Does my sales page need help?

[egaeb]

Hi!

I took the advice of some great warriors here on changes to make to my site:
1. take it off of the original domain for my other related service business and give it its own domain and web page.
2. set up metrics (using google analytics)
3. re-work the copy using the strategic advice of Jack Duncan and Ripped

Now I know there is more I can do to like setting up auto-responders to build my list and offer something free etc. BUT what I'm looking for FIRST is feedback on the copy changes. I'm not sure how effective my sales copy is. I've used the wording from my higher CTR ads to use on the page and tried to follow the strategies presented to me in a thread I had about conversion rate expectations.

Out of 600+ hits I've only made 2 sales. I altered the copy again to try and improve this and I just threw another $100 at Google and if any changes need to be made I'd like to make them before I lose another $100.

If you could please take a few minute to look at my site and give me some constructive feedback, I would really appreciate it If this doesn't turn around soon I might just scrap it and move on to another niche as I have another product and sales page ready to go...

Sell More Insurance - Sell More Insurance

[Scott Murdaugh]

The first problem I see is that I don't immediately know that the page is aimed at insurance salesmen... Put that in the headline.

I come from a sales background, I wouldn't buy that.

Why is a financial adviser teaching me how to sell insurance? If you want to keep that spin at turn it into a story or something.

It hurts to read... You've got all of the text centered. I'd say it needs more than a little work, I'd scrap it and rewrite it.

Good luck,

-Scott

[egaeb]

Thank you Scott,

I've changed it up

Current (updated) version: Sell More Insurance - Insurance Sales Tricks Sell More Insurance
Previous version: Sell More Insurance - Sell More Insurance
Even earlier version: www.Sell-More-Insurance.com/Sell-Insurance.html

Any feedback is appreciated!

[Scott Murdaugh]

The main question in my mind when reading the page would be "Who is this guy and why should I buy what he's selling?"

There's no back story, no indication of who you are or how you came across this information.

There are still a lot of references to financial planning even though it's geared towards insurance salesman. (Check your ecover.)

Beyond that there isn't a lot to critique... You haven't done a lot of selling. It's hard to sell anything with only a couple of hundred words.

Good luck,

-Scott

[egaeb]

hmmm.... Okay I guess I have a lot more work ahead of me. I'm pausing my Ad campaign. I might just hire someone from elance...it doesn't seem like writing sales copy is one of my talents...

I've also been looking at competing websites and it looks like I might need to hire a graphic designer as well.

Regarding the "financial advisor" thing, I don't know how it is in other countries but in Canada when insurance companies like Sun Life Financial hire insurance sales people, the title they are given is "Financial Advisor" (I guess being called "insurance salesman" is detrimental to getting sales). If this might be a contributing source of confusion for people I'm going to have to change that too.

I'm afraid of sinking too much money into this, losing it, and then not having a large enough investment for the other ones I have planned which may potentially be better performers and outside of this frustrating niche.

I truly, deeply, dislike working in this niche. The only reason I chose it is because I am familiar with it and I already run a successful service business in this niche. However, I would love to have my income come from a different source - a product and not a service -as it is a total pain to run a service business especially for high cost services.

[Scott Murdaugh]

it doesn't seem like writing sales copy is one of my talents...

You never know... Most of the pros on this board have years of experience and have invested thousands of dollars in education to learn the craft, it's not something that most people can just sit down and do overnight.

When I think of "financial advisor" and "insurance sales" I think of two different occupations, so that may cause some confusion.

I'd be careful hiring a "copywriter" from e-lance, I can't speak for all of them but I've heard plenty of horror stories.

Sales people are hungry for more sales... And even the best cold callers out there hate cold calling. I'd say you've got a product and a market.

You might hit Amazon up and grab a few books on copywriting, there's a great thread about them here... Top Copywriting Books... Ever

Good luck,

-Scott

[Daniel Scott]

I wouldn't hold your breath if you want to find a good copywriter on elance.

Elance generates a "flea barn" mentality in buyers and sellers... so most good copywriters stay away from it.

In my country, financial advisors help you invest your money. They don't sell you insurance.

If you hate this niche, I'd choose something else. It may take long to get profitable, but at least you won't hate working towards that goal (and it might take you longer than you think... I know it did for me).

-Dan

[nontemplates]

Originally Posted by egaeb

Regarding the "financial advisor" thing, I don't know how it is in other countries but in Canada when insurance companies like Sun Life Financial hire insurance sales people, the title they are given is "Financial Advisor"

Theres a similiar convention in the US if the agent sells some investment products - Mutual funds, Annuities etc. Even some Universal Life products depending on what the savings side of that is tied to. Not that big a stigma about being called an insurance salesman but life insurance guys like to get through the door without talking about life insurance cause death isn't a great thought for an enthuiastic welcome.

I truly, deeply, dislike working in this niche. The only reason I chose it is because I am familiar with it and I already run a successful service business in this niche.

Do you see a need? What kind of research indicated to you that there was demand? Copy can only do so much. I come from the same insurance background and it seems like a hard sell to me. Most agents I've known personally have been trained in the field and I've never even thought to get a book on it. Books to pass licensing test and product manuals yes. General sales books sre read as well but I and almost every other agent I knew was mentored. If that didn't do it they were part of the agent turnover stats.

[RentItNow]

You need SERIOUS design changes. You have made just about every mistake you can make as far as design is concern. Don't worry - we have all done it.

I would take that $100, quadruple it and pay some designer to redo the page. That would be your best money spent.

1) You are not targeting your audience fast enough.
2) The text is to hard to read (for many reasons).
3) The green background may need to be blue.
4) Your graphics (especially cover) needs work.
5) I think you would sell well at $9.95 after you have a nice site.

Keep at it. I get the feeling it will work well. My brother and sister were in this niche and would have easily paid you $10 to learn how not to cold call.

[ikeos]

How about leading-off with the screenshot of your account right after the heading?

If I was a struggling salesman and I hit your landing page... and actually saw a screenshot of a pathetic account (that looked like mine) showing the earnings BEFORE the 80% increase in sales (say a screenshot dated May 2009)... and an after-shot of your account once you discovered the best thing since sliced bread (dated June 2009)...

I would be like... wow- I want that "instant" money mojo this dude discovered.

If I can associate myself as a person LIKE YOU I will feel more comfortable using what you used to get the results I'm seeking.

-Jay

[egaeb]

Thank you everyone!

I'm thinking about this quite a bit but haven't taken any action since my last post. I'm a bit "frozen" because I'm not sure if I want to continue with this or move on to something new my partner and I have been discussing.

I'm terribly embarrassed at the low quality of my site now that I've looked at my competition as well as some brilliantly thought out IM sites. I'm ready to pump a lot of cash into an IM business but I'm still at a loss as to whether this will be the one or if another direction is best. I think I'll do some more reading and learning from others because learning first hand is quite costly.

[Intrepreneur]

In my opinion (not a full fledged copywriter but been listening and learning) you need a sub headline.

I think maybe..

Calling ALL Frustrated SalesMen and SalesWomen

Learn How to Guarantee an 80% Increase In Sales

Then maybe even a sub headlne..

Veteran salesman earning 100+K per year shares his secret selling strategies that catapulted him to the front of the line. (although this would have to be true to be ethical).