Wanted! Fresh Eyeballs - Rate my page please.

[genuineseller]

Hi Everybody.

I've just worked over the sales page for my new ebook. I'm gritting my teeth and I think I'm ready for a critique on the overall design and copy.

I've looked it over and over - I need some fresh eyeballs to point out any glaring problems.

Be gentle please. www.FrustratedReaders.com

Steve

[Paul McQuillan]

Visually the page is very nice, maybe not the right kind of nice

I only read the headline and the first paragraph. I have no
idea what it is or why I am reading. I did not try to read
more to find out. (most will not)

"frustrated" does not mean anything unless you mention the
cause of the frustration. I get frustrated with many things.

You need to capture their attention by isolating who they
are and what they want right away.

[Loren Woirhaye]

The header is clever - but the subject doesn't grab me.

I think perhaps you may be approaching this from the
wrong angle.

[amber1210]

The look of the page caught my attention. But, what you are saying did not. It doesn't catch my interest. Nobody will know what you are talking about. It seems like a page that someone would click on, it doesn't grab their attention, so they'll scroll down to the bottom to see what it costs, what the conditions are and if its worth their time and money. That is exactly what I do with the pages like that that really don't catch my attention. Yes, the page design is a lot better than most. Some people seem to think if you highlight everything then you will get people interested. Just work on making it interesting and making it really... POP. Not visually. As I said, visually it caught my attention.

[Hasan Barbary]

You (or your webpage worker) obviously have a strong sense of graphic design. As others have already mentioned, visually it's very nice.

But the copy is weirdly ironic... I mean, it's frustrating!

I tried to objectively read the whole page, but every time my eyes glanced back up above the fold, my brain went "WTF???"

The copy didn't convince me that there was really any specific problem worth solving. Is this about ebay? no. Amazon? no. Writing better? I guess (yawn).

Sorry, but I honestly feel that your domain name and product are WAY too vague.

[annalaurabrown]

I agree with the others. I am confused at first as to exactly what you are offering. Yes its true that people get frustrated by their challenges related to trying to make money but I don't think frustrated is the right word to use when it comes to marketing a product on how to make money writing info products.

What about these instead?

Powerful Information Products Secrets
Discover How to Double Your Income with Info Products

or something similar. There is nothing wrong with the word frustrated in your copy it just should not be the focus.

[Loren Woirhaye]

Is this a riff on the "desperate buyers only" theme?

It may be true that frustrated readers are a niche market.
With the functional adult illiteracy in the states at something
like 40 million there are a lot of people who struggle with
reading comprehension actually. I'm sure illiteracy is
a frustrating circumstance for many of them.

That being said, illiterate people prefer video - owing to
the fact they can't read.

I think what you are really trying to sell here perhaps
is some sort of niche-research idea. The topic was covered
pretty well in a couple of Gordon Burgett's books on
self-publishing - though they are kind of old now.

Internet self-publishing makes it viable to make money
publishing to smaller niche markets than was possible
with the old system of getting books printed.

Anyway - this is some sort of "writing opportunity"
thing - so I would focus on the money-making opportunity
at the top of the letter, not the existence of the
market for the writing. I would probably put that in,
but not as the major point to get reader interest.

[Kevin Birch]

As well everything that has said so far:

Whe I first read the letter I was thinking that you have found a way for people who can't read too well to make money . . .

You claim to have sold thousands of copies of a previous ebook - proof of those stats would work well.

On that proof theme, none of your testimonies have real credibility - you need to more information about them - town, state / country and a photo would be good too.

There is a lot of 'me' ie you in the copy!

PSs usually are placed after the sign off.

Do you really have an unlimited time guarantee?

I think that you need to rethink your strategy and domain name.

Kevin

[Collette]

Originally Posted by genuineseller

...I need some fresh eyeballs to point out any glaring problems...

Steve

Glaring Problem #1: Obscure and Confused Copy. The reader will have absolutely no idea what you're selling.

I had to scroll half-way down the page to get to the bit that (vaguely) tells me you're offering an e-book on how to write information products.

Most people simply will not stay with you that long. They'll be gone by the third paragraph. If not before.

Glaring Problem #2: Confusing Name. Your site name and URL are confusing. "Frustrated Readers" implies that you're going to be pitching something that helps people who have reading disabilities.

But you're not.

This guarantees you will confuse - and lose - your reader, fast.

Glaring Problem #3: Incongurous Design. Your design, while attractive, bears absolutely no relationship to your copy. The "Wanted" poster and the gun, et al, have NOTHING to do with anything you say on the sales page.

Design and copy should always work together towards the same goal. The visual elements on your page should tie in with your copy theme. If I'm selling a muscle-building product, I wouldn't use fluffy bunnies and a powder-pink background for copy that talks about "getting ripped" and "rock-hard abs".



Your writing skill, per se, is ok. You're obviously capable of forming coherent sentences. But you're trying too hard, and layering on whistles and bells where you don't need them. Go back to basics:

- This is what I'm selling
- This is why you need it
- This is why I'm the best source to get it from
- This is how you get it.

[genuineseller]

Thanks everyone for the thrashing. I had the same feeling, it just didn't gel - but of course I'm too close to the product. I'll rework this and see what happens.

[RentItNow]

I think the problem is you are trying to sell people on a fact that is a DUH! fact (sell what pains people). I don't like the graphics at all. You have to be careful with graphics (as well as stories and specific words) as you are subconsciously "triggering" an old west theme (WHICH I HATE) to sell people on creating ebooks in a simple manner. I just don't get it. When I am thinking I want to make money as easy as possible (which IS a high-demand market) I am not thinking conquering the old west, gun slinging IM marketers etc.

Problem 2. The people that your clients would market to are not READERS they are purchasers of information (mechanics, agents, doctors, marketers). In other words, it's like selling to MEN. Way way too ambiguous.

This line: "You can use my simple system to create your own information product that will not only bring relief to frustrated people – it can also make you money time and time again…"

You need to better explain your Unique Sales Proposition which to me seems to be it is easy! In other words I dont want to create some ebook, I want to push a button and have money spilling into my bank account.

Good luck. Welcome to the journey. :-)