My Very First Sales Copy < PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!!

[Mukul Verma]

THANKS IN ADVANCE

I have done many things online, but never copy writing, so it goes - Untitled Document

Tell me what you think? I am a big boy, the more honest, the better.

Thanks AGAIN!!!

Mukul

PS - WooHoo!!!!

[Mukul Verma]

Anyone got any comments on this PLEASE?

[Justin Mandel]

My comment is that you should take a look at other salesletters and see why they might be successful then start by trying to make adjustments to your own copy based on that.

Best of Luck!

[Matt Jutras]

Hi Mukul,

The headline needs work. It's a little stilted.

You also start off in the letter by repeating yourself here:

Lets Face It – a VIDEO IS A HUGE way to drive traffic to your website, free and targeted traffic.

A video is now one of the leading ways to generate FREE Traffic to your website on the Internet.

But that's really the least of the problem here. If you make such a generalized, boring statement at the very beginning of your letter, then nobody is going to bother reading past it.

That's why the "if/then" formula is popular for starting your letter off...

So, something like this would be better:

"If you want to learn how to drive one million visitors to your site using the power of free video, then keep reading this letter"

Or something like that...just something quick for an example.

Or, start off with a question to tickle curiousity:

"Would you like to flood your website with over a million visitors...for free?"

And so on.

I'm also not sure what you mean by "video market", in your letter one of the subheads says this:

Do You Want Your Share of The Video Market?

So is this product about getting into the video market or is it about video marketing, as there is a really big difference.

Small details like that may seem unimportant, but trust me...it's very critical to be 100% clear on what it is you're talking about and what you're offering...because if people are confused they are never going to buy from you. And your letter is quite confusing.

Overall, I'm going to suggest that you buy a few books on copywriting.

Your letter needs a total rewrite from the ground up.

Keep in mind that you will likely have to rewrite and revise about a hundred times or so before you have something passable...so if time is an issue you may want to seriously consider hiring someone to do it for you.

Good luck! Whoo hooo!

[mariner7]

You could point out that Video traffic could be something that's missing from the reader's marketing efforts.

People are more likely to act when something is missing from their lives rather getting more of what they already have.

I's also recommend having links to your videos with major hits on them to boost your credibility.

[Kevin Lam]

It's "P.P.S" and "P.P.P.S" not "P.S.S.".

Try this headline:

WARNING: What You're About To See Here May Be Illegal! Close This Page Now!

"How I Bent YouTube Over and Forcefully Generated Over 1,000,000 Views Without Getting Caught And I'm About To Show You The Step-By-Step Process To Do This Yourself on VIDEO."

I know the imagery is quite vivid, but that's the point. This is meant to peak the reader's interest and take the risk of reading. This makes your product much more exclusive and people will want to be part of it even if it is illegal, but they'll find out it's not and it will put their mind at ease. Take this idea and run with it.

The sales copy will look much better with color, font style and images. So no point saying anything else at this point. I see there's going to be a lot of lists. You're borderline for having too much.

Anyway, that's what I've got at this point. I don't have the time to actually read the whole thing. Just make sure you get some testimonials to back yourself up and perhaps even provide a preview of your videos or pictures of the video chapters to show what they'd learn for that chapter, etc.

Good luck now.

[Mukul Verma]

Thanks guys for the great tips, very interesting angles.

Anyone else got anything, please share.

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Love the headline Kevin. Great name too.

Originally Posted by Kevin Lam

It's "P.P.S" and "P.P.P.S" not "P.S.S.".
Try this headline: