Free Headline Rewrites v2

Chris Ramsey · 11-15-2009, 03:56 PM

A while back I started a pretty successful thread offering to help Warriors rewrite their headlines for free. Well, this is version 2 of that thread.

Here's how it works...

Post your current headline - or information about your product. I'll then dig into my archive of headline formula's and pull out 3-5 new headlines that should convert fairly well for you.

Pro's: You get a headline written by a full-time copywriter that specializes in attention-grabbing copy.

Cons: Because I'm not thoroughly researching your product or service market, I can't construct a headline that speaks directly to your prospects soul. What I can do is use my proven headline formulas to craft a headline that's worthy of being tested on your sales page.

As I am currently out of the US, I only have so much time online each day. It may take up to 48 hours to respond to your request (especially if there are a lot of them) so please be patient.

If any other copywriters want to join in and help me out here, I'm more than happy to let you do that.

So what do you say? Let's get the ball rolling.

Jeremy Gatica · 11-15-2009, 04:16 PM

Hi Chris here are my headline and sub headlines: ( iput both because it may be easier to combine into one or for reference)

Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!

Just Imagine Receiving A "Custom Designed" Minisite Every Week For Less Than That 6 Pack Of Energy Shots!

Thank you
Jeremy

Hugh Thyer · 11-15-2009, 04:37 PM

Without getting too picky, these headlines of yours already have major flaws in them.

1. Who thinks a minisite costs so much that it would actually have an impact on your children's inheritance? Nobody thinks it costs THAT much, so it fails to connect with the conversation that's arleady going on in your prospect's head.
2. Do your prospects have children?
3. Even if they do, are they at the point in their lives they're thinking about their children's inheritance.
4. What the hell does a 6 pack of energy shots cost? What is an energy shot anyway???

I know, your headline is a joke, trying to add some humour. Don't do this. A headline is not a joke, nor should it be clever.

Over to you Chris...

danmart · 11-15-2009, 11:20 PM

Ok here is another one... I know that it needs work....

Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.

Revolutionary New Software Puts You In Control Of Your Product Sales Campaigns!

Chris Ramsey · 11-15-2009, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeremy Gatica

Hi Chris here are my headline and sub headlines: ( iput both because it may be easier to combine into one or for reference)

Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!

Just Imagine Receiving A "Custom Designed" Minisite Every Week For Less Than That 6 Pack Of Energy Shots!

Thank you
Jeremy

I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but in the morning I'll take a quick run-through of your sales letter and see what I come up with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by danmart

Ok here is another one... I know that it needs work....

Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.

Revolutionary New Software Puts You In Control Of Your Product Sales Campaigns!

Can you provide a little more information on your product? What does it do? Who is it targeting?

danmart · 11-16-2009, 07:05 AM

The sales letter is The imBusiness Pro Product Sales Manager it is a sales program for Internet marketers that handles the entire sales process from sales page display to product delivery.

Dan

Chris Ramsey · 11-16-2009, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeremy Gatica

Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance!

How One Man Used A Professional Minisite Design To Increase Conversions By Over 2400% (You'd have to edit this to fit a true story you have)

Why A Simple $37 Investment Could Save You Hundreds And Make You Thousands

How To Increase Your Sales By XX% In The Next 24 Hours!

Chris Ramsey · 11-16-2009, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danmart

Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales.

Finally Released... Revolutionary New Software That Stops Product Pirates Dead In Their Tracks

How Much Is Product Piracy Costing Your Company?

danmart · 11-17-2009, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris Ramsey

Finally Released... Revolutionary New Software That Stops Product Pirates Dead In Their Tracks

How Much Is Product Piracy Costing Your Company?

Thanks Chris This is a much better version... I can't believe that this thread isn't getting more action!!

Dan

Jeremy Gatica · 11-17-2009, 07:21 PM

Thanks Chris and everyone else I will work on these.
Some valid points here.

Jeremy

ScoTech · 11-17-2009, 08:23 PM

This is an awesome thread Chris, Please review mine if you get a chance. It is for an ebook on saving money on flights.

"Downsized Ticket Agent Reveals How The Airlines Rip You Off And How To Save Big On All Your Flights..."

Asher · 11-18-2009, 03:02 AM

Hi Chris,

That's awfully nice of you

Here's something you could take a look at and
input your points of view as well~

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-new-post.html

Thanks~ (I'll throw the thanks button on you

)

Asher

mtucker · 11-18-2009, 07:01 AM

Hello, trying to get people to input some info to generate leads for a car salesperson. How does this sound, "Drive Away in a Nearly New Car and Don't Pay a Cent Until 2010!" and then I have the info fields below it.

