please provide feedback to my landing page

arttse · 11-10-2009, 07:20 PM

Appreciate constructive feedback only.

Happy to pay a copywriter up to $40 to replace with a more effective landing page.

link: www.passiveincomeonline.org

askloz · 11-10-2009, 07:49 PM

you might be able to get a few words changed.

btw, take a look at some of the other landing pages here, then see how theirs differs from yours... then start making those changes.

johnlagoudakis · 11-10-2009, 07:54 PM

A couple of quick tips:

Text needs to be larger size

Have the video on the page instead of a link to it (if possible)

erinwrites · 11-10-2009, 09:17 PM

This reads a lot like a first pass--I see a bunch of errors that, with a careful reading, you probably would have caught and fixed.

If you only have $40 to spend, perhaps you should purchase a couple of copywriting training books and learn some tricks of the trade so you can do the page yourself?

redfc · 11-11-2009, 07:25 AM

your first two paragraph sounds like making a general statement about passive income rather than talking to me when I'm reading it.

Be specific, when you talk about passive income, is it online passive income or offline. The school of thought by Robert Kiyosaki are mostly offline passive income. In your case, I guess its about affiliate.

What I suggest - find one landing page in your niche with a nice landing page that you like reading, then copy and modified from there. Try search in clickbank for your niche.

Any hope you might top up a little bit more in your investment? I recommend desperatebuyersonly.com by Alexi Dowes its worth the investment.

bigchezmktg · 11-11-2009, 08:16 AM

Does your target audience know what "passive income" is, or are you assuming they do?

I said this on a different thread, but think about what the single, greatest thing you hope your customer will accomplish by buying your product, and write about that.

What could they do with the extra money they get from selling a product they don't even have to create? More vacations? Actually BUYING what's on everyone's Christmas list this year? A gift for the wife in a special teal-colored box (read: Tiffany's) for no reason?

Get excited, man! You're talking about showing people how to survive the recession without having to create their own product to do it! I felt no passion from your letter.

I even missed the link for the video because it's just text. Embed it by using something like AudioAcrobat. They're super cheap and easy to use. (tell em I sent you!)

Bottom line, your copy is very sterile and almost painful. Get your hands dirty, look up funner and more interesting words to describe what you're doing, and for God's sake man, enjoy the process!

arttse · 11-13-2009, 07:06 PM

Thanks for all the feedback.

Time to overhaul the landing page.

vertical100 · 12-30-2009, 04:09 PM

Hoping you took advice and you're able to use it.

I have just created a new opt-in page (which I would also appreciate feedback on)

Accelerator For Success!

Happy New Year!!!

Jim Gillum · 12-31-2009, 12:56 AM

vertical100....
starts nice.......but....when you start the video it jumps to a page with an insurance ad....not good.......
A squeeze page is supposed to capture subscribers or optins.....

I am guessing you are an affiliate and have no control over the page.....
The speaker needs some IM coaching.....don't care who he worked for....only care about what he is going to do for me.....
his pitch did not convince me to go to the next video....

Karomesis · 12-31-2009, 03:56 AM

From a purely aesthetic point of view, I would argue their is far too much white space, it leaves me feeling cold for some reason.

Maybe making the opt in box smaller like I've seen Ewen do on some of his squeeze pages.

like this one The Easiest Money You'll Ever Make!

Linkbuilder123 · 12-31-2009, 12:57 PM

I thought it was decent...However i am no expert...I did get tempted to click, but I help back... I think you have a great start but I do admit, there is somthing more needed...I hope this helps...

Linkbuilder123 · 12-31-2009, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karomesis

From a purely aesthetic point of view, I would argue their is far too much white space, it leaves me feeling cold for some reason.

Maybe making the opt in box smaller like I've seen Ewen do on some of his squeeze pages.

like this one The Easiest Money You'll Ever Make!

I can compleatly agree with this statement...I didnt even know I felt that "cold" feeling until it was pointed out..great eye

11-10-2009, 07:20 PM	#1
arttse Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 559 Thanks: 202 Thanked 73 Times in 63 Posts	please provide feedback to my landing page Appreciate constructive feedback only. Happy to pay a copywriter up to $40 to replace with a more effective landing page. link: www.passiveincomeonline.org

11-10-2009, 07:49 PM	#2
askloz DailyTradingSystem.com War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: United Kingdom. Posts: 2,766 Blog Entries: 3 Thanks: 151 Thanked 264 Times in 207 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page you might be able to get a few words changed. btw, take a look at some of the other landing pages here, then see how theirs differs from yours... then start making those changes.
	HEADS UP Forex JV Partners Required - NEW Daily Trading System Forex Videos NEW Forex Signal Mentor - EVEN NEWER Ultimate Golden Cross NEW FX Signal Book

