Are you serious?

[Emily Meeks]

While dwiddling around on Clickbank, I came across this little gem:

The 100 Calorie Diet

I REALLY hope this wasn't written by a fellow Warrior, because I kept laughing all the way through the sales copy. (And if this person paid someone to write this, I hope they can get their money back!)

[Matt Jutras]

Not as good as Olga but still funny....

Hey, you might eat egg white omelets for breakfast (yuck), tofu burgers for lunch (double yuck) and dry fish for dinner (triple yuck!).

[edmltw]

"Will I be hungry on The 100 Calorie Diet?

No! There is a great section of FREE foods that you can have any time you feel hungry"

So the food comes free with the eBook right? Awesome.. Hope it doesn't spill unto my keyboard though.. LOL

[TristanPerry]

It started off okay-ish, and some bits were quite good </Positivity>. But it also said things like:

Who knows, YOU could be so successful on The 100 Calorie Diet that you could be our next spokesperson and be on the COVER of one of these magazines.

Major News Channels have done entire segments covering 100 Calorie Eating and Snacking. We have taken 100 Calorie Eating to a whole new level.

which are just silly claims. Especially since the second claim seems to imply that this particular eBook has been featured (for "entire segments") on all the major news channels.

[Dean Dhuli]

I agree, it's not really that bad to begin with.

It just starts to sound silly when we reach the 'you could be
on the front cover' part.

And then, if this was really all over the news, he should have included
a clipping of the video also for credibility.

Anyway, I wonder what his conversion rate is.



[

[Alexa Smith]

Wow, it's certainly a very, very bad sales page!

[Ken Strong]

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

Wow, it's certainly a very, very bad sales page!

Reminds me of the Dan Ackroyd character on the really early Saturday Night Live shows, Leonard Pinth-Garnell: "Welcome tonight to BAD Sales Letters. That was really bad."

[affmrktng]

I have to give the person credit for at least making an attempt. But sometimes attempts can hurt ones business. I wonder if they are actually making any money from it.

[Nick Brighton]

It is websites like this that killed the credbility of the term "eBook" a looong time ago. The funny thing is, the product is arguably worse than the copy trying to sell it.

"100 calorie diet"? Yep ok, that's going to be good for you isn't it? This sounds like a law suit waiting to happen - "I tried your 100 calorie diet, then fainted at work and fell down the stairs after 7 days on your diet. Now I can't accept the offer from Vogue magazine because my face is more smashed than a pinyata at a mexcican kid's birthday party"

[Ashley Wright]

Excuse me guys this is my product!! Only kidding, pretty bad though aint it, I would demand every penny back if the person has actually paid to get it done!

[George Wright]

Dear Pros,

Educate me, Other than the wild claims RE: being on a Mag cover or "as featured on TV," What's so bad here? Not the hype, yea that's bad, but other than that. Point out some other things. The student is ready.

About the eBook, (not defending it at all just sayin) it's not a 100 calorie a day diet. It's a controlled calorie diet that measures in increments of 100. To lose weight it's probably a 1200 to 2000 Cal a day diet. The give away is the "free foods," meaning there is a limit to the non free foods.

Back to my question. Your student (me) is ready. What's wrong with the sales letter.

Always wanting to learn,

George Wright

[Ken Strong]

Originally Posted by George Wright

Educate me, Other than the wild claims RE: being on a Mag cover or "as featured on TV," What's so bad here? Not the hype, yea that's bad, but other than that. Point out some other things. The student is ready.

When I made my post above, I was commenting on the reactions, but I didn't actually look at the letter until now. From some of the reactions, I was expecting something so bad it would be funny. Of course it can use improvement, but it's not THAT bad.

[xbokcom]

Do anybody know the conversion of this ebook? I think a person look at the gravity in clickbank to see it. Am I right?

[Emily Meeks]

Originally Posted by xbokcom

Do anybody know the conversion of this ebook? I think a person look at the gravity in clickbank to see it. Am I right?

Gravity was 1.50 or something like that. Personally I think the sales letter would be great satire, but I kinda doubt anyone would shell out the $50 fee just to get a parody posted on Clickbank.

[Dean Dhuli]

Originally Posted by xbokcom

Do anybody know the conversion of this ebook? I think a person look at the gravity in clickbank to see it. Am I right?

The CB gravity score gives you an idea of the approx. number of people
promoting that product.

