First Sales Letter

softstor · 10-17-2009, 11:11 AM

I am offering a service and wanted a sales letter. I just hired a copywriter that I found on the Warrior Forum.

The copywriter suggested to go with a simple clean design and wrote me the content. I then placed the content in a sales letter template that I purchased from a different WSO.

My sales letter page is at Sales Letter and the order form is at Order Form

I would be interested in hearing any comments about the design and content.

Killer Joe · 10-17-2009, 06:35 PM

I'll take a shot at this...

Here's what I'm hoping your service offers based on reading your sales letter:

I create an ad, and you get it posted on 600 ad sites, and when it expires, you do it all again for free. Forever. For $14.95.

*When your listing expires, you’ll get an e-mail giving you the option to renew the ad…which is totally free.*

I can use banner ads, or text ads, or video ads, it doesn't matter.

Also...

Where do I submit my ad? And what do you want me to write in your 'short description' and also your 'long description'?

How are you going to use the title for my website? Does it need to be exactly the same as you see it in the browser?

How do I pay for this service? I clicked on the buy button but I have to give you a lot of personal information before I proceed and that gives me the willy's. I'd like to know what payment processor you are using. I see the credit card logos and the PP logo, but I'm not sure.

I'm not sure about a lot of things after reading your sales letter.

This might be a good time to think about expanding on the information, perhaps adding a few testimonials that the FTC won't freak out over, and perhaps a screenshot of what an ad looks like on one of these websites.

I'm aware you know exactly what your service does, but I sell left handed metric monkey wrenches and all this jargon makes my head spin so I get confused easy.

KJ

Paul McQuillan · 10-17-2009, 06:58 PM

hmm, so I am reviewing a possible friends sales page? gulp

I have an issue with vagueness. "Maximum Backilinks in Minimum
Time".

What is maximum? 20, 200, 20,000, what? Is there a maximum?

To be honest, there are many issues I have with this letter. It is
very short and should be a lot punchier than this (dependent
on what you paid of course).

It is loaded with unnecessary words that draw uneventful sentences
on too long.

I really hope I did not offend anybody I know, but this needs some
work.

Obviously you are having issues with it. It needs more effort or you
need to spend more money.

Hope that helps a little

Paul

10-17-2009, 11:11 AM	#1
softstor HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: , , . Posts: 434 Thanks: 1 Thanked 15 Times in 5 Posts	First Sales Letter - Please Review I am offering a service and wanted a sales letter. I just hired a copywriter that I found on the Warrior Forum. The copywriter suggested to go with a simple clean design and wrote me the content. I then placed the content in a sales letter template that I purchased from a different WSO. My sales letter page is at Sales Letter and the order form is at Order Form I would be interested in hearing any comments about the design and content.
	Free SEO Tools \| Website Scripts \| Article Writing \| Directory Submissions \| Classified Ads Submissions \| Software Products Visit our Web Master Forum and Free Marketplace at http://www.forum.trafficgeek.net

10-17-2009, 06:35 PM	#2
Killer Joe aka Bill Farnham War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Virginia, USA. Posts: 825 Blog Entries: 5 Thanks: 245 Thanked 299 Times in 204 Posts	Re: First Sales Letter - Please Review I'll take a shot at this... Here's what I'm hoping your service offers based on reading your sales letter: I create an ad, and you get it posted on 600 ad sites, and when it expires, you do it all again for free. Forever. For $14.95. When your listing expires, you’ll get an e-mail giving you the option to renew the ad…which is totally free. I can use banner ads, or text ads, or video ads, it doesn't matter. Also... Where do I submit my ad? And what do you want me to write in your 'short description' and also your 'long description'? How are you going to use the title for my website? Does it need to be exactly the same as you see it in the browser? How do I pay for this service? I clicked on the buy button but I have to give you a lot of personal information before I proceed and that gives me the willy's. I'd like to know what payment processor you are using. I see the credit card logos and the PP logo, but I'm not sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things after reading your sales letter. This might be a good time to think about expanding on the information, perhaps adding a few testimonials that the FTC won't freak out over, and perhaps a screenshot of what an ad looks like on one of these websites. I'm aware you know exactly what your service does, but I sell left handed metric monkey wrenches and all this jargon makes my head spin so I get confused easy. KJ
	Visit the lighter side of Internet Marketing on my WF blog. Internet Marketing Satire And Now For Something Completely Different - www.Rapid3DGraphics.com

10-17-2009, 06:58 PM	#3
Paul McQuillan Sales Page Writer War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Minnesota USA Posts: 810 Thanks: 98 Thanked 214 Times in 136 Posts Social Networking	Re: First Sales Letter - Please Review hmm, so I am reviewing a possible friends sales page? gulp I have an issue with vagueness. "Maximum Backilinks in Minimum Time". What is maximum? 20, 200, 20,000, what? Is there a maximum? To be honest, there are many issues I have with this letter. It is very short and should be a lot punchier than this (dependent on what you paid of course). It is loaded with unnecessary words that draw uneventful sentences on too long. I really hope I did not offend anybody I know, but this needs some work. Obviously you are having issues with it. It needs more effort or you need to spend more money. Hope that helps a little Paul
	Paul McQuillan Bruce Lee and Marketing? Need a Killer Sales Page?- click here