Need help with this copy!

[Amfire]

Hi Copywriting Warriors,


Here is my site Dominate a Niche Every Week

Looks like something is missing, not sure what? Can you through light to start with? why a buyer will move away?


(BTW,Testimonials, I have them coming)


Thanks,
Jay

[Loren Woirhaye]

It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying
that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because
it does not flow.

I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
help you.

[Amfire]

Loren,

Thanks for inputs.

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because it does not flow.

I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
help you.

[sanjid112]

Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

-Malik

[Amfire]

Malik,

Thanks. Will work on your points suggested by you.

Originally Posted by sanjid112

Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

-Malik

[Amfire]

Anyone else who can provide inputs?

[Paul McQuillan]

I am not digging the highlighted and centered pre-head. It
should lead into the headline, not dominate it.

The headline is pretty generalized. Any time you use "that"
twice is a bad sign. Eliminate "that" and that may help you
dig deeper for a better description.

Lay off the highlights

I don't have much positive to say unfortunately. I am not
sure what the advantage is. There are many niche finder
products/services out there, what makes this special?

Incorporate that into the pre-head and headline so we know
right away.

It needs a lot of work. Please understand I am not trying to
push "hire a copywriter" up your butt, but you really should
with this.

Hope that helps a little

Paul

[MarkAndrews IMCopywriting]

It's a very janky sales letter, as Loren
pointed out, very little flow to it.

For once I'm in agreement with Paul,
this really does need a great deal of work.

The yellow highlighting serves no useful
purpose for you at all.

The preheader is in the wrong position and
is pretty hopeless and the headline is as
weak as dishwater.

Keep this as a notes only guide (what you
have already) and start again or hire a
copywriter to rework the whole thing for
you and it should convert much better.

I'm sorry that there's not much here that
can actually be praised.

This one needs a whole lot of work.

Wishing you all the best with it.

Best regards.


Mark Andrews...