I'm No Copywriter But...

Steve Tuggle · 10-10-2009, 04:40 PM

I'm willing to learn.

I've deleted my request for input.
Thanks for those who actually gave copywriting input.

Justin Mandel · 10-10-2009, 08:07 PM

Steve I see that you tried really hard with this, but there's a plethora of problems going on including IMO how the product is positioned and what you are offering readers.

I have a feeling that your readers could care less about the following information and they JUST want to learn how to relax:

Quote:

What is a root canal?
Will my root canal hurt?
Should my tooth hurt after my root canal?
What can I do to prevent root canals?
Is a dead tooth worth saving?
Why do root canals cost so much?

Best of Luck!

Alex Cohen · 10-10-2009, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Tuggle

I'm willing to learn.

If you visit my page, Relaxed Root Canal ebook - The Relaxed Root Canal To Conquer Worry you will see what I do for a living. You will also see that I'm very inexperienced at writing copy.

So, would some of you experienced copywriters be willing to critique my page and share a nugget or two that I might implement on this page?

It would be greatly appreciated. Here's the site again: Relaxed Root Canal ebook - The Relaxed Root Canal To Conquer Worry.

Thanks so much,
Steve

btw this page is different than the one in my sig

Steve,

The question that you say must be answered "yes" is intriguing. It generates curiosity. I suggest that you use it as a hook in your headline.

Headlines that contain both a benefit and curiosity do well.

Here's a very good article that talks more about it ...

http://www.marketingbullets.com/bullet23.htm

Alex

Daniel Scott · 10-10-2009, 10:43 PM

You copy's pretty bad.. I suggest reading books that are recommended in the sticky in the copywriting forum.

As it is... there is so much wrong with this page that I don't think a critique will help you.

Before you go into all thta effort though... are you sure there's a market for this product?

Maybe if you positioned it as "The Secrets to Selecting a Good Root Canal Dentist" or something it kinda might work... but I wonder how many people are willing to pay money for a book about learning to relax during a root canal?

At the moment there is nothing that makes me think I should buy your book as opposed to doing a Google search.

-Dan

SellDGuide · 10-11-2009, 03:21 AM

Hello,

You have focused too much on "Keyword Density". Repitition of the keyword "Root Canal" is making the copy unattractive. Just sprinkle the keyword strategically throughout the copy. Later, with proper off page optimization you will be able to rank high.

You need to focus mainly on benefits. You may want to describe what powerful information each chapter contains and how it will benefit the reader.

Regards.

The Copy Nazi · 10-11-2009, 03:55 AM

Doctor, I don't mind your page at all. Pretty good job for a dentist. But I do have a problem with your basic premise of "The Relaxed Root Canal" and "Make Your Root Canal Like a Day on the Beach". Nothing will ever convince me that root canal therapy is relaxing or like a day at the beach. I've had the procedure several times and whilst it wasn't painful there is certainly a lot of anxiety attached to it. There's nothing remotedly "relaxed" about it. Its high anxiety. So I think you're off target there. "Completely Painless Root Canal" would be more believable.

As for the copy...you need to add more. You must have a million stories you can draw on. You start out with a yarn and then it goes nowhere. Expand on it. And add other stories.

My advice to you Doctor is to hire a professional copywriter. You're selling yourself short trying to do it yourself. The ebook is a GREAT idea - but not the title. And I find these bullets HIGHLY interesting.

What is a root canal?
Will my root canal hurt?
Should my tooth hurt after my root canal?
What can I do to prevent root canals?
Is a dead tooth worth saving?
Why do root canals cost so much?
How can I receive the highest quality root canal?

I want to read more. But you're not ringing my bells.

I'd love to get my teeth into this gig. ;-) One root canal would pay my fees probably.

Scott Murdaugh · 10-11-2009, 05:13 PM

I agree with Paul...

There's not really a market for this, imho.