11-10-2009, 07:54 PM	#3
johnlagoudakis JohnLagoudakis.com War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 354 Blog Entries: 8 Thanks: 33 Thanked 48 Times in 36 Posts Social Networking	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page A couple of quick tips: Text needs to be larger size Have the video on the page instead of a link to it (if possible)
	* FREE Webinar Reveals How I Make a Full-Time Income Online! * (see how Google stabbed me in the back) John Lagoudakis Blog Top 100 Clickbank Affiliate

11-10-2009, 09:17 PM	#4
erinwrites Writer Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: PDX, USA Posts: 293 Thanks: 42 Thanked 28 Times in 25 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page This reads a lot like a first pass--I see a bunch of errors that, with a careful reading, you probably would have caught and fixed. If you only have $40 to spend, perhaps you should purchase a couple of copywriting training books and learn some tricks of the trade so you can do the page yourself?
	Kick Ass Writer Available! Custom Content! Discounts Available for Warrior Forum Members!

11-11-2009, 07:25 AM	#5
redfc Active Warrior Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 85 Thanks: 6 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page your first two paragraph sounds like making a general statement about passive income rather than talking to me when I'm reading it. Be specific, when you talk about passive income, is it online passive income or offline. The school of thought by Robert Kiyosaki are mostly offline passive income. In your case, I guess its about affiliate. What I suggest - find one landing page in your niche with a nice landing page that you like reading, then copy and modified from there. Try search in clickbank for your niche. Any hope you might top up a little bit more in your investment? I recommend desperatebuyersonly.com by Alexi Dowes its worth the investment.

11-11-2009, 08:16 AM	#6
bigchezmktg Active Warrior Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 34 Thanks: 10 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts Social Networking	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page Does your target audience know what "passive income" is, or are you assuming they do? I said this on a different thread, but think about what the single, greatest thing you hope your customer will accomplish by buying your product, and write about that. What could they do with the extra money they get from selling a product they don't even have to create? More vacations? Actually BUYING what's on everyone's Christmas list this year? A gift for the wife in a special teal-colored box (read: Tiffany's) for no reason? Get excited, man! You're talking about showing people how to survive the recession without having to create their own product to do it! I felt no passion from your letter. I even missed the link for the video because it's just text. Embed it by using something like AudioAcrobat. They're super cheap and easy to use. (tell em I sent you!) Bottom line, your copy is very sterile and almost painful. Get your hands dirty, look up funner and more interesting words to describe what you're doing, and for God's sake man, enjoy the process!
	Send more traffic to your website: http://www.BigCheeseMarketing.com Discover the secret to losing weight and keeping it off: http://www.WhatIfYouWereThin.com

11-13-2009, 07:06 PM	#7
arttse Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 559 Thanks: 202 Thanked 73 Times in 63 Posts	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page Thanks for all the feedback. Time to overhaul the landing page.

12-30-2009, 04:09 PM	#8
vertical100 Accelerator for Success! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Dover,NH, USA. Posts: 39 Thanks: 4 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Social Networking	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page Hoping you took advice and you're able to use it. I have just created a new opt-in page (which I would also appreciate feedback on) Accelerator For Success! Happy New Year!!!
	Accelerator for Success using: Dream Bar Cafe Principles www.acceleratorforsuccess.com

12-31-2009, 12:56 AM	#9
Jim Gillum HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Deltona, Florida Posts: 130 Thanks: 22 Thanked 20 Times in 16 Posts	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page vertical100.... starts nice.......but....when you start the video it jumps to a page with an insurance ad....not good....... A squeeze page is supposed to capture subscribers or optins..... I am guessing you are an affiliate and have no control over the page..... The speaker needs some IM coaching.....don't care who he worked for....only care about what he is going to do for me..... his pitch did not convince me to go to the next video....
	Help for new marketers www.for-new-marketers.info/blog www.landscape-art.info My Art Blog

12-31-2009, 03:56 AM	#10
Karomesis VOX PER SCIENTIA War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Nashua NH Posts: 106 Thanks: 8 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts Contact Info	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page From a purely aesthetic point of view, I would argue their is far too much white space, it leaves me feeling cold for some reason. Maybe making the opt in box smaller like I've seen Ewen do on some of his squeeze pages. like this one The Easiest Money You'll Ever Make!

12-31-2009, 12:57 PM	#11
Linkbuilder123 Active Warrior Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 40 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: please provide feedback to my landing page I thought it was decent...However i am no expert...I did get tempted to click, but I help back... I think you have a great start but I do admit, there is somthing more needed...I hope this helps...