Best Headline?

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 11:42 AM

Hey Guys.

Which of these 6 headlines do you like the best?

Headline 1

Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques
To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Want to Do Business With
You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 2

Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques
To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out to Do
Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 3

I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them
Want to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Headline 4

I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them
Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Headline 5

Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market
And Make Them Seek You Out to Do Business With You
Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed!

Headline 6

Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market
To Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Jack

Alexa Smith · 08-14-2009, 11:45 AM

Is there a way to re-word one/any of them to start with "You ..." rather than (effectively) "I"?

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 11:48 AM

Good Point .. I can try

these are a work in progress

Jack

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 11:51 AM

A few More

Here's How To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Now You Can Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ...
Guaranteed!

Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
To Do Business With You Over and Over Again -
I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!

Matthew Iannotti · 08-14-2009, 12:05 PM

Discover how you can hypnotize your market that takes you from zero to hero generating repeat business over and over....

Just through that together...

I like your # 2 as well..

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 12:17 PM

You know I just realized something

My first Ever headline was my infamous Free Sex
headline ...

Free SEX!

Now I'm talking about SEDUCING Your Market

Maybe I need to take a cold shower before writing headlines?

Jack

haikuangel · 08-14-2009, 12:29 PM

Hi! I think you need to reword your headline a little bit and remove the first person explitives. It seems impersonal and it doesnt allow the consumer to discover "for themselves" Try an empowering approach, its always better to titilate by self discovery.

Bill Jeffels · 08-14-2009, 01:04 PM

"How To Seduce Your Market
And Have Them Do Business
With You Continuously"

Have your customers putting
money in your bank account
again... and again

I also like Headline #1 of post #4.

Take care,

Bill Jeffels

arj_n · 08-14-2009, 02:11 PM

I like starting off with 'Seduce' like in this version:

"Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out
To Do Business With You Over and Over Again -
I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!"

I would reword "I'll Show You How... Guaranteed!", to something more like, "You Can Get Started Today!", give them a stronger call to action. The reader will catch on to the 'Seduce your market' bit, and then you convince them that they can do it now, no muss no fuss.

Kyle Tully · 08-14-2009, 05:51 PM

Hey Jack

Who is your market?

I'm not sure if "seduce your market" is what most people want... or even understand.

All the headlines basically say the same thing, why not brainstorm some different approaches, I'm sure you'll find a much stronger angle.

Cheers
Kyle

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyle Tully

Hey Jack

Who is your market?

I'm not sure if "seduce your market" is what most people want... or even understand.

All the headlines basically say the same thing, why not brainstorm some different approaches, I'm sure you'll find a much stronger angle.

Cheers
Kyle

The Market is Small Business Owners

Here's the Thing ...

My Client wants a Softer and Gentler Sell because that's how she speaks

Nothing With "Cash Sucking" Or "Massacre The Competition"

She won't even let me offer "Free Sex" as a bonus

Jack

Kyle Tully · 08-14-2009, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jack Bastide

The Market is Small Business Owners

Here's the Thing ...

My Client wants a Softer and Gentler Sell because that's how she speaks

Nothing With "Cash Sucking" Or "Massacre The Competition"

She won't even let me offer "Free Sex" as a bonus

Jack

Like I said, you should brainstorm some different approaches... there are a LOT more angles than "Cash Sucking" or "Massacre The Competition"... and, at least to me, "seduce your market" doesn't sound much less "hypey" or "hard sell" anyway.

How many small business owners have woken up in the middle of the night, slapped their forehead and exclaimed... "damn, if only i could seduce my market!"?

What have you gotten from your research of the market? What are they telling you? I'd be SHOCKED if any of them mentioned the word "seduce".

Mr. Subtle · 08-14-2009, 09:01 PM

When I read the word SEDUCE (six times!) it made me twitch. So I did a quick Websters/Dictionary(dot)com search for the meaning... just to make sure I really did understand the meaning of the word.

Well, here's what the experts say it means:

to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty
to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises
to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; corrupt.
to lead or draw away, as from principles, faith, or allegiance

WOW!... disobedience... disloyalty... lead astray... false promises... corrupt... YIKES!

Dump that bad boy verb and find something much better JACK and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, ... until you find one.

Jack Bastide · 08-14-2009, 10:42 PM

One of the things I market is Send Out Cards which
is a tool for building strong relationships with your
customers

Awhile ago I tested the following words in My Twitter Profile
to market Send Out Cards

"How to Make Your Customers Fall In Love With You
And Recommend You To All Their Friends"

I got a TON of business Owners asking me about my
profile

So 'Seduce Your Market' Came From That

A synonym of Seduce is Attract

Other possible words are

Charm
Captivate
Allure
Enchant

I'll see what I can do with these words Since you
guy hate the word Seduce so much

Jack

P.S. I was just over at copywritingboard.com and somebody had the follwing
in their sig file: "The Hypnotic Copywriter - How To Use Simple Words To Persuade
& Seduce Your Prospects"

So I'm not the Only one that uses that word .. LOL

colmodwyer · 08-15-2009, 01:52 AM

Yeah, I'm with the "seduce" is a turn off gang... It kind of sounds like you want to bed you customer. Which is absolutely the case if you're writing a brothel promo.

