17 yr Old 15k Month Ebay AD COPY

[jubril58]

I would love to hear your input on AD COPY

What would you
Rate this page 1-10 for ad-copy

1 sucks and 10 I would make a million dollars with this ad copy

Item #180402772884 on ebay

[travlinguy]

There are many grammatical issues that make this copy very difficult to read. When a reader has to stop and try to determine what the writer means, well, that eventually leads to the reader becoming discouraged and clicking away. I’m not saying the writer should try and be someone else - be yourself but clean it up.

I also felt that there are too many pics. I think it's okay to show pics that illustrate success but, in my opinion these are very close to being self-indulgent. Overall, I'd give the piece a 3.

[l23bc]

tavling guy has hit the nail on the head and in all fairness without any bashing you reallly need to spend time on the grammar to the ad copy i was lost for over 20 mins trying to read and catch on to what it actully said

[Hugh Thyer]

I struggled with it too. I couldnt work out what you were selling, what your system was and it was really light on for proof.

Too many irrelevant photos and they took ages to load too.

Think 'connection' and 'relevance' in your sales copy. Good on your for having a go though. I'm sure you'll get there.

[Alexa Smith]

I'm sorry, but it's absolutely unreadable.

I'd suggest that in order for people to read it, you need to lose at least 90% of the photos and start by having the text read over and the grammar changed by a writer - it wouldn't necessarily be a hugely time-consuming job for someone to do that. And then at least you'd have something which people could read, so that they can perhaps make suggestions to you about editing/improving it. As it is, that's not really going to to happen. Sorry.

(I suspect, also, that "you have to buy it to find out what it is" isn't an approach that's going to produce any sales worth talking about, but this is a different point altogether).

[secretjustin]

After the first minute I stopped reading and just looked at the pictures. Looks like you captured some good times!

[mark z]

Yes, grammar errors could be significant issue here.

Also, I would like to have name of the product and title on the box absolutely same. Furthermore, first letters in tittle words should be capital letters.
Footer of book cover seems kind of empty, so it might be useful to put some smooth image or interesting background overlay.
You could also emphasize features from "Ebay guide" box here (shown currently between photos with Steph and mom), too.

Of course, those are just suggestions.

Basically, topic is interesting and has potential.
With little tuning up, hopefully you`ll have luck in promoting it.

Current overall rating: 4

[jubril58]

Thank you guys very much Feedback is MUCH appreciated



What were your thought on the Video ?

[jubril58]

Here some of my Numbers

from Last auction that put up
sold 122
and converted to $25 sales at 4%
within 3 month span.

I am going to apply your suggestions. I would appreciate more feedback also. I see the photos may be too much, and also grammar errors, and not very easy to navigate.

[JayInOrlando]

For someone who's make so much on Ebay, I'm surprised your having to ask us how to improve this page. I would expect a much higher quality page from a guru.

Jay

[blackjack]

Agree with Jay.

If jubril58 is so called "GURU" then why he is asking for review of your Ad Copy.

[travlinguy]

I wouldn't necessarily doubt the sales numbers. The sloppy copy and excessive pictures appeals to a certain demographic. For lack of a better term I call them the Skateboard Generation.

My take on these folks is that they don't care much about grammar or conventional wisdom as long as the message is clear. The appeal here is the lure of easy money. And the poor grammar might even hold a certain "If this sloppy grammar guy can do it..." appeal as well. Chances are that many of them would be in the same ballpark when it comes to writing.

Skateboarders are often people who will download pirated software from a warez site and try to get as much stuff on or offline as they possibly can for free. Another thing about them is that they want things fast.

And regardless of how good or bad the information is, I'd bet there is a high return rate for this info because returning stuff (after burning a copy) for a refund (getting it free) is very common to such buyers. I realize I'm painting some folks with a broad brush so I offer my apologies to skateboarders who are not ripoff artists.

[JayInOrlando]

I don't know, if skateboards are often people who will download pirated software, I'm sure they would also be the type to search for ways to get your ebook for free. I don't think the conversions would be to great on a product like this.

Now, targeting a stay at home mom, or a recently laid off mom or dad, with a product that shows them how to make ends meet in hard times, selling collectibles on Ebay. That! I would think should convert well.

[jubril58]

Originally Posted by travlinguy

And regardless of how good or bad the information is, I'd bet there is a high return rate for this info because returning stuff (after burning a copy) for a refund (getting it free) is very common to such buyers. I realize I'm painting some folks with a broad brush so I offer my apologies to skateboarders who are not ripoff artists.

Your bet was wrong 3 Returns out the 122.

I don't Know exact demographic buyers since I don't deal with them directly, but from ones that reach out via facebook, twitter etc are quite a broad range.

and Jayinorlando

"For someone who's make so much on Ebay, I'm surprised your having to ask us how to improve this page. I would expect a much higher quality page from a guru"

I didnt make my money for selling my info guide. I made my money by selling certain products that had nothing to do with how well I could a ebook course ad copy.

Its strictly a product, Its a lot easier to write a description for a IPOD vs ebook guide.

NEVER said I was expert on Adcopy. I just show People HOW I MADE money on ebay.