Thanks for your feedback.

Chris Ramsey · 11-19-2009, 12:14 PM

Haven't had a chance to look here for a few days. Staying in a city with very little internet at the moment, so it may take a little longer than expected.

Ashley Gable · 11-25-2009, 12:30 AM

Hi Chris, Heres one from me. To get a pros point of view will no doubt be extremely helpful! This is for an ebook that shows people how to start and run an airbrush tattoo booth.

“If You're Looking At Getting Into The Airbrush Tattoo Business ... Then This Will Be The Most Important Message You'll Ever Read ...

“ In As Little As 3 Weeks (Or Less) From Today You Could Be Setup At The Most Profitable, Most Trafficked Locations In Your Area ... Making Money With Your Portable, Inexpensive And Easy-To-Run Airbrush Tattoo Booth!”

“5 Year Veteran Of The Airbrush Tattoo World Reveals The 'Secrets' To A Successful, Fun And Profitable Airbrush Tattoo Business ... From Equipment to Customer Service ... Finally Get A Complete Step-By-Step Guide To One Of The Easiest, Low Cost, Low Start Up and Hottest Businesses Available Today!”

matthewd · 11-25-2009, 10:53 AM

Hey Chris,

Great idea.

How about a headline for a guitar lesson site?

I don't have an example to show you b/c I don't have
a good headline yet.

Thanks,
Matt

Ludovic · 12-04-2009, 07:36 PM

Salespage Here
Here are two different headlines:
#1
______

WARNING! You've Just Landed On A Very Limited and Exclusive Offer That Will Allow You to Instantly Profit 100% From, As 40 Other NEW Products Are Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!

#2
_____________

11-15-2009, 03:56 PM	#1
Chris Ramsey The Wandering Businessman War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The Globe Posts: 1,209 Thanks: 142 Thanked 755 Times in 196 Posts	Free Headline Rewrites v2 A while back I started a pretty successful thread offering to help Warriors rewrite their headlines for free. Well, this is version 2 of that thread. Here's how it works... Post your current headline - or information about your product. I'll then dig into my archive of headline formula's and pull out 3-5 new headlines that should convert fairly well for you. Pro's: You get a headline written by a full-time copywriter that specializes in attention-grabbing copy. Cons: Because I'm not thoroughly researching your product or service market, I can't construct a headline that speaks directly to your prospects soul. What I can do is use my proven headline formulas to craft a headline that's worthy of being tested on your sales page. As I am currently out of the US, I only have so much time online each day. It may take up to 48 hours to respond to your request (especially if there are a lot of them) so please be patient. If any other copywriters want to join in and help me out here, I'm more than happy to let you do that. So what do you say? Let's get the ball rolling.
	Free - Instantly increase your email CTR by 200% or more... Free - How to earn $1k+ every month from local businesses...

11-15-2009, 04:16 PM	#2
Jeremy Gatica Proud Daddy! War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 694 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 48 Thanked 92 Times in 36 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Hi Chris here are my headline and sub headlines: ( iput both because it may be easier to combine into one or for reference) Custom Minisite Design No Longer Needs To Dig Into Your Children's Inheritance! Just Imagine Receiving A "Custom Designed" Minisite Every Week For Less Than That 6 Pack Of Energy Shots! Thank you Jeremy
	80.6% Opt in Rate-PROOF INSIDE! CUSTOM REPORT PACKAGES LIMITED SPOTS! Free Iphone and Android App Creation!

11-15-2009, 04:37 PM	#3
Hugh Thyer HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 316 Thanks: 76 Thanked 121 Times in 78 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Without getting too picky, these headlines of yours already have major flaws in them. 1. Who thinks a minisite costs so much that it would actually have an impact on your children's inheritance? Nobody thinks it costs THAT much, so it fails to connect with the conversation that's arleady going on in your prospect's head. 2. Do your prospects have children? 3. Even if they do, are they at the point in their lives they're thinking about their children's inheritance. 4. What the hell does a 6 pack of energy shots cost? What is an energy shot anyway??? I know, your headline is a joke, trying to add some humour. Don't do this. A headline is not a joke, nor should it be clever. Over to you Chris...
	Direct Response Copywriter For Hire Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com

11-15-2009, 11:20 PM	#4
danmart Dan Neece War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Phoenix,Arizona, USA. Posts: 79 Thanks: 7 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Ok here is another one... I know that it needs work.... Stop Thieves From Stealing Your Products And Dramatically Increase Your Product Sales. Revolutionary New Software Puts You In Control Of Your Product Sales Campaigns!

