review please

borischileno · 11-17-2009, 09:27 AM

Hi, am looking for some honest reviews, good, bad or ugly.
also just for reviewing pm me I will send you a copy.

Lay it on me!
Web Traffic Magnet - Attract Targeted TRAFFIC & CASH to your site

this is a social media site, gather which I have i use to market a niche product.

cheers,

Boris

travlinguy · 11-17-2009, 10:11 AM

It's decent. The layout is eye-friendly. I'm not so sure about the 'targeted traffic and cash' bit in the headline. Most of your visitors will understand what you mean but maybe with a little tweak you can make it a little clearer.

Your opening line says, "This is hard for me to tell you but you could be losing a large number of sales and/or mailing list opt ins at this very moment in time."

Why is it hard for you to tell? Again, I know what you're getting at but there's a clearer, more thought provoking way of presenting the message.

How about, You might not want to face the facts... or, You might not want to hear this... or, deep down inside you're probably aware of... or, you might be scary-surprised to discover...

As I skimmed the copy I noted several opportunities where tweaking particular passages and lines would bring more power to the message.

Overall, a good effort. Good luck!

Ann Writes · 11-19-2009, 04:47 AM

I love the colors and graphics although I wouldn't mind a little more brightness/glow on the top of the logo. But it's a small matter.

On the whole, I feel it reads well. There are some typos (?)/mistakes with language but again, no real damage done. (That said, if it were mine, I'd make the changes).

But really, it's great work!

Best of luck!

Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter · 11-19-2009, 08:36 AM

Some layout notes:

Kill the gold main headline and go with black (#000) or red (#c00). You can try testing gold v. black but we have yet to see a headline color out-perform black/red in thousands of test for sales letters.

Get rid of the black background and use white or off white.

Lose the header image or at least test it versus a non-header style.

Some copy notes:

Tell me EARLY ON why I should trust you and what the payoff is going to be for me to read your sales letter.

Create sub-headlines that are centered, interesting and draw the eye to the page when scanned.

Replace all your "I" statements with "you" statements.

Show proof of every personal claim you make. Do you have traffic? Show me a screenshot.

Get some testimonials--the more specific results oriented the better.

Change the orientation of your sales copy. Right now it sounds as if it is coming from YOUR perspective. Nobody cares about you except your mom. Write it from the prospect's perspective. "You already know how hard it is to drive traffic to a site..." "I was just like you..." "Until I discovered..." "You can put the same tactics to work--without the heart-ache I went through..."

These changes will greatly improve the conversion rate for your page.

11-17-2009, 09:27 AM	#1
borischileno Small Business Concierge War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: 6 years in Edmonton, 6 Years in Conception,Chile Posts: 34 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	review please Hi, am looking for some honest reviews, good, bad or ugly. also just for reviewing pm me I will send you a copy. Lay it on me! Web Traffic Magnet - Attract Targeted TRAFFIC & CASH to your site this is a social media site, gather which I have i use to market a niche product. cheers, Boris
	”Àll You can Do, Is All You Can Do, But All You can do is enough” Coach Art Williams

11-17-2009, 10:11 AM	#2
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,438 Thanks: 978 Thanked 1,233 Times in 737 Posts Contact Info	Re: review please It's decent. The layout is eye-friendly. I'm not so sure about the 'targeted traffic and cash' bit in the headline. Most of your visitors will understand what you mean but maybe with a little tweak you can make it a little clearer. Your opening line says, "This is hard for me to tell you but you could be losing a large number of sales and/or mailing list opt ins at this very moment in time." Why is it hard for you to tell? Again, I know what you're getting at but there's a clearer, more thought provoking way of presenting the message. How about, You might not want to face the facts... or, You might not want to hear this... or, deep down inside you're probably aware of... or, you might be scary-surprised to discover... As I skimmed the copy I noted several opportunities where tweaking particular passages and lines would bring more power to the message. Overall, a good effort. Good luck!
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| Screamin' Deal On PLR MRR Graphics

11-19-2009, 04:47 AM	#3
Ann Writes Active Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Australia Posts: 31 Thanks: 10 Thanked 5 Times in 3 Posts Social Networking	Re: review please I love the colors and graphics although I wouldn't mind a little more brightness/glow on the top of the logo. But it's a small matter. On the whole, I feel it reads well. There are some typos (?)/mistakes with language but again, no real damage done. (That said, if it were mine, I'd make the changes). But really, it's great work! Best of luck!
	Hi! I'm an Ad! Ignore me!

11-19-2009, 08:36 AM	#4
Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter Full Frontal Lobe Nudity War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Knoxville, TN Posts: 912 Thanks: 519 Thanked 492 Times in 205 Posts Social Networking	Re: review please Some layout notes: Kill the gold main headline and go with black (#000) or red (#c00). You can try testing gold v. black but we have yet to see a headline color out-perform black/red in thousands of test for sales letters. Get rid of the black background and use white or off white. Lose the header image or at least test it versus a non-header style. Some copy notes: Tell me EARLY ON why I should trust you and what the payoff is going to be for me to read your sales letter. Create sub-headlines that are centered, interesting and draw the eye to the page when scanned. Replace all your "I" statements with "you" statements. Show proof of every personal claim you make. Do you have traffic? Show me a screenshot. Get some testimonials--the more specific results oriented the better. Change the orientation of your sales copy. Right now it sounds as if it is coming from YOUR perspective. Nobody cares about you except your mom. Write it from the prospect's perspective. "You already know how hard it is to drive traffic to a site..." "I was just like you..." "Until I discovered..." "You can put the same tactics to work--without the heart-ache I went through..." These changes will greatly improve the conversion rate for your page.
	The Miracle Squeeze Page: Scientifically Proven to Convert 84.1% of Visitors into Subscribers Works for Anybody, Any niche - It's so simple you'll wonder why everyone isn't using it Click Here Now to Download It!