Need Advise on Sales letter..

[Kevin Barnes]

Thanks for the advise.
Kevin

[Daniel_Pereira]

Hey Kevin,

At first glance the only problem I saw was that you are missing testimonials. You might want to post your product as a free WSO for a few Warrior Forum members in exchange for some testimonials. That should really help out the sales page in my opinion.

The only other advice from you is that I learned how to write copy from Marlon Sanders, and I though he was amazing. I admit, I am not a master copywriter yet though and that is because I really hate writing the sales letters as much as probably you do! I too am looking forward to the day that I can afford people's expert copywriting services.

Hope those little tips help!

[Paul McQuillan]

Well, for me the humongous block of text you start out with would
send me packing.

You don't need to start out with an introduction. Most of what you
have there is very uninteresting. It is a little tedious to read.

This should be your first sentence-

Do you want a FAST and EASY SOLUTION to cloak your affiliate links?

I edited a line you had buried in there. That is what you need to get
to and then stay on course.

You talk about "The amount of MONEY YOUR GOING TO SAVE will
pay for the cost of this software 100 times over!"

In how long? a week, a month, a year? Get specific

No need to put the "after you purchase" line where it is. Put that in
you autoresponder as it does not add anything here.

The entire intro needs to be re-done. I don't think anyone but you
care how Ninja Mask was born. Why would that mean anything?

You add this line before the bullets- When you purchase Ninja Mask
link cloaker in a few minutes you will instantly have access to these incredible benefits:

I don't think that psychological attempt will help this letter

How about - What will Ninja Mask do for you?

Your bullets need to be more descriptive. At the top of the page you
have a "If you don't understand what link cloaking is check out it's
meaning on Wikipedia", but some of your bullets are in Greek code.
Simplify and explain them.

I think the page looks good, just needs some copy work

Hope that helped a little

[tomw]

I hate to say it but you also need to find some form of USP (difficult I know!) and find a hook - emotional or benefit led. You're in a tough market and there are so many link cloakers out there - many given away for free - some even on this very forum. It's also a product that caters to a very knowledgeable crowd.

What make yours so special?
Why should I (the prospect) pay for it?
What's the problem (caused by not cloaking links) that it will solve?
Maybe bring your solution (benefits) into the headline/make more of this.

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[update]

Upon further reading, your product seems to be quite different to other link cloakers yet you don't actually detail how or why. You only touched upon this in one of the illuminated boxes further down the page under "Unlimited Access." Maybe you've got a USP right there...

Are your links more secure than self-hosted solutions that could be hacked/cracked, for example?
Are they more private than those hosted by more widely available/open to all public web based cloakers?
Does it give it's user more peace of mind as they no longer need to rely on the availability (uptime & bandwidth) of 3rd party sites and solutions?

etc.

You also want to be careful making claims of increased conversion, especially with no substantiation or testimonials.

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I'm a marketer not a full time writer. This is just my general opinion.

Tom