11-16-2009, 07:05 AM	#6
danmart Dan Neece War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Phoenix,Arizona, USA. Posts: 79 Thanks: 7 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 The sales letter is The imBusiness Pro Product Sales Manager it is a sales program for Internet marketers that handles the entire sales process from sales page display to product delivery. Dan
	Special Pricing on the Ultimate Marketing Package http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...marketing.html

11-17-2009, 07:21 PM	#10
Jeremy Gatica Proud Daddy! War Room Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: USA Posts: 694 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 48 Thanked 92 Times in 36 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Thanks Chris and everyone else I will work on these. Some valid points here. Jeremy
	80.6% Opt in Rate-PROOF INSIDE! CUSTOM REPORT PACKAGES LIMITED SPOTS! Free Iphone and Android App Creation!

11-17-2009, 08:23 PM	#11
ScoTech My boys can swim! War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Indiana Posts: 70 Thanks: 24 Thanked 7 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 This is an awesome thread Chris, Please review mine if you get a chance. It is for an ebook on saving money on flights. "Downsized Ticket Agent Reveals How The Airlines Rip You Off And How To Save Big On All Your Flights..."

11-18-2009, 03:02 AM	#12
Asher SG Lurker Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Singapore. Posts: 1,714 Blog Entries: 68 Thanks: 487 Thanked 280 Times in 159 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Hi Chris, That's awfully nice of you Here's something you could take a look at and input your points of view as well~ http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-new-post.html Thanks~ (I'll throw the thanks button on you ) Asher
	AsherAw.com \| How To Make Your First $1,000 In Online Income Cash

11-18-2009, 07:01 AM	#13
mtucker HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Kansas City Posts: 172 Thanks: 96 Thanked 20 Times in 18 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Hello, trying to get people to input some info to generate leads for a car salesperson. How does this sound, "Drive Away in a Nearly New Car and Don't Pay a Cent Until 2010!" and then I have the info fields below it. Thanks for your feedback.

11-19-2009, 12:14 PM	#14
Chris Ramsey The Wandering Businessman War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The Globe Posts: 1,209 Thanks: 142 Thanked 755 Times in 196 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Haven't had a chance to look here for a few days. Staying in a city with very little internet at the moment, so it may take a little longer than expected.
	Free - Instantly increase your email CTR by 200% or more... Free - How to earn $1k+ every month from local businesses...

11-25-2009, 12:30 AM	#15
Ashley Gable Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: USA Posts: 804 Thanks: 168 Thanked 87 Times in 78 Posts	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Hi Chris, Heres one from me. To get a pros point of view will no doubt be extremely helpful! This is for an ebook that shows people how to start and run an airbrush tattoo booth. “If You're Looking At Getting Into The Airbrush Tattoo Business ... Then This Will Be The Most Important Message You'll Ever Read ... *“ In As Little As 3 Weeks (Or Less) From Today You Could Be Setup At The Most Profitable, Most Trafficked Locations In Your* Area ... Making Money With Your Portable, Inexpensive And Easy-To-Run Airbrush Tattoo Booth**!” “5 Year Veteran Of The Airbrush Tattoo World Reveals The 'Secrets' To A Successful, Fun And Profitable Airbrush Tattoo Business ... From Equipment to Customer Service ... Finally Get A Complete Step-By-Step Guide To One Of The Easiest, Low Cost, Low Start Up and Hottest Businesses Available Today!”

11-25-2009, 10:53 AM	#16
matthewd Licensing Pro War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Springfield, MO Posts: 838 Thanks: 92 Thanked 44 Times in 34 Posts Social Networking	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Hey Chris, Great idea. How about a headline for a guitar lesson site? I don't have an example to show you b/c I don't have a good headline yet. Thanks, Matt

12-04-2009, 07:36 PM	#17
Ludovic HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 177 Thanks: 4 Thanked 23 Times in 9 Posts Social Networking	Re: Free Headline Rewrites v2 Salespage Here Here are two different headlines: #1 ______ WARNING! You've Just Landed On A Very Limited and Exclusive Offer That Will Allow You to Instantly Profit 100% From, As 40 Other NEW Products Are Created FOR YOU Every Single Month! #2 _____________
	[50% OFF] Warriors, Sneak Peak Inside The Best Web Based Spinner - 72HRs Only (Open Now!) USE Promo Code: 50WSOPLRSAVINGS for 50% OFF any PLR and MRR Products in our Catalog\|PLRMegaMart.com 50% Super SALE Ends(11/20) (Open Now!)