Please Critique My Sales Page - ChristmasTrivia.ca

[StaffPartyTrivia]

Hi

Please critique my sales page for my new clickbank product.

I think I may not be communicating the "fun" and "wide appeal"
that trivia has after you've played it.

Any ideas?

Also open to other areas of critique - and don't be nice. That doesn't help much. Tell me how to make this convert for people sending it to their own friends and family, co-workers, etc. If I can break that barrier, it will work.

PS. Email me from the address on the site and tell me your comments
and I will send you a gift...which I guess I can't name unless its a WSO.
But I think you are smart enough to know.

christmastrivia.ca ( also the site in sig below )

=== UPDATE

So far 10 members have replied - thanks to all. All great stuff here
... keep it coming! I will be making changes!

The shortage of copy is due the "above the fold" intent
and the fact that "I really don't know what else to add"
and I don't expect people to spend a half hour on the page.lol

I will however push the RESULT obtained from purchasing the
product which is friends/family time together ...fun ..good experiences.

Can anyone suggest some HEADLINES or some BULLETS?

[Scott Murdaugh]

Okay, I won't be nice.

There's less words there than on a Monopoly game box... And Monopoly (excluding, like chess and checkers) is the most popular board game in the world. So they've got a TON of social proof. (Really, who hasn't played Monopoly?)

My question would be do you have plans to monetize this and is Clickbank the best platform for you? It's going to take A LOT of $7 sales to make any money.

If you've got a back end of higher ticket items it's going to be such a broad niche that it'd be tough to figure out what to sell on the back end.

If you're wanting to make money on the front end of this I don't see you making much. If you have a plan to monetize the back I'd just give 100% commissions on this through RAP and let affiliates know about it.

I just played trivia this weekend. I don't do it often, was meeting some old friends for a few drinks at the bar and they happened to be running trivia. I think I had a $25 tab with food/drinks, so they made more than $7 off of me.

Are you planning on building this into something bigger? Or just a quick payday for the Christmas season?

A lot of families will play "Secret Santa" type of games, where everyone buys a small gift and then they play bingo or whatever and give out the gifts as prizes...

My family on my Mom's side does like a raffle thing for the kids. You could pitch that element of it.

Quite a few ways to go with it. But as is, it's doing very little telling and pretty much zero selling.

I'd do some serious thinking about the back end side of it. You don't need a world class sales letter for a $7 product, but you do need a back end if you want to make any serious money.

Good luck.

-Scott

[travlinguy]

I'd agree with much of what Scott says. I also get the idea that this is sort of an experiment to see if you've got anything here, and you just might. As for the Clickbank part of it, you're going to get croaked. It's not likely you'll pick up many affiliates with such a small payday. And as for your end, that's going to be small too. If you find that you’re not picking up any affiliates you might consider dumping CB and going with Paypal.

Okay, with all that said I think the offer has decent appeal. While reading it I imagined family folks together for the holidays all hanging out drinking eggnog and playing this game. Maybe I just have a vivid imagination.

With just a little work, you could develop the family angle a little more and paint the picture I described above or something similar. I'd guess this type of product is going to appeal more to people in their fifties and older, though you might get some action from a younger demographic.

So... I'd tweak a little to make it more appealing to your market by playing up the old days when families did quaint stuff on Christmas like sing songs and play Christmas trivia games and try to promote the product to that group. Good Luck!

[CourtneyJames]

Hey, I think there's really good ideas here.

And just from reading what you do have... I am curious. So maybe it's a gut feeling but I think you do have something here if you could collect some testimonials... social proof or maybe demonstrate your product.

Like a video of your product in use.

Personally, my biggest beef with your sales copy... is the lack of it.

Let's pretend you wanted to tell a friend on Facebook all about your product. What would you say to them? Well, That's your pitch. Use your own words. And tell me every little detail.

Hope that helps.

[Ashley Gable]

when I first saw the page, I had not idea where to look. My eyes were being drawn to the order button, back to the guarantee image, over to the 2 headlines ... and then to the santa and all over again.

I would just maybe make that 60 day money back guarantee seal alot smaller and put it next to or above the order button.

I would also try to turn it into two columns instead of three. Just try to make it more simple. Less confusion on the readers part.

[bigchezmktg]

I would agree with the others. A picture of people laughing, gathered around a fireplace with a Christmas tree in the background, playing your game and enjoying time with their family would be a better graphic than the one of your game. This isn't about you or your game. Make it about THEM!

And definitely add more copy!

Let them imagine, with all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, having the time to sit down together and remembering what it was like when "times were simpler".

