New Sales Page Converting at 2% - Any Ideas for Improvement?

[SimonTurner]

Hi Copywriting Gurus,

We've spent a couple of solid weeks improving the sales page for our WorkoutBOX Programs product and have made some pretty decent improvements, getting conversions up from 0.25 to 2%.

I'm pretty sure we can still improve further though and would love some feedback. Any ideas?

Here's the sales page:

WorkoutBOX Programs - Professionally designing training plans

Thanks again

[Loren Woirhaye]

This site is a jostle of information that reads more like a brochure
than a sales letter.

My advice is to test a LETTER - and use the material you have,
graphs and all, as supporting collateral material - perhaps
in a FAQ.

The graphics look nice but not, to me, instantly comprehensible -
so it's my guess people will have to puzzle over your charts
and graphs to figure out what they mean.

I just find your sales message disjointed.

[SimonTurner]

Hi Loren,

Thanks for your feedback. We tried a sales letter but it really didn't fit in with the Web 2.0 style of our site. People come on the site to browse our free workouts and we have to simply explain to them why they should pay for our advanced WorkoutBOX Programs. We've found that they have a very low attention spam and just be bothered to read much

With a sales letter, no one was reading it and they were just switching off and just going back to the main site. You can see our old style sales letter here

The current page converts over a 1000% better than this did. Interesting isnt it?

[Loren Woirhaye]

I meant test a good salesletter written skillfully.

You found out your letter stinks already. The market
told you.

I thought it stunk just looking at it.

The only way to know is to test.

I seriously think you're just headed down the wrong
path - and it's likely to limit your business growth.

It seems to me you've prioritized graphics and color
schemes over developing a solid selling message.

[SimonTurner]

I understand what your saying. But i really dont think a conventional sales page is right for our product.

In the fitness niche there as so many scams that try and sell your ground breaking fitness programs that will give you 6 pack abs in 30 days. If we create a long sales letter like there's, our product looks exactly the same and people will just switch off.

Our product is 100% unique, its not some tacky fitness ebook, its an new of the site section with videos and is fully interactive and it gets unlocked when ur purchase. If we make our sales page look different from the rest, people will see this and be more more receptive.

I for one would never buy a dodgy looking ebook with a massive sales page packed with testmonials promising you the world, but i think i would buy from the current one we have.

[SimonTurner]

Forgot to add - the other main reason a sales letter doesnt work is because people are not landing on it directly.

Every user lands on the workouts or exercies section of the site where they then see a workout like this:

Workouts > Weight Loss Gym Machines Workout | WorkoutBOX

They then decide to sign up or find out about the programs, and its only then that they see this sales page. So basically, people already have lots of confidence in workoutbox and the site, so we dont need to waffle when explaining our product.

[Rick Johansson]

As soon as I hit your site, there's nothing in the headline or subheads that tells me why it's unique from all the other "weight loss" sites out there. As someone whose seen TONS of weight loss sites over and over again...it didn't grab my attention.

Here's one of your headlines: "WorkoutBOX Programs are professionally designed training plans - proven to be more effective than standard workouts" ....that can be tacked on top of ANY weight loss site and it would make sense--- a sign it needs to be revamped.

You also need before/after photos, case studies, etc.

Rick

[SimonTurner]

Hi Rick, as i said to Loren in my above post. If you take a look at the homepage of the site first:

WorkoutBOX | The Best Workout and Exercise Routines

And then navigate around you will see what is different.

Sorry my fault, i should probably have made this clearer from the start.

[CDarklock]

Originally Posted by SimonTurner

We tried a sales letter but it really didn't fit in with the Web 2.0 style of our site.

I find it strange that you come in here to ask how you can improve your conversions, and when a truly excellent copywriter tells you what he'd do... you argue with him.

Everybody thinks their market is "different," their niche is "different," and their site is "different."

And when you put a real professional on the job, the funny thing is that for the overwhelming majority of markets and niches and sites... the approach that converts best is the long-form sales letter.

No matter how "different" the business insists they are.

Let's look at a very quick and obvious point. Imagine you have a quantity of positively terrible copywriting that actively convinces people never to buy from you. What you'll find is that the more of it you have, the less people buy. Your conversion will suck either way, but when you have a little bit of terrible copy, conversion sucks less than when you have a LOT of it. Replace it with great sales copy, or even good copy, and you get the opposite: more copy, more sales.