I am just looking for feedback, if don't want to contribute positivitly please save comments.

[blackjack]

Originally Posted by jubril58

I would love to hear your input on AD COPY

Now people are giving you input but you only want positive comments. If it was me then I would pay more attention to negative comments because those are the ones you need to concentrate on to improve more than positive.

I scanned it again and I think you need to cut down on pictures a bit, add more benefits. May be add couple screen prints from Paypal etc.

You show lots of pictures of you but what's for buyer. Get buyer's emotions invovled. "what's in it for me"?.

BTW do you reveal what products do you sell in your ebook?

Thanks

[jubril58]

blackjacks If your read what I put I said thank you for comments for people that left FEEDBACK, not negative smartass comments. LIKE "your the guru why should you ask"

Good advice people left was Grammar, Less pictures, Better story, better flowing ad copy.
I Made video of paypal "did you watch it' because screenshots can easily be photoshopped etc

That is decent advice also maybe I will add screenshoots.

Yes I do reveal what I sold.

[travlinguy]

You come here, ask for feedback, and many people graciously give it to you. You reply that you have excellent sales stats with only three returns out of 122 sales. It seems to me that your copy is doing rather well the way it is.

But now that I read your responses I think you actually came here to promote your auction to the Internet Marketing crowd. Whatever you might be up to, it doesn't seem to add up. Good luck to you just the same.

[blackjack]

Hi jubril58

On another thought, may be this is great copy for your products because you are making good sales. As someone else wrote that your copy makes buyer beleive that you are normal person ( i.e. not guru to rip off people)

Please keep up posted with changes you make, the impact of these changes. May be do one change at a time.

Thanks

[jubril58]

Originally Posted by blackjack

Hi jubril58

On another thought, may be this is great copy for your products because you are making good sales. As someone else wrote that your copy makes buyer beleive that you are normal person ( i.e. not guru to rip off people)

Please keep up posted with changes you make, the impact of these changes. May be do one change at a time.

Thanks

Thanks updated feedback, I am going to edit grammar and few others things less pictures maybe 2 or 3 just more detailed info.

Travelingguy

"You come here, ask for feedback, and many people graciously give it to you. You reply that you have excellent sales stats with only three returns out of 122 sales. It seems to me that your copy is doing rather well the way it is".

122 in 3 month span is not that good. I aim to get atleast 10 a day with 10% conversion.

Atleast 1 out 10 with improved copy. Thats why came for advice and see what people are seeing that I am not seeing.

The reason I say that is because I do market online, and not my own copy and converts 8% to $47 first level sale. So I figure much room for improvement.

I do market on google adwords all day along, but not with my own written copy.

I APPREciate all feedback, and when it helpful negitive or postive.

I THANK all you for good feedback. In a month or so with new numbers. I am going to do new copy next week. So any new feedback from now until then feel free to add if you reading now.

[Palomino]

Originally Posted by TomM1234

What page are you referring to, I do not see a link or anything listed.

He provided the eBay auction number in the first post. Simply copy the auction number, go to eBay, and paste it into the search.

[Palomino]

Originally Posted by jubril58

I would love to hear your input on AD COPY

What would you
Rate this page 1-10 for ad-copy

1 sucks and 10 I would make a million dollars with this ad copy

Item #180402772884 on ebay

I would give this copy a 4. It's very sloppily written, with grammatical errors all over the place, and the graphical elements, such as the guarantee seal, seem out of place. I would suggest having a proper squeeze page developed, as it seems like integrating full HTML into eBay is something that's possible (based on the items on this page, plus numerous car listings, etc).

here is a squeeze page of mine, check it out: Video Marketing Message- Discover How To Drive Massive Video Traffic To Your Site And Convert It!

While it's not perfect, it does have a few graphics, and the overall page carries a very cohesive theme. I think this would work on eBay as well.

I think the story is great; I absolutely love the "from foodstamps to first class at 17". It reminds me of some of my buddies featured as young entrepreneurs at Yanik's Underground; people really latch onto those stories. In fact, if I were you, I'd see if I could get some press releases out about it, so that then you could add those "Featured on CBS, ABC, Fox, etc" logos to the page, and maybe a picture of the paper/site that you were featured in. I did a press release for a local company that was picked up by Fox, CNN, and Forbes, so you can definitely capitalize on that. It adds some legitimacy.

I would keep the pictures of the Caribbean resort, the picture of the Southe Point hotel, and a couple of the air lines pics. Those convey a sense of success and freedom, and really corroborate your story about traveling. The picture of the Camaro is distracting because the story references a Jimmy, yet there's no pic.

The rest of the pics, I would get rid of to help the load times.

The video was ok, but it stuttered a bit for me and the sound quality was not great. At least it addressed the primary question: why is the auction not on your personal profile.

Have you considered a promo video? There's a Warrior selling them in packs of 10 for $97, and the quality is great! It would definitely be a cool additional thing to substitute for your video that would quickly explain the benefits of your product.

And I think I'm done here. :-)

[Palomino]

haha, I used a TinyURL so that it wouldn't look like shameless self promotion, but I guess that's how Tiny does it now??