But I can't imagine you are.

Other than that the headline (or variation of) is very flat. The prospect has seen it a billion times before.

Colm

AlanCarr · 08-15-2009, 02:59 AM

I'll throw in my 2 cents - the "seek you out" ones just don't roll off the tongue nicely. Get kinnda stuck behind the teeth somewhere..

CDarklock · 08-15-2009, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colmodwyer

Yeah, I'm with the "seduce" is a turn off gang... It kind of sounds like you want to bed you customer.

Actually, being "in bed with" someone is a common American euphemism for a business partnership.

Ex. - "Now that Yahoo's in bed with Microsoft, maybe Google will have some real competition."

So maybe it's not such a bad way to put things.

DavidO · 08-15-2009, 08:12 AM

I don't have a problem with "seduce". To me it implies persuasion rather than anything sinister. But I don't like "seek you out". It doesn't work in any of the examples.

Even though I like the word "seduce" I agree that you need to try some completely different angles.

tbarnby · 08-15-2009, 09:29 AM

None of these really grab my attention. They all feel like they focus on "you" instead of my needs. Number 3 isn't too bad, but it still needs work.

Alexa Smith · 08-15-2009, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nim3

Have to say theor not eay to read.

Yup, we all have to say that occasionally.

Jack Bastide · 08-15-2009, 10:32 AM

Hey Everybody,

although I still like "Seduce Your Market" I'm going
in a different direction for now

I may still split test that headline because the
bottom line is this ...

it's not what WE think works

The customer votes with their wallet

I have done some unconvential things in the past
that have pulled like gangbusters

so ya never know until you test

thanks for all the feedback!

Jack

digitalboyz · 08-16-2009, 08:58 AM

I will choose headline 4

I think it give me some material I need -I want to stand out of the crowd and get people come for me and buy over and over

other headlines sound boring...

08-14-2009, 11:42 AM	#1
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Best Headline? Hey Guys. Which of these 6 headlines do you like the best? Headline 1 Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Want to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Headline 2 Expert Communication Specialist Exposes Powerful Techniques To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Headline 3 I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them Want to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Headline 4 I Can Help You Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Headline 5 Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Headline 6 Expert Communication Expert Helps You Seduce Your Market To Seek You Out to Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Jack
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-14-2009, 11:45 AM	#2
Alexa Smith Wordsmith (& Skepchick) War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 13,615 Thanks: 7,490 Thanked 9,523 Times in 4,939 Posts	Re: Best Headline? Is there a way to re-word one/any of them to start with "You ..." rather than (effectively) "I"?
	Alexa Smith ... ... writes stuff that snaps, crackles and pops - even if it's only about cauliflowers.

08-14-2009, 11:48 AM	#3
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? Good Point .. I can try these are a work in progress Jack
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-14-2009, 11:51 AM	#4
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? A few More Here's How To Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Now You Can Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out To Do Business With You Over and Over Again ... Guaranteed! Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out To Do Business With You Over and Over Again - I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-14-2009, 12:05 PM	#5
Matthew Iannotti Software Developer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Queens, NY Posts: 1,093 Thanks: 371 Thanked 250 Times in 103 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? Discover how you can hypnotize your market that takes you from zero to hero generating repeat business over and over.... Just through that together... I like your # 2 as well..
	Local Marketing Titan - Auto Review Site Submission - Backlink Builder - Client Tracking & Reporting + More! Power Leads Pro - Worlds Most Powerful Lead Generation Software

08-14-2009, 12:17 PM	#6
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? You know I just realized something My first Ever headline was my infamous Free Sex headline ... Free SEX! Now I'm talking about SEDUCING Your Market Maybe I need to take a cold shower before writing headlines? Jack
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-14-2009, 12:29 PM	#7
haikuangel Active Warrior Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 34 Thanks: 0 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Best Headline? Hi! I think you need to reword your headline a little bit and remove the first person explitives. It seems impersonal and it doesnt allow the consumer to discover "for themselves" Try an empowering approach, its always better to titilate by self discovery.

08-14-2009, 01:04 PM	#8
Bill Jeffels Copywriter / Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 348 Thanks: 110 Thanked 81 Times in 71 Posts	Re: Best Headline? "How To Seduce Your Market And Have Them Do Business With You Continuously" Have your customers putting money in your bank account again... and again I also like Headline #1 of post #4. Take care, Bill Jeffels
	Bond Halberts Bad Ass Blog " You Are One Sales Letter Away From Being Rich " --Gary Halbert Last edited by Bill Jeffels; 08-14-2009 at 02:03 PM. Reason: add to subhead

