E-commerce headline/intro critique?

[LLInnovate]

Hi Warrior Copywriters,

My name is Drew and was wondering what you think about what I wrote for the short headline "Are your prepared..." and the following paragraph "The big one is coming..." for my site ProtectOneself.com.

It is hard for me because I sell close to 100 products both in the preparedness and protection field, two different niches.

I'm wondering if what I have written does anything for you.

My objective, with what I have written, is to instill fear and make you think that you need to buy my products or else, sort of speak.

Does it make you want to explore my site and think that maybe it is time to protect and prepare yourself and family?

Or better yet, do I even need the headline/paragraph because it is an e-commerce site compared to a one page/product sales page?

I ask that question because I know I can target my advertising i.e place an ad for a survival kit or a personal alarm or something else and direct it to that product page instead of a generic ad directed to my home page.

I do not know, but really do appreciate your opinion on what you think.

Thank you for your time, It is really appreciated!

Drew

[Jack Bastide]

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The Big One Is Coming! Wether it is another Earthquake, Hurricane, Un-Contolled Fire, Flood,
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Don't want to be the Spelling police but you have a couple of misspellings

Wether should be Whether
Un-Contolled = Uncontrolled

Jack

[Mark McClure]

Drew,

The "instill fear, or else" bit you mentioned in your post seems to be missing from the home page... all I see are the product listings and a message to login or register.

Even living here in the land of quakes, a lot of people I know don't even think of updating their preps until a "big one" is reported in the news... after which some will go and buy emerg stuff but then it's back to their lives and all is forgotten for the time being...

Real-time example:
As I'm typing this, a big typhoon is crawling up Japan's Pacific coast towards Tokyo and has probably already washed away most of K. Riley's hamsters down in Osaka ;-)

And you can bet that when the storm blows by Thurs, there'll be an increase in folks buying emerg stuff... especially anything to do with flooding.

Same thing with H1N1... main TV news runs a couple of program showing schools closing and how to cough into your shirt sleeve to zap the virus etc etc.
Guess what?
The very next day little old ladies are out buying up surgical masks and gloves as if a germ warfare attack is coming.
I've a contact who works in a big store here that sells this gear on a specific floor, and as soon as the news story has broken they move all this stock to the front of the floor, near the escalators. Footfall increases and they quickly sell out for a day or two.

Maybe you can do the digital equivalent using an email list? Broadcast the "here's what you need" messages after a big one has been in the news (e.g. recent Samoan earthquake or the fires in SoCal over the summer etc.) and drive those interested to specific pages on your ecommerce site.

Bottom line - have an email sign up box prominent on the home page. Check with others who have real ecommerce site experience if that's worth doing. As a copywriter, seems a way to leverage the wide range of "big ones" your site covers.
Twitter may be worth testing too

Good luck with it.

[LLInnovate]

Thanks Jack. I fixed the errors.

Mark, I agree with what you are saying. A lot of people do not think about preparing for an emergency or disaster until it's about to happen or has already happened. And you are right; that is when I need to bump up my advertising. I am working on setting up an email opt-in, twitter account etc.

I appreciate it,

Drew