Need help with this copy!

Amfire · 11-04-2009, 07:11 AM

Hi Copywriting Warriors,

Here is my site Dominate a Niche Every Week

Looks like something is missing, not sure what? Can you through light to start with? why a buyer will move away?

(BTW,Testimonials, I have them coming)

Thanks,
Jay

Loren Woirhaye · 11-04-2009, 07:39 AM

It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying
that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because
it does not flow.

I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
help you.

Amfire · 11-04-2009, 07:46 AM

Loren,

Thanks for inputs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because it does not flow.

I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to
help you.

sanjid112 · 11-04-2009, 08:02 AM

Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

-Malik

Amfire · 11-04-2009, 08:06 AM

Malik,

Thanks. Will work on your points suggested by you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sanjid112

Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important.

Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers.

-Malik

Amfire · 11-04-2009, 10:14 AM

Anyone else who can provide inputs?

11-04-2009, 07:11 AM	#1
Amfire Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: the internet Posts: 673 Thanks: 26 Thanked 45 Times in 28 Posts	Need help with this copy! Hi Copywriting Warriors, Here is my site Dominate a Niche Every Week Looks like something is missing, not sure what? Can you through light to start with? why a buyer will move away? (BTW,Testimonials, I have them coming) Thanks, Jay
	Coming Soon!!!

11-04-2009, 07:39 AM	#2
Loren Woirhaye Who'm I kidding? War Room Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Easthampton, Massachusetts Posts: 4,542 Blog Entries: 15 Thanks: 117 Thanked 904 Times in 651 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Need help with this copy! It reads like you don't think in English very well. I'm not saying that because I'm with the Grammar Police, I'm telling you because it does not flow. I recommend you hire somebody with stronger writing skills to help you.
	HOT! $25,000,000/yr Copywriter's Secret Book—FREE! \| The "Automated Free Traffic Formula" ArticleBot Secrets Revealed! Breakthrough Marketing Blog (+ goodies) CopyWriting Services

11-04-2009, 08:02 AM	#4
sanjid112 Banned War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 183 Thanks: 4 Thanked 21 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Need help with this copy! Add more about who you are, how long you have been in niche research marketing, and what gives you insight until you find this is can be valuable and important. Why you lose link between it, it because you just give bullet-points without any more explanation or some sort of story to make it flow naturally. Add some sentences on it. Give them some examples from reality why this is very important and more beneficial than other offers. -Malik

11-04-2009, 10:14 AM	#6
Amfire Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: the internet Posts: 673 Thanks: 26 Thanked 45 Times in 28 Posts	Re: Need help with this copy! Anyone else who can provide inputs?
	Coming Soon!!!