You aren't selling them a game. You're giving them extra time to spend together as a family.

I'd also add a side border and have the background on either side be a forest green color to draw their eyes into the (suggestion alert) red headline and extra copy I'm hoping you'll add.

Best of luck to you!

[Bill Farnham]

Perhaps a short video explaining in more detail what the customer will experience if they buy your product would help. Right now it requires too much speculation on your visitors' part to make a buying decision.

KJ

[ghyphena]

Hi Steve,

Here are some suggestions:

1. Above the fold intent is good. But, like AshleyAA says, there's too much going on. Try to keep to one or two elements to make things easier on the eye.

2. Center the headline and make it bigger. Get the booklet image out of the limelight - the headline is more important.

3. Basically everyone has said add more copy. Looking at your page, I don't think you have any copy on there apart from your "If... life of the party" headline.

"2-200 players aged 10-100" is not copy. The bit about everyone's favourite Xmas songs sounds like something from a TV ad and probably isn't going to generate conversions.

4. Theme: I suggest you write a little piece based on two dominant and related emotional triggers:

i. social approval - being seen as a hero who created the perfect party experience
ii. the "win" factor - wiping that smile off smug sister-in-law Brenda's face. You know, the thrill of getting one up over one's fellow man. What Christmas is all about.

(If you want to change your headline, you might want it to reflect these triggers)

5. How to play this:

You've prepared the perfect Christmas party/meal/whatever. Put literally hours of prep into it. The refreshments are all perfect. But there's something missing.

Then it hits you. Oh! *Christmas crumpets*! You haven't given any thought to entertainment. You can't expect everyone to make small talk for two hours, and you haven't seen your dusty Monopoly set since 1985.

But there's a way out - get your hands on "My Trivia Game" and your party will be talked about for years. Imagine the thrill of competition in the air as your guests wrack their brain for answers. Imagine the looks of sheer delight on your guests' faces as they engage in the friendly rivalry.

And imagine the look on smug sister-in-law Brenda's face when she realises that you've thrown the perfect party.

"My Trivia Game" is so easy to set up. Just download the forms, print them out and have them ready to distribute to your guests. Get the eggnog ready... and then sit back and enjoy your success....

... the point is: you're not selling a game. You're selling an experience.

(Note: that's not copy... it's just the gist. If you want to adapt it, you may - but be aware that it needs to be spaced out more and elaborated on.)

6. A quarter of your page is taken up by your bonus offer. Get rid of that. If a bunch of printable hymns anyone can find on Google is what's going to sell your game here, then you have serious problems.

7. Do you know what would really, really help you sell here? Social proof. Lots and lots of it. You can't demonstrate any authority to speak of because it doesn't really fit the type of product... so you're left with testimonials. People telling you how much fun their guests had... and how they keep telling them about it.

You may have arrived at the party a little late for that, excuse the pun, but it's something to think about.

Hope this helps.

Gil-Ad

PS - About your offer: I think that two rounds of questions is, to put it diplomatically, a touch underwhelming.

The average pub quiz has 8+ rounds of 15-20 questions each, including some different categories (history, geography, TV, etc) plus a picture round, a music round, a novelty-type round (all answers begin with "E") and some other bonus-point round.

The thing is, since your product is downloadable, it shouldn't be too difficult to add that sort of thing - jpgs, mp3 snippets, etc. Just remember that even though it's all about the experience, the average $15.99 pub quiz book will contain approx. 1000 questions - so again, something to think about. -G

[euhlir]

There's numerous problems.

1. You have no real copy

2. Your page is chaotic as I'll get out.

3. What trust factor's are there?

I think you should try to look for the questions people are asking about your product, and then tell them why your product answers their question.

[Mtkent]

Ok 1st of all I agree with Scott as far as monetizing this. There's just not much draw for any affiliates to promote this. Not enough money. You definitley need a back end sale to make this work the way it's set up now.You sales page is not easy to read at all. You need a HEADLINE! Just take a look at some of the really successful sales copy out there and use that format. In every successful sales copy there is always a great headline, the problem you are going to solve, and the benefit of the product. Your copy does none of the above. The ony thing you do on your copy is talk about what your product has. You need to let the potential customer know why they need your product first. What problem your product will solve. Remind them of boring office parties and how horrible it is, family gatherings with nothing awkward silence, so on and so forth and then tell them that your product will fix all these problems. And I would also use a more festive pic with friends and family smiling and having a good time around a xmas atmosphere. I think you are really going to have to push this because there are a lot of free items out there that you are competing with. I really believe this might be a good tool to build a list with and offer a higher end product on the backend sale. Good luck.