I'm No Copywriter But...

Steve Tuggle · 10-10-2009, 04:40 PM

I'm willing to learn.

I've deleted my request for input.
Thanks for those who actually gave copywriting input.

Justin Mandel · 10-10-2009, 08:07 PM

Steve I see that you tried really hard with this, but there's a plethora of problems going on including IMO how the product is positioned and what you are offering readers.

I have a feeling that your readers could care less about the following information and they JUST want to learn how to relax:

Quote:

What is a root canal?
Will my root canal hurt?
Should my tooth hurt after my root canal?
What can I do to prevent root canals?
Is a dead tooth worth saving?
Why do root canals cost so much?

Best of Luck!

Alex Cohen · 10-10-2009, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Tuggle

I'm willing to learn.

If you visit my page, Relaxed Root Canal ebook - The Relaxed Root Canal To Conquer Worry you will see what I do for a living. You will also see that I'm very inexperienced at writing copy.

So, would some of you experienced copywriters be willing to critique my page and share a nugget or two that I might implement on this page?

It would be greatly appreciated. Here's the site again: Relaxed Root Canal ebook - The Relaxed Root Canal To Conquer Worry.

Thanks so much,
Steve

btw this page is different than the one in my sig

Steve,

The question that you say must be answered "yes" is intriguing. It generates curiosity. I suggest that you use it as a hook in your headline.

Headlines that contain both a benefit and curiosity do well.

Here's a very good article that talks more about it ...

http://www.marketingbullets.com/bullet23.htm

Alex

Daniel Scott · 10-10-2009, 10:43 PM

You copy's pretty bad.. I suggest reading books that are recommended in the sticky in the copywriting forum.

As it is... there is so much wrong with this page that I don't think a critique will help you.

Before you go into all thta effort though... are you sure there's a market for this product?

Maybe if you positioned it as "The Secrets to Selecting a Good Root Canal Dentist" or something it kinda might work... but I wonder how many people are willing to pay money for a book about learning to relax during a root canal?

At the moment there is nothing that makes me think I should buy your book as opposed to doing a Google search.

-Dan

SellDGuide · 10-11-2009, 03:21 AM

Hello,

You have focused too much on "Keyword Density". Repitition of the keyword "Root Canal" is making the copy unattractive. Just sprinkle the keyword strategically throughout the copy. Later, with proper off page optimization you will be able to rank high.

You need to focus mainly on benefits. You may want to describe what powerful information each chapter contains and how it will benefit the reader.

Regards.

Metronicity · 10-11-2009, 03:55 AM

Doctor, I don't mind your page at all. Pretty good job for a dentist. But I do have a problem with your basic premise of "The Relaxed Root Canal" and "Make Your Root Canal Like a Day on the Beach". Nothing will ever convince me that root canal therapy is relaxing or like a day at the beach. I've had the procedure several times and whilst it wasn't painful there is certainly a lot of anxiety attached to it. There's nothing remotedly "relaxed" about it. Its high anxiety. So I think you're off target there. "Completely Painless Root Canal" would be more believable.

As for the copy...you need to add more. You must have a million stories you can draw on. You start out with a yarn and then it goes nowhere. Expand on it. And add other stories.

My advice to you Doctor is to hire a professional copywriter. You're selling yourself short trying to do it yourself. The ebook is a GREAT idea - but not the title. And I find these bullets HIGHLY interesting.

What is a root canal?
Will my root canal hurt?
Should my tooth hurt after my root canal?
What can I do to prevent root canals?
Is a dead tooth worth saving?
Why do root canals cost so much?
How can I receive the highest quality root canal?

I want to read more. But you're not ringing my bells.

I'd love to get my teeth into this gig. ;-) One root canal would pay my fees probably.

Paul McQuillan · 10-11-2009, 08:13 AM

I don't see a buying market for this, but I do see it as a good freebie.

Most of us have a good idea of what a root canal is. Most of us know
someone who has had one. That and the fact I could Google answers
in 2 seconds from real people who have been through it...

Because I have heard that a root canal sucks a bazillion times, I am
afraid of them. I would like to know what would happen if I choose not
to get one. What are the dangers?

I don't see any reason why anyone would pay for this. I guess if I
went to my Dentist and he said it needed to be done, why would I go
look for a book on it?

Scott Murdaugh · 10-11-2009, 05:13 PM

I agree with Paul...

There's not really a market for this, imho.

Never had a root canal, but if I did I'd trust my dentist to council me, make sure I'm comfortable and give me lots of drugs to make it through.

I pay him for his professional opinion, and I trust him MUCH more than an anonymous source on the internet.

