Hmmm ... great offer, crappy conversion - your thoughts

[TimCastleman]

OK let me say upfront. I am not posting this here to promote my WSO, I am interested in getting some opinions from different people on this situation.


About a week ago I posted this WSO which included my 3 offline reports, mentoring MP3s and a chance to win a perfectly good laptop for $25. Now I've always been taught that a good offer makes up for ok copy. I think the copy is good (not perfect) but the offer is great - so I am wondering why this isn't already sold out.

I mean if I had a 1/20 chance of winning a laptop for $25 plus get 3 reports that sold before for $67 I would jump at it.

Your thoughts as to why more people haven't jumped on this?

Tim

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

People buy from people they believe they know and trust.

Your copy hurts your offer. Your copy doesn't have some of the necessary elements to build a relationship with the reader.

Your headline likely hurts you as well.

Try this:

Use just your social proof, put your testimonials INTO the copy (not just left beneath) and create a bullet list of what the person will get.

Create a stronger headline. Create a reason "WHY" you are doing this for $25. A compelling reason.

I'll bet your conversions will go way up.

[TimCastleman]

Kevin -

I agree with you, but I have copies of actual checks, testiomonials in the pages underneath, a good rep, etc.

I'll take make some quick changes.

[Marty S]

I bought your WSO Tim and LOVE the candid interviews so far.

I got computers coming out of my ears, so IF I win it, I promise to donate it to our civic centre which trains young kids down on their luck.

[colmodwyer]

My first thought would be to test your offer in a headline - which is something you don't actually have at the moment...

Probably worth sorting out.

Colm

[Bruce Wedding]

Make the laptop and IPod Nano and watch it sell out.

I think the problem is, people realize your offline experience is all derived from a special talent you have. They don't feel it applies to them. Create an offer and sales package to market offline that any Warrior can do and you'll sell more.

[TimCastleman]

your offline experience is all derived from a special talent you have

If only that was true. Anyone can have the same "talent". Just takes time and energy.

Tim

[MikeHumphreys]

What's the benefit of winning your laptop? Is it new? Is it jam-packed with great business building tools and content? You don't tell us.

Worse, by not telling us, the reader's mind can wander anywhere... is your laptop on its last legs... why are you giving away? Don't you need it for running your business... or did you get a new one?

See what I mean?

That's off the top of my head... add that to the advice you've gotten and it's some real good reasons why your WSO isn't doing as well as you want.

Hope that helps,

Mike

[Dean Dhuli]

Maybe it's got something to do with the price.

Makes me suspicious why you're giving away so much for just $25.




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[The Copy Nazi]

Tim, Oh man...where to start? The headline isn't cutting it. The copy is boring - even I didn't read it all. I could care less about a secondhand laptop and it smacks of BRIBE anyway. You have a glaring TYPO -

Seriously, if you read each report, listen to the MP3 files, and take me up on the email coaching... you WILL make money I’ll refund your money.

Forget the "or" did we? And why oh why put the shots of the checks way down the bottom? They're probably the most compelling elements on the page. Put them above the fold. And where's the photo of the laptop looking all shiny and new? Finally - why are you guys so bloody cheap? If you'd slung me a few hundred I would've sorted this and you would have doubled your money. "3 spots remaining - last chance" - reads like a sign outside a cut-price dollar shop and it just cheapens the offer. Where's the scarcity? Why not turn it around and say "Look there are only three spots left and quite a few people want in. So I've decided to let them go to someone who'll take action and not just download this and forget about it. Convince me you'll use it and you might be lucky" - or some crap like that. But really - get a professional instead of picking our brains for nothing. We get a bit sick of it. cheers mate, Malkie.

[Irish Marketer]

first of all I believe that most think they will never win. If the copy is bad they can't see the great offer. You can have a bad offer with great copy, but never the other way round. if that were the case newspapers would never work.

[The Copy Nazi]

And Tim...never ever say

1. It’s cheap.

say "It won't cost you an arm and a leg" or "Its affordable" or "believe me I could sell this for a lot more" or "It's a great price". But never ever use the word "cheap" - it "cheapens" the offer. You cheapskate.

[Daniel Scott]

Hey Tim,

You know I love you (in a totally platonic, manly way :P) so I hope you keep in mind that I say this with the best of intentions...

First of all... one thing I have learned is that while a good offer is important... bad copy will still kill a great offer.

I think the biggest problem with your copy... and I see this a lot... is that its a little schitzophrenic. You need to kind of be thinking what your reader is... and while the info is all there, it's in the wrong order and a little disjointed... which means its a lot of work to get through.

A deal killer if there ever was one

But before we get to all that... are people even viewing your thread?

If not... it won't make any difference how good or bad your copy is... you need a better thread title.

What kind of conversion rate are you seeing?

And remember... above all... no one can know how good your offer is... if they don't read your copy.

-Dan

[TimCastleman]

Guys thanks for the great comments. Lots to take away here.

Tim

PS: Dan love you to but I am not buying you dinner ;-)

[Daniel Scott]

Tim,

After what happened in Vegas I think dinner is the least you can do.

-Dan

[TimCastleman]

Oh I almost forgot about that.... <shutter> ... yes I owe you a drink.

Tim