Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com

saleswriter101 · 09-09-2009, 08:57 PM

Your comments help so much... please take a quick look...

:: AbMyths.com : Easiest Way to Six-Pack Abs, Defined Muscle, Oodles of Energy & Vibrant Health...

Thanks!
Scott

Justin Mandel · 09-09-2009, 09:27 PM

It looks like a small mess

It's VERY confusing to look at, not orderly at all, and a strain on the eyes

You need to reformat it to improve it's appearance

(I did not even bother to read it)

MarkAndrews IMCopywriting · 09-09-2009, 09:33 PM

What did you do, spill mushy pea's over your
testimonial box?

Ditto to above poster.

Looks like it was put together with very little
thought in 2 minutes flat.

Overall impression out of 10?

About -10.

That's the best I can do I'm afraid.

Best wishes.

Mark Andrews

Matt Jutras · 09-09-2009, 09:37 PM

"one of my cousins just looked at me and kept saying WOW! WOW! WOW!""

Kevin Lam · 09-09-2009, 09:46 PM

Scott, good attempt, but first image that popped into my head after looking was someone puking.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get down to some basics.

1) You are creating WAY too many distractions. It's great that you're trying to emphasize some important content, but when you emphasize EVERYTHING, NOTHING gets noticed. It's like the saying where people who claim to know everything know nothing. It's the same thing here.

2) It doesn't seem to be very realistic. You come across pretty much saying you've got the fastest and easiest way to rock-solid abs... where's the proof? When it comes down to products relating to fitness, you need some REAL proof not some stock-image of someone being buff. You need realistic looking pictures to show the before and after results.

3) What the heck is with "Right NOW see ..." - it doesn't even make sense.

4) Instead of "Detail #1", you can say "Ab Secret #1" and etc.

5) There's just too much going on here. This is kinda covered in #1, but I felt it was important to mention it again. Nearly 90% of your sales copy is emphasized in some form or shape. This is NOT how you do it.

Being a squeeze page, you need to get in and get out. Show a little skin and make them want more. Give them a little nibble/taste of what's to really come so they are so excited that they want the whole thing. With this, you're scaring people away.

Anyway, there's a lot more, but please take this back to the drawing board. Good luck.

saleswriter101 · 09-10-2009, 08:42 AM

Ouch!

Thank you all.

---
Scott

09-09-2009, 08:57 PM	#1
saleswriter101 Active Warrior Join Date: May 2008 Location: , , Canada. Posts: 30 Thanks: 24 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com Your comments help so much... please take a quick look... :: AbMyths.com : Easiest Way to Six-Pack Abs, Defined Muscle, Oodles of Energy & Vibrant Health... Thanks! Scott
	Last edited by saleswriter101; 09-09-2009 at 08:59 PM. Reason: typo

09-09-2009, 09:27 PM	#2
Justin Mandel Trust Establisher War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Long Island, NY. Posts: 2,697 Thanks: 248 Thanked 111 Times in 87 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com It looks like a small mess It's VERY confusing to look at, not orderly at all, and a strain on the eyes You need to reformat it to improve it's appearance (I did not even bother to read it)
	The NEW Upgraded Online Version 1.2 is Coming... "I.M. Press Release Generator" Easily Affordable Do-It-Yourself High-End Video Marketing!

09-09-2009, 09:33 PM	#3
MarkAndrews IMCopywriting http://IMCopywriting.com War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: UK Posts: 1,119 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 594 Thanked 288 Times in 222 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com What did you do, spill mushy pea's over your testimonial box? Ditto to above poster. Looks like it was put together with very little thought in 2 minutes flat. Overall impression out of 10? About -10. That's the best I can do I'm afraid. Best wishes. Mark Andrews
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09-09-2009, 09:37 PM	#4
Matt Jutras Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Alpharetta, GA. Posts: 392 Thanks: 118 Thanked 90 Times in 65 Posts	Re: Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com "one of my cousins just looked at me and kept saying WOW! WOW! WOW!""
	*Get A Sizzling Hot Sales Page For Your Product*

09-09-2009, 09:46 PM	#5
Kevin Lam Dare To Dream War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dallas, Texas, USA. Posts: 640 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 59 Thanked 128 Times in 82 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com Scott, good attempt, but first image that popped into my head after looking was someone puking. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get down to some basics. 1) You are creating WAY too many distractions. It's great that you're trying to emphasize some important content, but when you emphasize EVERYTHING, NOTHING gets noticed. It's like the saying where people who claim to know everything know nothing. It's the same thing here. 2) It doesn't seem to be very realistic. You come across pretty much saying you've got the fastest and easiest way to rock-solid abs... where's the proof? When it comes down to products relating to fitness, you need some REAL proof not some stock-image of someone being buff. You need realistic looking pictures to show the before and after results. 3) What the heck is with "Right NOW see ..." - it doesn't even make sense. 4) Instead of "Detail #1", you can say "Ab Secret #1" and etc. 5) There's just too much going on here. This is kinda covered in #1, but I felt it was important to mention it again. Nearly 90% of your sales copy is emphasized in some form or shape. This is NOT how you do it. Being a squeeze page, you need to get in and get out. Show a little skin and make them want more. Give them a little nibble/taste of what's to really come so they are so excited that they want the whole thing. With this, you're scaring people away. Anyway, there's a lot more, but please take this back to the drawing board. Good luck.
	Best Regards, Kevin Lam TexasSEO.com Copywriting Architect \| Big Texas SEO \| Mini-Commercial Videos

09-10-2009, 08:42 AM	#6
saleswriter101 Active Warrior Join Date: May 2008 Location: , , Canada. Posts: 30 Thanks: 24 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Good Warrior, please comment on my Opt-In: AbMyths.com Ouch! Thank you all. --- Scott