that my product is NOT software. Its 3 ebooks and 1 big graphics package.

[Aljiro]

Im starting to feel real low here. I have no money to hire a professional and I have no skills to make my copy decent.

[nontemplates]

Originally Posted by digitalphantom05

Im starting to feel real low here. I have no money to hire a professional and I have no skills to make my copy decent.

Don't give up. Remember the Internet is wider than a sales page. There are many sites selling software packages of all kinds that are not written by copywriters. They are not all starving and many are in fact doing quite well. If you feel that you can't pull off a sales page then explore a blog or a conventional website. Do the best you can and never believe that hiring someone else is the only way you can be successful.It most definitely is not.

[Aljiro]

That got me Going! I need to rest for a bit then start on working. I think i finally found my mental block. You see I was trying to write my copy and CODE at the same time. That got me going the wrong way... Thanks for everyone's suggestion here. Im gonna take a short break and tackle this big rock head on!

THANK YOU EVERYONE! I am truly grateful for everyone's help

Sincerely,
Aljiro

Originally Posted by WordPro

A good comment at last! Well done. I knew you had it within you Mike. I applaud you finally.

Digital, as my hmmmmmm, dear old codger (mate) above pointed out, there's no point in getting down or feeling that you can't manage this.

You can manage it, you just need to go through these pain barriers - we've all been there and everyone is rooting for you to succeed.

Give it a break for a day, then go back to it with fresh eyes and try starting it over again.

Don't try and rework this copy, you'll end up getting more frustrated than ever.

Write out a few decent headlines, try aiming for anywhere between 25-50 of them, take your time with it - enjoy the process.

Then pick what looks to be the best headline to you, which is a major benefit to your visitors and start to write your copy afresh.

Just let your words flow. OK so, you'll get some words all cockeyed, it's no big deal, I get that all the time too - it's more important for you to just start writing your sales copy again, having a willingness to give it another go.

One guy has just sent me some copy to write, I havn't got the foggiest clue about this product, I'm researching it right now, got a kind of a gist of an idea in my mind, what it's all about -- anyway, so I just went into my writing program and just started writing. This will help me to become more familiar with the subject matter in hand.

Now, I don't mind telling you, this first draft I've done, it's crap. It's all over the place, as wonky as can be, but the more I reflect upon the subject, this niche, the more my mind is piecing together on the quiet, exactly what this product is and as I rewrite the sales copy draft, several times over - the clearer the message will become every time.

It's no good beating myself up about it, getting low, that I don't immediately understand it like the back of my hand, that's just the way it goes sometimes - but in the end being the perfectionist that I am, I will get this right and you can do the same with your sales copy too.

You just need to believe in yourself, that you can do this really well.

I'd like you to visualise your sales copy, in all it's final glory. Visualise it in your mind's eye, in it's perfection - you are absolutely chuffed with the final result and now cast your eye into the future even further and it's converting very well indeed. Can you see that?

If you can visualise that, what did that feeling feel like, seeing your sales copy in it's true perfected form and bringing you in some decent passive income? Did that feel good?

Once you believe that you can do something well - all the laws of the universe will come to your aid, if you know how to switch on the light switch, within your mind.

Whatever you do, enjoy the process of learning -- if you're not enjoying yourself, jump on another fairground ride for a wee bit, there are plenty of 'rides' to choose from.

Just have fun.

If you need encouragement, feel free to send me a pm OK - I've received your last one, but right now, I think you are best attempting this task by yourself. You will feel so much more empowered when you finally nail this one down.

Keep going, stay positive and keep your chin up.

Kindest regards and best wishes.


Mark

[Collette]

Originally Posted by digitalphantom05

...
BTW a big problem im having is pointing out that my product is NOT software. Its 3 ebooks and 1 big graphics package.

Then that's your second biggest problem: Everything about your current copy implies that you're offering a 'plug n' play' solution (usually software).

So you need to scrap what you've written and do it again.

Simple Basic Steps To Follow:

1) What exactly am I offering? (a method, a system, a software, a course, what?) BTW - an e-book is not "an offering". What's inside the e-book is "an offering".

2) Who wants what I'm offering? Be specific. New Internet marketers? Experienced Internet marketers? Pig farmers?

3) Why do these people NEED what I'm offering. Note: NEED. Not "would like to have" or "would be 'nice' to have". e.g. Pig farmers need to be able to show beautiful pictures of all of their pigs in one easy format.

4) Proof what I have will work for you (the people I have identified as people who NEED what I got). Hint: this is your show and tell, dog and pony show.

5) Get it. Here's how. Call to action, order form.


Make an outline using the Simple Basic Steps. Then write your letter using the Steps as a guide. (Jeez. Did I just suggest a 'formula'??!! )

Then come back and we'll abuse you some more.

P.S. Your first biggest problem is your layout. Makes the entire thing unreadable on my screen.

[Collette]

Originally Posted by scheda

What are you talking about? I use it in my headlines every single time!

I'm a HUGE fan of the trailing cursor, meself. That swooping long-tail effect is just so... so... so...

Well, it's something.

(Something best viewed while in the arms of controlled substances )

[nontemplates]

Mark,

Incidentally I just realized your age and we are not that far apart plus you seem to live in the UK which I still think speaks the bloody best English in the world (so much I am afraid I would run off with the first decent woman who spoke to me if I visited) so we may even actually have some things in common. Lets just move on and stop trying to take swipes.

[BrianMcLeod]

Originally Posted by digitalphantom05

Im starting to feel real low here. I have no money to hire a professional and I have no skills to make my copy decent.

Chin up, pal.

We'll help you.

Your investment is sweat equity and taking good advice on board.

If you do that, this forum has proven time and again to bend over backwards helping others for F R E E.

Brian