08-14-2009, 02:11 PM	#9
arj_n Warrior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Social Networking	Re: Best Headline? I like starting off with 'Seduce' like in this version: "Seduce Your Market And Make Them Seek You Out To Do Business With You Over and Over Again - I'll Show You How ... Guaranteed!" I would reword "I'll Show You How... Guaranteed!", to something more like, "You Can Get Started Today!", give them a stronger call to action. The reader will catch on to the 'Seduce your market' bit, and then you convince them that they can do it now, no muss no fuss.
	Video Army About Me

08-14-2009, 05:51 PM	#10
Kyle Tully ConsultingTycoon.com War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Vaucluse, Australia. Posts: 2,343 Thanks: 98 Thanked 268 Times in 128 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? Hey Jack Who is your market? I'm not sure if "seduce your market" is what most people want... or even understand. All the headlines basically say the same thing, why not brainstorm some different approaches, I'm sure you'll find a much stronger angle. Cheers Kyle
	Thought About Offline Consulting? Fiona - $5,500 + $600/m 1st Week... Anthony - $7k + $594/m... Liz - $12k 1st Month... Rob - $7k + $800/ 1st Month... Scott - $45,000 in 3m... 20/yo Jock 6-Figure Client 2nd Month Don't you deserve the same unfair advantage?

08-14-2009, 09:01 PM	#13
Mr. Subtle HyperActive Warrior Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: not too far from Intercourse, Blue Ball & Paradise, PA Posts: 368 Thanks: 1 Thanked 451 Times in 151 Posts	Re: Best Headline? When I read the word SEDUCE (six times!) it made me twitch. So I did a quick Websters/Dictionary(dot)com search for the meaning... just to make sure I really did understand the meaning of the word. Well, here's what the experts say it means: to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; corrupt. to lead or draw away, as from principles, faith, or allegiance WOW!... disobedience... disloyalty... lead astray... false promises... corrupt... YIKES! Dump that bad boy verb and find something much better JACK and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, ... until you find one.
	http://marketingbrainfarts.com/4hire.html

08-14-2009, 10:42 PM	#14
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? One of the things I market is Send Out Cards which is a tool for building strong relationships with your customers Awhile ago I tested the following words in My Twitter Profile to market Send Out Cards "How to Make Your Customers Fall In Love With You And Recommend You To All Their Friends" I got a TON of business Owners asking me about my profile So 'Seduce Your Market' Came From That A synonym of Seduce is Attract Other possible words are Charm Captivate Allure Enchant I'll see what I can do with these words Since you guy hate the word Seduce so much Jack P.S. I was just over at copywritingboard.com and somebody had the follwing in their sig file: "The Hypnotic Copywriter - How To Use Simple Words To Persuade & Seduce Your Prospects" So I'm not the Only one that uses that word .. LOL
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-15-2009, 01:52 AM	#15
colmodwyer Raider Of The Lost Fart War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Baltimore, MD Posts: 1,534 Thanks: 43 Thanked 140 Times in 79 Posts	Re: Best Headline? Yeah, I'm with the "seduce" is a turn off gang... It kind of sounds like you want to bed you customer. Which is absolutely the case if you're writing a brothel promo. But I can't imagine you are. Other than that the headline (or variation of) is very flat. The prospect has seen it a billion times before. Colm

08-15-2009, 02:59 AM	#16
AlanCarr Ace Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Tropical Island... Posts: 380 Thanks: 35 Thanked 48 Times in 36 Posts Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? I'll throw in my 2 cents - the "seek you out" ones just don't roll off the tongue nicely. Get kinnda stuck behind the teeth somewhere..

08-15-2009, 08:12 AM	#18
DavidO Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: United Kingdom, Spain Posts: 2,031 Thanks: 10 Thanked 101 Times in 58 Posts	Re: Best Headline? I don't have a problem with "seduce". To me it implies persuasion rather than anything sinister. But I don't like "seek you out". It doesn't work in any of the examples. Even though I like the word "seduce" I agree that you need to try some completely different angles.

08-15-2009, 09:29 AM	#19
tbarnby Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 17 Thanks: 0 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Best Headline? None of these really grab my attention. They all feel like they focus on "you" instead of my needs. Number 3 isn't too bad, but it still needs work.

08-15-2009, 10:32 AM	#21
Jack Bastide Handsome ... but Humble : War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: , , USA. Posts: 1,206 Thanks: 65 Thanked 153 Times in 69 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Best Headline? Hey Everybody, although I still like "Seduce Your Market" I'm going in a different direction for now I may still split test that headline because the bottom line is this ... it's not what WE think works The customer votes with their wallet I have done some unconvential things in the past that have pulled like gangbusters so ya never know until you test thanks for all the feedback! Jack
	STOP BUYING WSO's! - It's very easy to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of time chasing MAGIC BULLETS. I make thousands of dollars every month with a business that costs less than $300 to start. I can help you do the same - FREE UNLIMITED ONE ON ONE COACHING - PM ME

08-16-2009, 08:58 AM	#22
digitalboyz Active Warrior Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 36 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Best Headline? I will choose headline 4 I think it give me some material I need -I want to stand out of the crowd and get people come for me and buy over and over other headlines sound boring...