Latest Sales Page - Please Take a Look =)

[willyboy104]

Hello everyone this is my latest sales page please take a look and thank you very much for taking the time to check over my sales page and comment I really do appreciate it.

The Migraine Relief | 100% Natural Migraine Treatment and Headache Remedy

Changes made have been to add more testimonials I have also emailed all existing customers to ask for feedback.

I have changed the title around and added an order now button at the top as well as several more through out the page.

What I am planning to do.

Add more testimonials and proof.
Cut down the amount of words per line.
Top banner which says "as seen on" make colour.

Thanks again.

[TTran]

I haven't been able to read through your whole sales page, but I found the layout to be extremely professional. It's very nice and makes the product seem very legit.

Sorry I'm not familiar with making salespages yet but I've seen this nice piece of work and I think your thread deserves a bump. Best of luck with this product =)

[Bruce Wedding]

I didn't read it all but here are some general comments.

1. Great benefit headline
2. Great layout
3. Great testies

What I'd do is narrow the layout to 650px and then break up the paragraphs into shorter ones, with more variation in length from 1-4 sentences.

[travlinguy]

I think your headline is good. I think this adjustment might make it even better:

Discover The Secret To Completely Eliminating Your Migraine Pain Forever In The Next 48Hours & Never Spend Another Dime On Expensive, Dangerous Treatments

The words 'discover' and 'secret' have been proven to increase response rates considerably. I feel that the word discover is often overused as people often end up with awkward headlines just to work it in. In your case however, it works like frosting on cake. Good luck.

[willyboy104]

Thank you everyone for you're feedback. I am definitely going to try the new headline travilnguy, thank you for that. Bruce thank you for the comments too I am going to try and shrink the page to 650px and cut down some paragraphs and alter the sizes too.

Some great feedback, thank you again I appreciate this very much.

Thanks

[Bill Jeffels]

Wow, there's really not to much to say about this sales letter except that it is pretty good.

I'll reiterate what was said above. There has obviously been some time and effort put into this. That's nice to see.

I really like the P.S. and how you restated your "Big Benefit" and the 100% money back guarantee.

What I really like is the story and ..."so I know how you feel and how frustrating and painful it can be." good emotional trigger words.

Good start.

Bill

[Ross Bowring]

Nice looking page. Following up on Bruce's comments, there's a set of four grey sub-heads followed by four blocky paragraphs. Blocky repels the eye. Split some of those paragraphs up into smaller sentences. For example...

You write...

Most people have the wrong concept that migraines can and should only be treated with advanced medications and expensive treatments, well that’s not true, again, that’s what doctors and the medical system wants us to think because that means more profit to them, but in fact migraine headaches are easy to treat and prevent you just need to know what’s causing them and what steps to take in order to attack them.

But you could write...

Should migraines only be treated by medications and expensive treatments? The medical system sure wants you to think so.

It means more customers for them.

But you don't need to be their next "number".

You'll say goodbye to the pain of migraine headaches forever... without drugs and their side-effects... just by following some simple steps your doctor would never think to tell you.

-----------------------

Your version is a 72 word sentence. It's actually fairly readable. It just looks intimidating. Mine is 63 words. Says the same things, just without the intimidation factor.

I'd go through your letter and make the writing look simple to the eye.

The graphics look great. The sales pitch is solid. But the actual writing itself could be punchier.

Hope this helps.

Ross

[willyboy104]

Thank you very much Ross for that feedback and the example too, I hope you don't mind if I use that as a basis of re-writing my whole sales page in that structure it looks so much better and less intidmidating as you say.

Thanks again everyone

[ryanmberg]

First thing I would do if I were selling a health related product is get on some of Agora Publishing's lists and watch how they sell stuff. They are masters at grabbing attention, drawing people in with emotional story lines, and stacking on the proof so you can't NOT believe that their "cure" will work. I can't post links because my account is new, but if you want to email/PM me I can send you some links of their sites. Or you can Google:

The Health Sciences Institute
Nutrition & Healing
The Douglass Report

One of the biggest things you have to deal with, especially so for health "cure" products, is making your claims believable. This needs to be done right in the headline and covered from different angles again and again in the rest of the letter.

One great way to increase believability is by zeroing in on specific things about your solution. The more specific your story is, the more vivid it becomes in people's minds, and the less room there is for people to wonder whether you're pitching a bunch of B.S. at them. For health products I like to tease people about the "star ingredient/element" of the solution right in the headline...

For example, maybe there is some ordinary food that scientists recently discovered that has the same pain killing power as 5 Ibuprofen but none of the bad side effects. You could say...

-----

"Completely Eliminate Your Migraine Pain In 15 Minutes - 100% Guaranteed"

The Completely Safe Tension Melting Ingredient Found in Any Common Spice Rack That Scientists Say Has The Pain Erasing Power of 5 Ibuprofen But NONE of The Nasty Side Affects

Plus, FIVE Other Natural Pain Destroying Ingredients The Pharmaceutical Companies Have Been Covering Up

-----

Then you can go into some of the other elements of your solution later in the letter - stacking one after another. But you want to lead with the STAR element. The one that really peaks people's curiosity and creates vivid imagery. See how that's so much more believable, too?