Never had a root canal, but if I did I'd trust my dentist to council me, make sure I'm comfortable and give me lots of drugs to make it through.

I pay him for his professional opinion, and I trust him MUCH more than an anonymous source on the internet.

-Scott

10-10-2009, 04:40 PM	#1
Steve Tuggle HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: , , USA. Posts: 106 Thanks: 17 Thanked 27 Times in 13 Posts	I'm No Copywriter But... I'm willing to learn. I've deleted my request for input. Thanks for those who actually gave copywriting input.
	Last edited by Steve Tuggle; 10-11-2009 at 05:24 PM. Reason: Off-topic

10-10-2009, 10:43 PM	#4
Daniel Scott The Cake Is A Lie War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Mackay, QLD, Australia Posts: 2,165 Thanks: 291 Thanked 641 Times in 370 Posts Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... You copy's pretty bad.. I suggest reading books that are recommended in the sticky in the copywriting forum. As it is... there is so much wrong with this page that I don't think a critique will help you. Before you go into all thta effort though... are you sure there's a market for this product? Maybe if you positioned it as "The Secrets to Selecting a Good Root Canal Dentist" or something it kinda might work... but I wonder how many people are willing to pay money for a book about learning to relax during a root canal? At the moment there is nothing that makes me think I should buy your book as opposed to doing a Google search. -Dan
	Do You Want YOUR Next Launch to Pull in $164 249.59 of PURE PROFIT in just one week? Click here to discover how I can make it happen...

10-11-2009, 03:21 AM	#5
SellDGuide Warrior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 22 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... Hello, You have focused too much on "Keyword Density". Repitition of the keyword "Root Canal" is making the copy unattractive. Just sprinkle the keyword strategically throughout the copy. Later, with proper off page optimization you will be able to rank high. You need to focus mainly on benefits. You may want to describe what powerful information each chapter contains and how it will benefit the reader. Regards.
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10-11-2009, 03:55 AM	#6
The Copy Nazi Mal Lambe War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Bunker, Paris Posts: 2,290 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 705 Thanked 1,253 Times in 600 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... Doctor, I don't mind your page at all. Pretty good job for a dentist. But I do have a problem with your basic premise of "The Relaxed Root Canal" and "Make Your Root Canal Like a Day on the Beach". Nothing will ever convince me that root canal therapy is relaxing or like a day at the beach. I've had the procedure several times and whilst it wasn't painful there is certainly a lot of anxiety attached to it. There's nothing remotedly "relaxed" about it. Its high anxiety. So I think you're off target there. "Completely Painless Root Canal" would be more believable. As for the copy...you need to add more. You must have a million stories you can draw on. You start out with a yarn and then it goes nowhere. Expand on it. And add other stories. My advice to you Doctor is to hire a professional copywriter. You're selling yourself short trying to do it yourself. The ebook is a GREAT idea - but not the title. And I find these bullets HIGHLY interesting. What is a root canal? Will my root canal hurt? Should my tooth hurt after my root canal? What can I do to prevent root canals? Is a dead tooth worth saving? Why do root canals cost so much? How can I receive the highest quality root canal? I want to read more. But you're not ringing my bells. I'd love to get my teeth into this gig. ;-) One root canal would pay my fees probably.
	"By offending nobody, you impassion nobody" - Gary Halbert

10-11-2009, 05:13 PM	#7
Scott Murdaugh ResultsCopywriting.com War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: San Diego, Ca Posts: 909 Thanks: 265 Thanked 573 Times in 210 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... I agree with Paul... There's not really a market for this, imho. Never had a root canal, but if I did I'd trust my dentist to council me, make sure I'm comfortable and give me lots of drugs to make it through. I pay him for his professional opinion, and I trust him MUCH more than an anonymous source on the internet. -Scott
	How To (Ethically) "Exploit" Rich Offline Business Owners For Fun And Profit... How I Consistently Produce Double-Digit Conversion Rates For My Copywriting Clients...