Salesletter Review Needed

Bishop81 · 09-14-2008, 03:50 PM

I really need some kind warriors to look at my salesletter and tell me what you think about it. Don't hold back, I really want this to be successful, so all critique is welcome.

Do NOT purchase through the link, if you happen to like the product. I will be posting it as a WSO, so warriors will get it free, with the ability to sell as an affiliate.

Anyway, please let me know what you think. This is my first salesletter, so I'm not entirely confident with it yet. It does look pretty good to me, though.

http://www.tipstofixcredit.com/CRBasics

KimW · 09-14-2008, 03:58 PM

Chris,
My very first comment is that your box looks out of proportion.
I'll send you more comments a bit later.
Kim

Bishop81 · 09-14-2008, 04:11 PM

Yeah, that's my first box too.

I'll play with it a little tonight and see if I can get it better.

Bruce Wedding · 09-14-2008, 04:32 PM

Nobody wants to 'learn about credit repair today".

Think about the driving force for your product. It isn't even that people want to remove negative items from their credit report. What they really want is to be able to rent or buy a home, get a credit card, buy a car etc.

Think about that and start over.

Bishop81 · 09-14-2008, 06:07 PM

Good point. I need to redo that.

My goal right now is to get people into my list, in order to educate them on how to go about rebuilding their credit. I'm working at getting a series of reports on the subject, touching on the various aspects, but they will do you know good without knowing the basics. I see what you're saying, and will see what I can do with it.

Thanks!

CopyMonster · 09-14-2008, 06:21 PM

What Bruce said

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

Nobody wants to 'learn about credit repair today".

Think about the driving force for your product. It isn't even that people want to remove negative items from their credit report. What they really want is to be able to rent or buy a home, get a credit card, buy a car etc.

Think about that and start over.

Layout is hard to read. I find it too wide and centered text puts me off. But you have bigger copy issues.

Who are you selling this too? What's the big PAINFUL issue for them? What are they stressed out about? It's not their knowledge of credit repair. That might be a cause but why do they want to repair it in the first place? What does having a bad credit score mean in their lives... the problem. This should be your focus. Then what are you offering to help them solve this and why should they buy from you?

Good on ya for taking the effort.

Bruce Wedding · 09-14-2008, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bishop81

Good point. I need to redo that.

My goal right now is to get people into my list, in order to educate them on how to go about rebuilding their credit. I'm working at getting a series of reports on the subject, touching on the various aspects, but they will do you know good without knowing the basics. I see what you're saying, and will see what I can do with it.

Thanks!

Your goal, while admirable, will not sell product. Keep in mind, people don't want to "be educated". They want their problem solved quickly and easily.

Bruce NewMedia · 09-14-2008, 11:28 PM

OK, just a quick run-through: The graphics for this are all wrong. The main Credit card graphic is blurred. The Product box is distorted and probably too big. The dotted line around the page is too busy - doesn't work.

As others have mentioned you are selling something that people are not really interested in. I don't see where you are establishing the connection between better credit AND THEM GETTING WHAT THEY WANT.

I 've sold some credit related products. I can tell you people generally do not want to "LEARN ABOUT CREDIT". They WILL buy if you provide them with quick, relatively painless SOLUTIONS..... Frankly, I don't see that here.

Copy has no testimonials, does not tell why I should listen to you and why I should buy from you. WHO ARE YOU? Are you a former Credit Card Issuer?
Are you a Banker? ....and almost half the actual copy is basically a 'plea' to buy because its so cheap (McDonalds hamburger etc) only $7. ..."buy it to re-sell it" etc. ...

Nothing there that makes me see the VALUE ON ITS OWN.

Anyway, these are just one man's opinion, and I'm sure you can improve it.
Good Luck.
________
Bruce

Bishop81 · 09-15-2008, 12:01 AM

Yeah, I can see I'm going about it all wrong. I'm also using the $7 script, which is why there's so much "It's only $7" in there.

Thanks for all the critique, and I hope you guys are willing to check it out again in round 2.

