copywriter sales letter review

[sacredhoops]

Hello,

I am actually applying for a copywriting position and all they are asking is the following:

"Write us a sales letter on why you're a good candidate for this position. Make it a tight sales
letter about why we should consider hiring you for this position."

Here is my sale letter that I am thinking of sending off. Please check it out at:
Keep It SEO Simple: Application Letter For Copywriting Position

But, I am very interested in having your input please be completely honest with your review.

[sacredhoops]

No one can help me out on this matter? I am looking for honest opinions and that's all I am asking for!

[Cherilyn Woodhouse]

Ok, I'll bite...

1) Your headline sucks. "Application Letter for Copywriting Position". Ok, sure, that's what it is - but it doesn't give them a reason to read it.

2) BLATANT swipe, and it doesn't even make sense. You're attaching a real dollar bill to the top of your blog, sent by priority mail? Unless you've found a way to do that (and if you have, please let me know) you're just ruining your credibility in the first sentence.

3) Count how many times you use the word "I". Then delete them all.

4) This looks like a resume cover-letter, not a sales letter. This isn't showcasing your talent as a copywriter, it's giving them the same thing a non-copywriter would.

5) It needs a complete rewrite. Take a look at some of the salesletters out there that copywriters use to sell their services - and model those. DON'T swipe from them like you did with this letter, anyone who knows copywriting from a hole in the wall will know thats a bad swipe, not good copy.

Sorry to be harsh, but hope it helps.

- Cherilyn

[MaskedMarketer]

DON'T SEND THAT IN!!!

Take some tips from the above post and re-write.

Study sales letters like the one you need to write and adapt to the style you like.

[zephyrwriting]

I think you say 'I realize' far too many times. As a copy writer, you want to showcase just how good you are. Gimmicks like sending a $1 bill along with your application may get a chuckle and even points for originality, but you want your overall letter to impress them enough.

-Vish.

[colmodwyer]

Eric,

As Cherilyn has pointed out this is like a bland, same old same old covering letter for a C.V. (but for the opening; although trite it does suggest a direct response copywriting education of some sort so I wouln't be 100% on the reaction, however something more original would be nicer).

In anycase, as it stands it's for the "special" filing cabinet... Do not mail it. It's pretty short too, you need to really SELL yourself.

I don't want you to be disheartened, but rather prove you can take constructive criticism on the chin, go back to the drawing board and then end up knocking it out of the park with your second draft!

Good Luck,

Colm

[ndcole78]

Am I missing something? Where is your headline, sub headline, intro, revealing of who you are, your guarantee to provide high-quality work, the call to action of them actually hiring you.

Treat it like a real sales letter, but just sell yourself instead of selling a product or service.

[Vijay M]

If I'm not mistaken, sending a $ bill is an old Dan Kennedy technique.

[Justin Mandel]

I read the $1 thing and I thought "...boring..."

Maybe try a Twenty dollar bill and that will REALLY get someone's attention.

[sacredhoops]

Thank you to everyone...this is what I needed to hear and it all helps very much! Back to writing....maybe if I could make the changes suggested. Could a few of you still come back and check it out or should I just post it again?