Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated

Irmscher · 10-08-2009, 02:28 PM

Hi there

Obviously I'm not a professional copywriter

However I prefer to write sales copy for my products myself.

Because nobody knows your product better than you

I've got one sale copy I'd like you to have a look at, guys

I'm pretty sure this copy is not too bad and the conversion rate was around 2%.

But it's far from being perfect and I will be glad to hear some critique from you fellow warriors.

Here is the sales copy: SEO Services

Thanks a lot in advance

PS. I hope this thread will not be flagged as a hidden promotion, I've been a member of WF for quite a long time and have got a good reputation here.

travlinguy · 10-08-2009, 02:54 PM

Okay, I'll get it started. First, you need to proof your copy really well. The pre-header reads:

"Why paying for expensive SEO services..." I think you want it to say: "Why pay for expensive SEO services..."

Then you have several of these little goodies known as the elliosis: "know how...time varies" "for ridiculously small one time fee and...enjoy tons"

Take a look at the paragraph above and notice how I've used the ellipsis: (...)

Its proper use is to indicate that there is more text that hasn't been included in the quote. However, many marketers load up their copy with these things for God knows what reason.

In your case it creates an unnecessary pause and slows the reader down. Quit trying to be cute and use a period or comma. I'll let someone else take it from here. Good Luck!

David Babineau · 10-12-2009, 09:34 PM

Hi there,

Just a few notes:

- I find the whole page difficult to read with the black background, white text.

- Regarding what travlinguy said, if you're going to use ellipses, at least use a space after (e.g. know how... time varies)

- Headline
*Capitalize every letter
*Make color more readable
*""to the #1 of Google and Yahoo" --> Doesn't sound right. Maybe "...To The #1 Spot In Google And Yahoo..."
*Websites --> do you want to assume they have more than one?

- The whole readable area is not centered making it distractive

- The screenshots aren't easily readable -- allow for them to be enlarged?

Hope this helps,

David

MrMatts · 10-12-2009, 11:26 PM

Well I can´t say too much about the sales copy. But you are trying to sell a very high-tech product with a to me a low-tech layout on the page on top of that your contact email is a Google email address not yoursitedot.com. If your product is so good why don´t you have an email contact address with your domain name, I think that looses a lot of credibility. I also think most of your customer base is going to be semi skilled computer users, and that makes these sort of things more important. If you are trying to sell a low-tech product I think your layout design is not that important, but in this case I think it’s important to gain credibility with the customer.

Just my 2cent sorry I’m not trying to be negative just give some straightforward constructive critique. And sorry that this critique was not too much about sales copy.

Ashley Wright · 10-13-2009, 04:31 AM

Personally The colours are all wrong but that can easily be amended you want to make it look as easy as possible to read. Personally I agree with MrMatts if I was ready to buy and had a query and see a gmail account, I would think hmm, this guy aint to professional so why is his product going to be? On a positive note I do like how you have added the Forum Link so people can see feedback from you product.

10-08-2009, 02:28 PM	#1
Irmscher Rude Nuts Man War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Rude Nuts Man's Mansion Posts: 364 Thanks: 19 Thanked 390 Times in 36 Posts Social Networking	Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated Hi there Obviously I'm not a professional copywriter However I prefer to write sales copy for my products myself. Because nobody knows your product better than you I've got one sale copy I'd like you to have a look at, guys I'm pretty sure this copy is not too bad and the conversion rate was around 2%. But it's far from being perfect and I will be glad to hear some critique from you fellow warriors. Here is the sales copy: SEO Services Thanks a lot in advance PS. I hope this thread will not be flagged as a hidden promotion, I've been a member of WF for quite a long time and have got a good reputation here.
	Stuck in Google page 2+ ...? This WSO Guarantees You Break Onto the Coveted Page #1!

10-08-2009, 02:54 PM	#2
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,427 Thanks: 967 Thanked 1,227 Times in 732 Posts Contact Info	Re: Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated Okay, I'll get it started. First, you need to proof your copy really well. The pre-header reads: "Why paying for expensive SEO services..." I think you want it to say: "Why pay for expensive SEO services..." Then you have several of these little goodies known as the elliosis: "know how...time varies" "for ridiculously small one time fee and...enjoy tons" Take a look at the paragraph above and notice how I've used the ellipsis: (...) Its proper use is to indicate that there is more text that hasn't been included in the quote. However, many marketers load up their copy with these things for God knows what reason. In your case it creates an unnecessary pause and slows the reader down. Quit trying to be cute and use a period or comma. I'll let someone else take it from here. Good Luck!
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| Screamin' Deal On PLR MRR Graphics

10-12-2009, 09:34 PM	#3
David Babineau Writer War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Moncton, New Brunswick (Canada) Posts: 129 Thanks: 74 Thanked 49 Times in 36 Posts Social Networking	Re: Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated Hi there, Just a few notes: - I find the whole page difficult to read with the black background, white text. - Regarding what travlinguy said, if you're going to use ellipses, at least use a space after (e.g. know how... time varies) - Headline Capitalize every letter Make color more readable ""to the #1 of Google and Yahoo" --> Doesn't sound right. Maybe "...To The #1 Spot In Google And Yahoo..." Websites --> do you want to assume they have more than one? - The whole readable area is not centered making it distractive - The screenshots aren't easily readable -- allow for them to be enlarged? Hope this helps, David
	Last edited by David Babineau; 10-12-2009 at 09:39 PM. Reason: hit enter before I finished post...

10-12-2009, 11:26 PM	#4
MrMatts Warrior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 21 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated Well I can´t say too much about the sales copy. But you are trying to sell a very high-tech product with a to me a low-tech layout on the page on top of that your contact email is a Google email address not yoursitedot.com. If your product is so good why don´t you have an email contact address with your domain name, I think that looses a lot of credibility. I also think most of your customer base is going to be semi skilled computer users, and that makes these sort of things more important. If you are trying to sell a low-tech product I think your layout design is not that important, but in this case I think it’s important to gain credibility with the customer. Just my 2cent sorry I’m not trying to be negative just give some straightforward constructive critique. And sorry that this critique was not too much about sales copy.

10-13-2009, 04:31 AM	#5
Ashley Wright The List Buildin Assassin War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: UK Posts: 616 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 15 Thanked 119 Times in 49 Posts Social Networking	Re: Please rate my sales copy, critique appreciated Personally The colours are all wrong but that can easily be amended you want to make it look as easy as possible to read. Personally I agree with MrMatts if I was ready to buy and had a query and see a gmail account, I would think hmm, this guy aint to professional so why is his product going to be? On a positive note I do like how you have added the Forum Link so people can see feedback from you product.
	What is your time worth?