[Mike Anthony]

Originally Posted by SimonTurner

Hi Loren,

Thanks for your feedback. We tried a sales letter but it really didn't fit in with the Web 2.0 style of our site. People come on the site to browse our free workouts and we have to simply explain to them why they should pay for our advanced WorkoutBOX Programs.

I hear you Simon and I dont think you are being hard headed at all just having an input in your business and business model so it can be better understood. I think part of the problem is that you might not really need a copywriter (as in a sales page copywriter). You sound like you just want to get the content for your full site down like a blogger might want to get his blog content down. So maybe you are looking in the wrong spot or asking the question wrong?

You might want someone who specializes in usability and web design as well.

Maybe then or simultaeneously you can approach the sales page as well. Wish you the best.

[Jag82]

Originally Posted by SimonTurner

Hi Rick, as i said to Loren in my above post. If you take a look at the homepage of the site first:

WorkoutBOX | The Best Workout and Exercise Routines

And then navigate around you will see what is different.

Sorry my fault, i should probably have made this clearer from the start.

Hi Simon,

My first impression of your homepage is that
your site is selling a software/web program,
not a fitness workout program.


Also, the 3 bullets are not compelling to me.

You are explaining the features with the bullets;

And I think you will probably get better responses
with bullets explaining the benefits (what's in it for me).


Lastly, you might want to add photo testimonials
on your home page and accreditation logos if any.

Jag

[erinwrites]

My first gripe is that I land on a page labeled /programs/summary and only see two things to click on but I have absolutely no idea why I should click on either one of them. Either one of those links could take me to a spam site or a site that will install something funky on my computer. I know from your posts here that neither will do that but if I'm a first time visitor to this page I'm not going to say "well, self I guess I want to lose weight and tone up, let's see what happens when I click that box!"

You do need text on your site: something that explains the program, what it entails and why it is beneficial to people. You say that your sales letter didn't convert. That is because your old sales letter wasn't compelling and did read pretty much just like every other weight loss sales letter. A good copywriter can give you a sales letter that keeps people reading and then makes them want to click on one of your links.

I didn't explore through the site at all, but I think you're getting a little bit too caught up in wanting to be different.

With good writing, whether your sales letter is short or long form you will be different and you will raise your conversions. A good sales letter, if done well, will make the reader feel more like they are reading a story or a piece of correspondence, not something meant to get them to fork over some money.

[markpocock]

Simon

Your problem is this:

WorkoutBOX Programs are professionally designed training plans - proven to be more effective than standard workouts

Standard Workouts
Cutting edge muscle building techniques
Scientifically proven to be far more effective than normal workouts
Completely transform your body
Train smarter, not harder
Motivation & support from fitness team
Guaranteed long term results
Available online from WorkoutBOX
Ask questions on the forums
Track your progress with Training Logs

The above is all logical. It's not emotional at all.
People buy on emotion justify with logic. You're putting
people in logical mode first. Apart from that they're all features. You need to convert each
one to a benefit and then a deeper benefit.

WorkoutBOX Programs are professionally designed training plans - proven to be more effective than standard workouts

Whoopee!!

Your headline does not appeal to curiousity. And it doesn't have a benefit.
Curiosity/benefit headlines arte the strongest.

You're not building rapport with your prospect. It's like a salesman
banging on your door you open it and and starightaway he tells
you what a great product he has.
What would you do with such a sales person...? I know what I'd do
Slam the bloody door on him!!

Remember: It's NOT about YOU. It's ALL about your prospect.

You say
Periodization has been scientifically proven to be the most effective training method available for muscle building. It gives significantly better results than repeatedly performing the same workout or just making up your own workout routine as you go along.

OK Prove it to me.

You say
All WorkoutBOX Programs have been created by professional strength coach, Travis Steffen.

Travis’s experience speaks for itself :

He’s trained UFC champion Jens “Lil’ Evil” Pulver
He’s a registered Olympic Weightlifting instructor
He’s a professional mix martial artist


The above should be up a lot higher on your sales page.

I could go on. However ,let's take a look at your old sales letter....

Getting in shape has never been easier
Since 2007, WorkoutBOX.com has helped over 6,000 members get in shape.

You’ve asked us for a new way to help you get the body you want...

…The result?

A smarter, more convenient way to improve your body
"If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten. "

Anthony Robbins

Your headline....

Getting in Shape Has Never Been Easier

This headline is so weak it's untrue. Sorry to tell you this.
You need to read Breakthrough Advertising.
The chapter on the Stage of Awareness of your audience.

