My Sales Copy Sucks More Than A Vacuum Cleaner!!! - HELP PLEASE!!

Clean out the distracting background. Replace with some solid, and preferably, soothing color.

Get rid of the yellow highlighting. It's doing nothing for you here.

Your headline is lame, and your big promise is buried at the bottom here:

"...get 30 fresh (original) articles sent to you every single month?
less than 60 cents an article"

Your body copy jumps all over the place. Your headline talks about "fool-proof marketing", then your first sentence has no connection with the headline - begins by talking about cold-calling and such. The whole letter is like that: you jump from point to point with no real connection between them.

The headline needs to do more than simply attract attention. It should also be relevant to the offer contained within the body of the copy. Your offer here boils down to "Original, well-written articles for only 60 cents per article". Not a killer offer. Which we'll address further down...

In your letter, one point should to lead to the other.

So, for example: You finish a paragraph talking about how great it is that there are all these free article sites to market on.

Then your next paragraph leads with how these sites have a huuge drawback: they're cluttered with crap articles. But you, Mr. Buyer, can be sure your articles won't sink into the quicksand of crap. Because your articles will be stuff that people want to read and repost.

Positioning needs some work, as well. "Cheap copy" is everywhere. Everyone says they deliver "well-written, original articles". So, you've got to tighten your schtick.

I notice that there's two writers. You can turn that into a USP "Two writers for the price of One" kinda thing. Talk about how you work together to deliver killer articles that stand out from the usual sludge found on article sites. Talk about what a difference it makes to the quality of your product, and the speed of your delivery to have two writers working on a project. Or the benefits of having a second, fresh set of eyes go over the drafts before they're sent out.

Ponder on it some, and come up with all the benefits of having a two-man writing team. For example:

- If you're a husband and wife team - build a story around why you're writing together. And how that benefits the buyer.

- If you're doing this fulltime, talk about how you, too, are entrepreneurs, and so you understand their marketing pain.

- If one of you worked in one industry and the other in another, you can cover a broad spectrum of subjects.

Etc.

I'm assuming you have no testimonials. If you do, post them. If you don't, run a WSO and get them.

Until then, give me some street creds. B.A. in Creative Writing? Corporate accountant who realized that her talents lay on the right side of
her brain instead of her left?

Gotta be a reason why you thought you'd make good article writers in the first place. Gimmie the story if you don't have testimonials.

I'd dump the "Bonus" labels and position them as a "value-added service" that you provide to your customers. A "your success is our success so we go the extra mile" deal.

Change the color of your order button to red or orange.

Asking them how much they'd pay for your articles is rhetorical since the buyer has no idea whether the quality is as good as you claim. So make your comparison using membership prices for PLR article sites. You'll find that those prices are mostly lower than the range you quoted.

I'd ditch the comparison and just tell 'em it's a killer deal.

Then remind them of the salient facts:

- 2 writers for the price of 1
- 2 heads to come up with great headlines and content
- 2 pairs of eyes to check for copy errors and typos
- 2 pairs of hands typing away to deliver faster
- Fellow online entrepreneurs who understand the buyer's marketing frustrations
- Exclusive "Success Kit" that only your customers get

and so on.

(I just whipped up that list on the fly. Just imagine what you could come up with after a little brainstorming!)

And then remind them of what an incredible value they're going to get for just 60 cents an article.

Do NOT suggest that they're not ready to order so you're going to give them something for being too cheap to cough up .60 an article. Make your giveaway an incentive for joining your newsletter/special offer list. No free sample articles. Either let them see sample portfolio work right from the page, or make them ask for samples.

Deliver your offer with more confidence. This letter makes you sound like YOU don't believe you really offer solid value.

Make this a limited time offer, and give them a reason why. You're just starting out; you're making a name for yourself; you're saving for a downpayment on your new house or your postponed honeymoon to Tahiti. Whatever.

But DON'T base your offer on price. Price makes you a commodity. It turns you into "bargain basement discount store".

Worse, price is not a defensible marketing strategy. There's always going to be someone who can underprice you. Always. If not today, then tomorrow.

You've been given some good advice so far. I'm going to touch on a few other things.

Where's your story? Who are you and why should I buy this from you? Some people may think you don't need a story or usp selling PLR articles. Damn right you do.

Your copy is boring and you haven't convinced me of anything. Your P.S. is weak and it should be reinforcing what your big benefit is for people that scan down to the bottom of the page.

Why should your prospect buy this from you right now? Take your 2 free tutorials... offer them for a limited time... have them available to the first 25 people... everybody else is going to miss out.

Take care,

Bill Jeffels

thanks, you've already given me a LOT to think about. I look forward to hearing more from anyone else who wants to chime in.

I do believe that Alexa is right in that many network marketers have no idea how to use article marketing so I need to work on that right away!