-Scott

10-10-2009, 04:40 PM	#1
Steve Tuggle Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: , , USA. Posts: 77 Thanks: 9 Thanked 18 Times in 4 Posts	I'm No Copywriter But... I'm willing to learn. I've deleted my request for input. Thanks for those who actually gave copywriting input.
	Last edited by Steve Tuggle; 10-11-2009 at 05:24 PM. Reason: Off-topic

10-10-2009, 10:43 PM	#4
Daniel Scott Cash-Producing Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 1,356 Thanks: 134 Thanked 154 Times in 98 Posts Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... You copy's pretty bad.. I suggest reading books that are recommended in the sticky in the copywriting forum. As it is... there is so much wrong with this page that I don't think a critique will help you. Before you go into all thta effort though... are you sure there's a market for this product? Maybe if you positioned it as "The Secrets to Selecting a Good Root Canal Dentist" or something it kinda might work... but I wonder how many people are willing to pay money for a book about learning to relax during a root canal? At the moment there is nothing that makes me think I should buy your book as opposed to doing a Google search. -Dan
	*Turbo-Charge Your Website With Compelling, Cash-Sucking Sales Copy* That Gets Serious Results - http://www.noriskcopy.com**

10-11-2009, 03:21 AM	#5
SellDGuide Warrior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 20 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... Hello, You have focused too much on "Keyword Density". Repitition of the keyword "Root Canal" is making the copy unattractive. Just sprinkle the keyword strategically throughout the copy. Later, with proper off page optimization you will be able to rank high. You need to focus mainly on benefits. You may want to describe what powerful information each chapter contains and how it will benefit the reader. Regards.
	\| how to sell ebooks \| sell downloads \| sell photos \| sell digital downloads \|

10-11-2009, 03:55 AM	#6
Metronicity Whacked-Out Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Paris via Sydney Posts: 653 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 138 Thanked 114 Times in 75 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... Doctor, I don't mind your page at all. Pretty good job for a dentist. But I do have a problem with your basic premise of "The Relaxed Root Canal" and "Make Your Root Canal Like a Day on the Beach". Nothing will ever convince me that root canal therapy is relaxing or like a day at the beach. I've had the procedure several times and whilst it wasn't painful there is certainly a lot of anxiety attached to it. There's nothing remotedly "relaxed" about it. Its high anxiety. So I think you're off target there. "Completely Painless Root Canal" would be more believable. As for the copy...you need to add more. You must have a million stories you can draw on. You start out with a yarn and then it goes nowhere. Expand on it. And add other stories. My advice to you Doctor is to hire a professional copywriter. You're selling yourself short trying to do it yourself. The ebook is a GREAT idea - but not the title. And I find these bullets HIGHLY interesting. What is a root canal? Will my root canal hurt? Should my tooth hurt after my root canal? What can I do to prevent root canals? Is a dead tooth worth saving? Why do root canals cost so much? How can I receive the highest quality root canal? I want to read more. But you're not ringing my bells. I'd love to get my teeth into this gig. ;-) One root canal would pay my fees probably.
	Riding Shotgun with Frank Kern WSO Heard about WPMage? Want some advice on it? I was a beta-tester. PM me Dude.

10-11-2009, 08:13 AM	#7
Paul McQuillan Sales Page Writer War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Minnesota USA Posts: 806 Thanks: 98 Thanked 208 Times in 134 Posts Social Networking	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... I don't see a buying market for this, but I do see it as a good freebie. Most of us have a good idea of what a root canal is. Most of us know someone who has had one. That and the fact I could Google answers in 2 seconds from real people who have been through it... Because I have heard that a root canal sucks a bazillion times, I am afraid of them. I would like to know what would happen if I choose not to get one. What are the dangers? I don't see any reason why anyone would pay for this. I guess if I went to my Dentist and he said it needed to be done, why would I go look for a book on it?
	Paul McQuillan (my fabulous blog) Need a Killer Sales Page?- click here

10-11-2009, 05:13 PM	#8
Scott Murdaugh ResultsCopywriting.com War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Springfield, Mo USA. Posts: 566 Thanks: 92 Thanked 161 Times in 84 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: I'm No Copywriter But... I agree with Paul... There's not really a market for this, imho. Never had a root canal, but if I did I'd trust my dentist to council me, make sure I'm comfortable and give me lots of drugs to make it through. I pay him for his professional opinion, and I trust him MUCH more than an anonymous source on the internet. -Scott
	Sales Copy That Literally Pays For Itself! I've Been Shot... How Much To Fix It? (Are You Worrying About The Wrong Things In Your Marketing?)