Your market has heard your tired promise before. It's
not going to respond to it anymore. Yet the desire
to get fitter is still there. So you need a new mechanisam.
A new way of getting your reader to read on.
Carlton calls it the "Hook." The titbit of human interest
in your product.

I think the biggest problem is you haven't found the sweetspot
of your market in your headline.

Think like Ted Nicholas does. He calls it the 'Hidden Benefit'.
"if you had God like powers what one thing would you grant
your prospect?

Don't take any of my thoughts personal. I'm just pointing
out areas you could improve.

cheers

Mark
Good luck

[ScottAnderson]

Mark said it best. There's no emotion to it. Graphics are very professional looking 'but' only when you scroll down. Especially on the second page (I went to the male side). I only clicked so I could help out and give you feedback. That first title could be more enticing if it read something like...

What type of body are you going to commit to today?

I'd put the buttons down below and the I want to statements...

So above button, female side - A gorgeous masterpiece that feels great, looks even better and ...

Then on the button your action text could read something like "Get Sexy Now!"

Your title fonts could be a bit bolder and maybe some background very light, subliminal like messages that read "easy," or something that's not going to make it hard. You know how lazy we all get ...

Also, your male model could be looking at the surfer.

Also - I understand where your coming from with wanting to have a certain image and using a sales letter may not fit. It's mixing the sales letter strategy into your professional design. You still need captivating headers, sell with emotion, use call to actions... with a 2% conversion - anything can't hurt.

Hope that helps

[KristiDaniels]

Here are a few tid bits:

1. Design for 800 x 400. A lot of people are browsing on net books and cell phones these days.

2. Splitting your audience between men and women is smart. But your home page doesn't make it obvious that you want them to click and where to click. Make both huge blue text links or obvious buttons.

3. Add some urgency. Run a special. Add a bonus if they order immediately. Make it scarce if possible (only a certain number available).

I hope that helps.

[Hesaidblissfully]

The funny thing about hype is that while so many people say they're fed up with it, the "hypey" products are the top sellers on Clickbank week after week (Yes, I know the ecommerce world is much, much bigger than Clickbank, but you're still talking about a sizeable chunk of customers there). The people who write copy for these products understand that people don't buy products, they buy RESULTS. They buy the dream.

Nobody cares about your product (or mine) or how cutting edge or advanced it is. They only care about the new body they're going to have, or the compliments they're going to receive from the opposite sex (which I saw you mentioned), or how much more confident they're going to feel, or how much more energy they'll have - whatever. That's what your sales page should focus on.

Like other people mentioned, you have to appeal to people's emotions. Describe vividly how awesome their life's going to be once they have your product. Don't make claims your product can't back up, but DO exploit basic customer psychology.

Here's a sales page for a product in your niche.

Build Muscle & Gain Weight | Truth About Muscle Gain & Muscle Building

Yes, it's hypey, but notice how as soon as you click on the page, you're hit with benefits that appeal to the prospect's emotions. "Button popping chest", "Sleeve-ripping arms", "rock solid 6-pack abs". If some skinny kid clicks an ad and comes across that page, he's already picturing himself as Lou Ferigno within the first few seconds.

Obviously you can tone down the rhetoric on your own page so that it's congruent to your brand, but you still need to push your audience's psychological buttons.

As for being wanting to make your page different...That's understandable, but I think you should focus on modelling what's successful for other people first, and THEN once you're having success with that, you can use that success as the context for innovation. Why try to re-invent the wheel when you can just learn from others who are already successful?

[Ann Writes]

Hi Simon

Here are some impressions/thoughts:

• For a 'workout' page/site, the colors are bland. I'd expect much stronger colors to get pumped and let's face it, you want to be pumped if you're going to be working out

• There is no lead/build up to the choice I have to make. Even if this were a nested page from a more attention grabbing one, it's too 'cold-turkey'

• The image of a man, face-down, no matter how reflective and/or proud and/or satisfied he may be feeling doesn't really grab a reader by the eyeballs and inspire them into action (the image of the girl does a slightly better job)

Just some feedback to the already great feedback you've got.

Best of luck!

[stevedirect]

Originally Posted by Hesaidblissfully

The funny thing about hype is that while so many people say they're fed up with it, the "hypey" products are the top sellers on Clickbank week after week (Yes, I know the ecommerce world is much, much bigger than Clickbank, but you're still talking about a sizeable chunk of customers there). The people who write copy for these products understand that people don't buy products, they buy RESULTS. They buy the dream.