Most health cure products you see on clickbank and such are really vague. I think because they are afraid of giving away the solution. But you don't have to give it all away.... you just have to tease. And those little specifics make it so much more powerful than just saying "Hey I have a cure, trust me"

And it doesn't have to be an ingredient. It can be a technique or a method. The trick is in adding those background details. Like if it's a relaxation technique, talk about how it was discovered... the scientific trials done on it... the doctors that recommend it... little quirky details. What's the STORY behind it?

So that's what I'd focus on... finding those star elements and crafting stories behind them. Stacking that proof. If people believe you can really cure their migraines they'll buy it. You don't have to spend too much time convincing them that migraines suck and they should do something about them. They already know that.

Hope that helps!

Ryan

[Bruce Wedding]

Originally Posted by Ross Bowring

Your version is a 72 word sentence. It's actually fairly readable. It just looks intimidating. Mine is 63 words.

Ouch! This is what happens when I don't read the letter. If you find a sentence over 20 words in one of my letters, please let me know immediately.

Break those suckers up.

[Ross Bowring]

Coach's challenge... red flag on the field... my 63 words were spread over 5 sentences and 2 sets of ellipses...

[hukumat]

Very nice looking Sales Page. I think this will convert good. =)
I like headings especially.

[willyboy104]

Thank you everyone so far, I shall be implementing everything everyone said this weekend, some really GOOD ideas and feedback which I am sure will help to increase conversions.

Thank you Uspcopywriter some really good ideas there and great advice, I shall get on with contacting my customers with these ideas.

Thank you Adam and everyone else.

Will.

[wordwizard]

A few more suggestions...

a) Start the letter with a question that focuses on the pain and will benerally be answered with a Yes.

b) Also, keep the focus on PAIN. Yes, it's exhausting too, but that's the least of the problems of migraine sufferes. You can introduce that later.

c) tighten up the first few paragraphs and make them shorter.

d) with your testimonials... find the strongest phrase in each and use them as a headline for the testimonial -- as an attention grabber.

Example for the second testimonial:

"helped me ten times more than the usual medicines and pills"

Hope this helps.

Elisabeth

[willyboy104]

Thank you WordWizard, excellent tips more to add to my sales page I am so appreciative of everyones feedback thank you everyone.

Will.

[Mtkent]

You really need to break up the paragraphs so it reads easier. Also your Preview list is way too long. Shorten it up and us the top 7 or so benefits. You want them to be excited about the product Just use the biggest and the best benefits in you sales copy. One thing to remember if you give people too much info there is a tendancy not to believe it. again just use 7 to maybe 10 and then just throw in, :and so much more: or something like that it will leave the door open more.

[willyboy104]

Thank you MtKent. Yeah agreed about the benefits, there are way to many listed but I don't want readers to feel there is nothing else in the guide.

I shall take a look at decreasing the amount of features and I am working on a new broken up sales page now.

Thanks

[uabclst]

Hi,

I'm new on this forum and this is my first post, so I'm far from an expert in this matters. This is just my personal impressions.

I think your page have a very professional look regarding images and headings.

However, I felt that the texts sometimes were abit boring. Not the content, but the look. Mybee it's the chosen font, I don't know.

I'm looking with Mozilla 3.5.

I checked with IE8 too, and it looked a little better there but still felt a little boring.

[sanjid112]

Just check out your sales page.

Maybe you should change the template and layout of your sales page. The layout at the beginning of the page, looks boring. Sorry about that. Make it more eye-catching, if I may suggest.

The testimonial with photo of the person, I must look at it closer to be able to read it well, since the color of the box and the color of the words is almost the same.

About other things, the others have spoke about it.

[willyboy104]

Thanks guys. I have done some of the changes and I am now just working on cutting the paragraphs up, its rather hard but I am sure I will get there. I will report back when its done, please add more feedback

Thank you

[euhlir]

It's a pretty solid sales letter. Didn't read all the copy, but your layout and design are stellar.

[willyboy104]

Thanks, the new sales text is nearly done still looking for more feedback though, can never stop improving the sales letter. I was thinking for the future of giving affiliates different sales letter options targeting certain people that would be affected by Migraines and pin pointing certain physical and emotional pains.

[um1001]

Originally Posted by willyboy104

Thanks, the new sales text is nearly done still looking for more feedback though, can never stop improving the sales letter. I was thinking for the future of giving affiliates different sales letter options targeting certain people that would be affected by Migraines and pin pointing certain physical and emotional pains.

I'm one of your affiliates and your sales letter was the sole reason I started promoting it. It reads very well. Can't wait to get up in the rankings and start putting eyeballs in front of it.

[willyboy104]

Thanks Jack, nice to hear. I hope your having good success with the product campaign if you have any recommendations or feedback give me a shout.

Will.