09-14-2008, 03:50 PM	#1
Bishop81 Programmer Extraordinaire War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Olathe, KS USA. Posts: 700 Thanks: 39 Thanked 30 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking	Salesletter Review Needed I really need some kind warriors to look at my salesletter and tell me what you think about it. Don't hold back, I really want this to be successful, so all critique is welcome. Do NOT purchase through the link, if you happen to like the product. I will be posting it as a WSO, so warriors will get it free, with the ability to sell as an affiliate. Anyway, please let me know what you think. This is my first salesletter, so I'm not entirely confident with it yet. It does look pretty good to me, though. http://www.tipstofixcredit.com/CRBasics
	I'm tired of my signature... Deleted.

09-14-2008, 03:58 PM	#2
KimW Cranky Old Man War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Virginia,USA. Posts: 1,255 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 2,079 Thanked 2,010 Times in 1,144 Posts Social Networking	Re: Salesletter Review Needed Chris, My very first comment is that your box looks out of proportion. I'll send you more comments a bit later. Kim
	KimsKidney.com is here Keep Ken Strong

09-14-2008, 04:11 PM	#3
Bishop81 Programmer Extraordinaire War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Olathe, KS USA. Posts: 700 Thanks: 39 Thanked 30 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking	Re: Salesletter Review Needed Yeah, that's my first box too. I'll play with it a little tonight and see if I can get it better.
	I'm tired of my signature... Deleted.

09-14-2008, 04:32 PM	#4
Bruce Wedding The Reality Check War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Cancun, Quintana Roo, MX Posts: 3,545 Thanks: 266 Thanked 464 Times in 215 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Salesletter Review Needed Nobody wants to 'learn about credit repair today". Think about the driving force for your product. It isn't even that people want to remove negative items from their credit report. What they really want is to be able to rent or buy a home, get a credit card, buy a car etc. Think about that and start over.
	Cancun Beach Bum

09-14-2008, 06:07 PM	#5
Bishop81 Programmer Extraordinaire War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Olathe, KS USA. Posts: 700 Thanks: 39 Thanked 30 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking	Re: Salesletter Review Needed Good point. I need to redo that. My goal right now is to get people into my list, in order to educate them on how to go about rebuilding their credit. I'm working at getting a series of reports on the subject, touching on the various aspects, but they will do you know good without knowing the basics. I see what you're saying, and will see what I can do with it. Thanks!
	I'm tired of my signature... Deleted.

09-14-2008, 11:28 PM	#8
Bruce NewMedia www.OfflineAdvance.com War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 2,005 Thanks: 1,272 Thanked 573 Times in 314 Posts	Re: Salesletter Review Needed OK, just a quick run-through: The graphics for this are all wrong. The main Credit card graphic is blurred. The Product box is distorted and probably too big. The dotted line around the page is too busy - doesn't work. As others have mentioned you are selling something that people are not really interested in. I don't see where you are establishing the connection between better credit AND THEM GETTING WHAT THEY WANT. I 've sold some credit related products. I can tell you people generally do not want to "LEARN ABOUT CREDIT". They WILL buy if you provide them with quick, relatively painless SOLUTIONS..... Frankly, I don't see that here. Copy has no testimonials, does not tell why I should listen to you and why I should buy from you. WHO ARE YOU? Are you a former Credit Card Issuer? Are you a Banker? ....and almost half the actual copy is basically a 'plea' to buy because its so cheap (McDonalds hamburger etc) only $7. ..."buy it to re-sell it" etc. ... Nothing there that makes me see the VALUE ON ITS OWN. Anyway, these are just one man's opinion, and I'm sure you can improve it. Good Luck. ________ Bruce

09-15-2008, 12:01 AM	#9
Bishop81 Programmer Extraordinaire War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Olathe, KS USA. Posts: 700 Thanks: 39 Thanked 30 Times in 26 Posts Social Networking	Re: Salesletter Review Needed Yeah, I can see I'm going about it all wrong. I'm also using the $7 script, which is why there's so much "It's only $7" in there. Thanks for all the critique, and I hope you guys are willing to check it out again in round 2.
	I'm tired of my signature... Deleted.