Nobody cares about your product (or mine) or how cutting edge or advanced it is. They only care about the new body they're going to have, or the compliments they're going to receive from the opposite sex (which I saw you mentioned), or how much more confident they're going to feel, or how much more energy they'll have - whatever. That's what your sales page should focus on.

Good post... This pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Simon, I wouldn't worry about being "hypey". You can have really persuasive copy without resorting to hype. The best copywriters don't really use hype. They just tell the truth in the most dramatic way possible, using a potent mix of emotion, logic, storytelling and other elements to bring the pitch to life. Read some of Gary Bencivenga's stuff to see what I mean.

Good luck with your upping-conversion-efforts...

Best regards

Steve

[CopyMonster]

Originally Posted by Hesaidblissfully

The funny thing about hype is that while so many people say they're fed up with it, the "hypey" products are the top sellers on Clickbank week after week (Yes, I know the ecommerce world is much, much bigger than Clickbank, but you're still talking about a sizeable chunk of customers there). The people who write copy for these products understand that people don't buy products, they buy RESULTS. They buy the dream.

Nobody cares about your product (or mine) or how cutting edge or advanced it is. They only care about the new body they're going to have, or the compliments they're going to receive from the opposite sex (which I saw you mentioned), or how much more confident they're going to feel, or how much more energy they'll have - whatever. That's what your sales page should focus on.

Like other people mentioned, you have to appeal to people's emotions. Describe vividly how awesome their life's going to be once they have your product. Don't make claims your product can't back up, but DO exploit basic customer psychology.

Here's a sales page for a product in your niche.

Build Muscle & Gain Weight | Truth About Muscle Gain & Muscle Building

Yes, it's hypey, but notice how as soon as you click on the page, you're hit with benefits that appeal to the prospect's emotions. "Button popping chest", "Sleeve-ripping arms", "rock solid 6-pack abs". If some skinny kid clicks an ad and comes across that page, he's already picturing himself as Lou Ferigno within the first few seconds.

Obviously you can tone down the rhetoric on your own page so that it's congruent to your brand, but you still need to push your audience's psychological buttons.

As for being wanting to make your page different...That's understandable, but I think you should focus on modelling what's successful for other people first, and THEN once you're having success with that, you can use that success as the context for innovation. Why try to re-invent the wheel when you can just learn from others who are already successful?

Nice post.

(Not sure about Lou Ferrigno though... I'm thinking many kids these days won't even know who he is, even the Terminator himself is more politician than fitness icon these days)

Back to the topic. Lots of ideas and suggestions here.

The original link you provided seemed strange but that's because there was no context.

A quick click through to the 'sales' page did little for me. As others have said, there's little emotional connection (which is fine if you're targeting Driver types but even then you're missing because you have only vague/generic claims). It's all a little too clinical.

"WorkoutBOX Programs use the latest cutting-edge techniques to help you burn more fat than you would with any standard workout." is fantastic in that it doesn't really say anything that any other fitness product claims. You've got to say something here that really grabs attention. This falls far short of that.

"Cutting edge fat burning techniques" - why not jump it up a couple of notches? What does periodization training mean in terms of results? Is it 30% more effective, two times faster? If you said "Burn Fat 37% Faster with Periodization Technology", that's going to sound more unique and suck me in harder than what you have there now.

"Completely transform your body" - zzzz... generic.

In short, I think there's a lot that could be done or at least tested to beef up conversions.

Other points:

On a quick visit to the homepage, there was nothing to pull me in. It all seemed rather generic and uninteresting to me.

Contrast your site with Beachbody.com. While they offer different solution, they're no doubt targeting the same fitness market. Admittedly they have different marketing in that they run off the back of infomercials so people heading there are likely to be pre-sold. But for a guy looking to get fit/healthy, who's not going to be drawn in with this line "Ripped in 90 Days". It's not the headline but it stands out on the home page. For me it's the fitness equivalent of "hot fresh pizza delivered in 30 minutes". It does the first job which is grabbing the attention of attention deficit web surfers.

Also if you look at MuscleGainTruth and BeachBody sites the first thing you notice are lots of pics of happy/smiling and fit/ripped looking people. I'd venture to say that these have been tested and remain there for a reason. There's nothing like that on your homepage. I can understand you wanting to be different but only if it helps convert more.