But there's no way to know the conversion rate of a letter from that.






[

[Daniel Scott]

Hi George,

It's not the worst I've seen... but it ain't good.

The funny thing is that there is some really good elements in there... but overshadowed like a six pack under 20 lbs of fat.

Okay... that's my poetic usage for today :P

Seriously though... I only had a brief look... but here's what stood out to me:

*The letter didn't really have a sense of flow or much of a "story" to it... it jumped around a lot and IMHO would cause a major disconnect to most reader's thought patterns.

*No proof whatsoever. No testimonials, no background on the author... nada. Not good in such a saturated niche where businesses are BUILT on proof.

*The product isn't really discussed. I don't know what it is... some stupid ebook about 100 calorie increments. It might be great, I don't know... but the only benefits given are ultra-vague of how good you will feel when you lose weight. That's not a bad angle to take, but it's executed poorly, and it still needs to tie back in to the product.

*The hype is excruciating... possibly worsened because of a lack of proof.

*I also think the whole letter lacks a hook or USP. There's one buried in there but it really needs to be dug out properly and even then I'm not sure if it would be suitably unique... but it could do okay, I think, with some TLC. As it is, though, there's nothing to separate this from the thousands of other similar me-too products... let alone the ones that are market leaders.

There are other problems... but those are the massive, major, sale-breaking ones I see.

Anyway... that's my two cents. Hope you found it useful.

-Dan

Originally Posted by George Wright

Dear Pros,

Educate me, Other than the wild claims RE: being on a Mag cover or "as featured on TV," What's so bad here? Not the hype, yea that's bad, but other than that. Point out some other things. The student is ready.

About the eBook, (not defending it at all just sayin) it's not a 100 calorie a day diet. It's a controlled calorie diet that measures in increments of 100. To lose weight it's probably a 1200 to 2000 Cal a day diet. The give away is the "free foods," meaning there is a limit to the non free foods.

Back to my question. Your student (me) is ready. What's wrong with the sales letter.

Always wanting to learn,

George Wright

[George Wright]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

Hi George.... Anyway... that's my two cents. Hope you found it useful.
-Dan

My answer to Dan's quote above goes to everyone who has answered my questions in this thread. YES, I've found your help very useful.

I've always considered this copy writing forum to be an unsung treasure. I don't come here nearly enough and as I've proclaimed in the past and not done "I'm going to hang out here a lot." This time I really mean it. (See, I'm here )

As far as the sales letter in question goes, except for the cover girl/guy statement and the featured on TV implications I thought it was no better or worse than most others. (Sales letters that is) Of course I know it's not outstanding, however, I felt it would "do the job."

You all have certainly fine tuned my perception of that sales letter, adding another level of understanding to my copy mental swipe file.

Thanks all,

George Wright P.S. Don't stop now, any other comments on the letter in question would be greatly appreciated.

[Daniel Scott]

Hi George,

Here's something I find helps me.

When you read the letter... you have to be two people.

The copywriting analyst... and the "ideal prospect".

So not only do you have to critique the technical parts of the letter... eg. "Does that headline flow smoothly? Is there a way to give it more emotional impact"...

...you've also gotta think "What's going through my perfect customer's head the second she hits my page? What about after reading the headline? The subhead? Does this sentence pull her in or turn her away?" Etc, etc...

So in this niche... the target prospect has seen it all before. She ain't new to diets... and unless you can rope her in with a specific, powerful benefit... she's gone.

Part of this is knowing the market... part of it is intuition... and part of it is experience with copywriting IMHO.

Generally, to "do the job" it needs to mirror that prospect's conversation... and answer her objections.

Do that and you'll make sales. Do it in a more powerful way and you'll make more sales.

Kind regards,

-Dan

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by xbokcom

Do anybody know the conversion of this ebook? I think a person look at the gravity in clickbank to see it. Am I right?

There's no correlation between gravity and conversion-rate, and (contrary to what many people believe) there's no real correlation between gravity and numbers of sales either. But if this one's converting well, I'll eat my writer's hat, my affiliate marketer's hat and work my way round the hat-rack dining lavishly, too.

The surprising thing, perhaps, is that they went to the trouble of putting up an "affiliate page" with banners, earnings claims and stuff. (They didn't go to the trouble of spell-checking it, though).

[marynorth21]

Honestly this thread makes me laugh. You made my day.