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#1 |
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Active Warrior
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Hi,
I am a web developer and marketeer, but I am not a copywriter. However, I have had a go at producing a sales letter/video. Can you experts have a quick look and give me an opinion on it? The video/letter is at Write And Rewrite Articles Fast thanks Tony |
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#2 |
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Copywriting Coach
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I didn't read through all of the sales letter but did look at eh video
and I don't think the video helps your sales letter at all. The video has in too much "flashiness" and not enough message. This type of video may work better on YouTube to advertise your website rather than above your sales letter. Plus the headline ... "Watch This Video To See How You Can Knockout Your Competition!" says nothing. This headline could be applied to a ANY product and therefore applies to NO product at all. It's just not specific enough. On the positive side, the page looks clean and is easy to read. -Ray Edwards |
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#3 |
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Warrior Member
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Hey Tony,
I'm not a video expert, but agree with Ray that it doesn't offer much substance. A short personal message from you explaining the key benefits might work better... maybe even some screen cam shots of the software in action. The headline and sub-heads are all really vague. If anything I'd grab the headlines from your video and put them into the page copy.... they are much more descriptive. I had only a vague idea what the page was about from scanning the headline and sub-heads on the page. But the headlines in the video gave me a good general idea of the benefits. Even though you're just offering a $4.95 trial I think you need to do a lot more selling. You need to throw in some... * Benefit packed bullet points * Testimonials (don't have any? give access away to some people in exchange for feedback) * Your story/background. Why should I trust you? * How the software works/unique features Hope that helps! Ryan |
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FREE Screen Cam Sales Copy Critiques - Affordable High Response Copywriting Services - Performance and Satisfaction Guarantees - 10 Years of Experience: http://www.highresponsecopy.com/
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#4 |
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HyperActive Warrior
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Hi,
I agree with Ray too. I tested one using similar techniques but found that when you A/B it against a person talkin, the person talking usually wins. Now I'm far from great at demos but if you look at my wso below, you'll see one where I had music and camtasia twirls which melted into a personal demo. Good graphics - how did you do the sparklers? Good luck. |
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Len Latimer
Copy-In-A-Box, an amazing Word Add-in Tool that adds Dazzle & Personality to your copy. My WSO |
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#5 | |||
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Active Warrior
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Quote:
- I am not sure what is best video/copy, so I put both in! - I put the video on youtube and am getting a few visits a day, so your point is accurate Quote:
Quote:
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#6 | ||
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Active Warrior
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Quote:
A question: Should I show the product or not - if I do would it kill the curiosity factor? Quote:
Even though you're just offering a $4.95 trial I think you need to do a lot more selling. You need to throw in some... * Benefit packed bullet points * Testimonials (don't have any? give access away to some people in exchange for feedback) * Your story/background. Why should I trust you? * How the software works/unique features Hope that helps! Ryan[/QUOTE] it does help, I have some good testimonials so will use them. cheers Tony | ||
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#7 | |
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Active Warrior
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Quote:
I'll take that approach now that I've sorted out my sound problem I use Slide Effect - Create Amazing Presentations | Slide Effect for the demo, its cheap and easy to use I notice your WSO is long and has tons of detail - I am thinking that a long sales letter is the way to go? your product is interesting - it saves time for copywriting - mine is similar in that saves time for article writers.... cheers Tony | |
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#8 | |
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Quote:
Then you could have a lengthier, more in depth screen cam later. Or just use screen shots. You want to build trust that it will do what you say. I think a lot of people expect at least screen shots from software type products now. Most sites have them. I know I'd be more skeptical without some sort of tour of the software. Ryan | |
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FREE Screen Cam Sales Copy Critiques - Affordable High Response Copywriting Services - Performance and Satisfaction Guarantees - 10 Years of Experience: http://www.highresponsecopy.com/
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#9 | |
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Active Warrior
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Quote:
the product is good, it's a question of getting people to realise this! cheers Tony | |
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| critique, head, produces, propellor, sales, video |
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