Perhaps the most sexist, bravest or stupidest headline ever

[jukeboxhero]

I was just finishing up a special promo I'm doing and thought a few of you might get a kick out of my headline and graphic...

It kinda sucks at time being an online dude because I don't have a single acquaintance who has a clue what I do for a living. Thus no one to share my Nerd humor with except for the guys at warrior forum...Not that your nerds, I'm just sayin...

I've got a sneaky suspicion that my friends still think I'm a multi level marketer of sorts....They always get that "Step away from the a$$hole look" when they ask me what I do...

Nasty Headline

I may need a couch to sleep on if she see's this....It's a darn good thing I'm in real estate.

[Ken Strong]

Get rid of the blinking headline.

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by KenStrong

Get rid of the blinking headline ...

That's for sure.

And add the apostrophe you left out between the "t" and "s" of "experts" in the top headline.

[Daniel Scott]

LOL.

This thread is making me SO glad I'm single.

Anyway...

I assume this is going out to a pre-qualified list, right? People who already know you quite well and have a fair idea what your product's about... possibly people who have been "Warmed up" ala the Jeff Walker PLF?

Kind regards,

-Dan

[stevedirect]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

LOL.

I assume this is going out to a pre-qualified list, right? People who already know you quite well and have a fair idea what your product's about... possibly people who have been "Warmed up" ala the Jeff Walker PLF?

Kind regards,

-Dan

Dan,

Good point.

If this is going out to a cold audience,
the headline might seem obscure, although
it is clever.

A real estate investor might be confused...
or not particularly attracted.

As always, test it and see...

Best regards

Steve

[Mr. Subtle]

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

... thought a few of you might get a kick out of my headline and graphic...

Stealing a post from Bruce Wedding's Copywriting Board:

Eben Pagan Headline Discussion

Get to the frickin' point. I had no idea what the heck you were talking about. (Cute kid and wife though.)

.

.

[Peter.Anthony]

I like the headline, but I agree - get rid of the blinking.

re: Eban. I love his stuff, but he can be a little long winded.

[Zanti]

I'm from Michigan too and I'm telling her

[Ethan F.]

Wow.. the guy in the Eban video... he wasn't listening to anything Eban had to say.. how embarassing.

[The Copy Nazi]

Eric, the headline is a stinker. Ditto the whole premise about your wife stopping your going deerhunting because of her monthly. And the devil-horns/pitchfork/blinking subhead - begone! The devil horns should be on you, if anyone - you look cheeky in the shot whereas your wife and boy look wholesome.

You would be much better off using one of the house shots and the copy under them as headlines. Far more compelling than what you have there.

All in all, you're trying to be too cute and it doesn't work. Bite the bullet and hire a writer.

cheers, Mal.

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle

Stealing a post from Bruce Wedding's Copywriting Board:

Eben Pagan Headline Discussion

Get to the frickin' point. I had no idea what the heck you were talking about. (Cute kid and wife though.)

.

.

E-X-A-C-K-E-R-Y. And the Eben Pagan video underscores what I was saying in this thread - pique their interest with the headline.

Gary Halbert quote:

"When it comes to writing, people don't have time for your pathetic subtleties"

[David Babineau]

Eric,

Now that you do mention it, you kind of do look like an MLMer! (Haha just kidding )

I personally like it and what I like most is that... your Personality shines through! (I especially like the "Hey you overweight bastard" part...)

Anyway, best of luck with your promo.

Cheers,
Dave

[bigchezmktg]

People (especially investors) like the self-depricating stuff better. Making yourself look like the bad guy usually works better.

I've done marketing to and for real estate experts and investors for years. You're better off writing as your WIFE who, while you've gone off on "yet another hunting excuse to drink beer with your friends", she's decided to clean out one of the closets and get rid of all those binders. She's "hacked into your email" in order to let your existing list know about this OTO.

I did a similar 2-day sale writing as my husband while I was away on a speaking engagement. It sold like mad AND I had people writing me (thinking it was him), saying "I can't believe you did that behind your wife's back! Marriage is sacred! You should tell her what you've done!" HAHAHAHAHA! Gotta love loyal customers!

At any rate, make yourself the "bad guy" for the sake of sales and see what happens. I think you'll be surprised!

Rachel

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by bigchezmktg

People (especially investors) like the self-depricating stuff better. Making yourself look like the bad guy usually works better.

I've done marketing to and for real estate experts and investors for years. You're better off writing as your WIFE who, while you've gone off on "yet another hunting excuse to drink beer with your friends", she's decided to clean out one of the closets and get rid of all those binders. She's "hacked into your email" in order to let your existing list know about this OTO.

I did a similar 2-day sale writing as my husband while I was away on a speaking engagement. It sold like mad AND I had people writing me (thinking it was him), saying "I can't believe you did that behind your wife's back! Marriage is sacred! You should tell her what you've done!" HAHAHAHAHA! Gotta love loyal customers!

At any rate, make yourself the "bad guy" for the sake of sales and see what happens. I think you'll be surprised!

Rachel

I like it. You could have some fun with the head too.

"He Wants to Go Drink Beer With His Buddies and Kill Some Defenceless Deer. Should I Let Him?"

And Rachel - it's "self-deprecating".

[josspam]

But, after all... it serves its porpouse don't you think!

I didn't find it sexiest thought... mostly funny

Jocy

[Paxton]

Nothing really bad with it apart from the fact that personally I dislike any and all sales pages of this type.

Not talking about the presentation, I'm talking about the whole "I'm an expert in my field but I need to make some extra cash for ...., so I'm having a sale"

Anything like that gets my undivided attention for about a second.

[bigchezmktg]

HA! You'd think I'd have used the spellcheck before I hit "reply"! Thanks, Metro!

And it's "Defenseless".

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by bigchezmktg

And it's "Defenseless".

Only in the US.

In the rest of the English-speaking world it's "defenceless", as originally posted.

[keithng]

Cool headline and the photos too!!!

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by bigchezmktg

HA! You'd think I'd have used the spellcheck before I hit "reply"! Thanks, Metro!

And it's "Defenseless".

You're right - "Defenseless" in American spelling. "Defenceless" in English/Australian spelling. Touché!

[bigchezmktg]

Oh! You got me on a technicality! :P

[Greycap]

Most stupid.

Horny wife? Not good and the photoshopping is very poor.

Humour. Doubtful.

Deerhunting, or any kind of hunting.

Really stupid and you should lose that fast. Why? because many of your prospective clients could be vegetarians.

many more people are becoming vegetarians, so the hunting comment could send them to your non-hunting competitor. If there is one near you. Take your proud hunting reference. Many people, especially conservationists and the aforementioned vegetarians and vegans, consider all hunters to be cowards. Animals can't shoot back.

Why annoy prospects?

Give you an example. I once owned a frameshop/art gallery. During the Bush elections, one framer came in wearing a 'Vote For Bush' T-shirt.

I didn't say anything, but a friend, wiser than I, saw it and drew me to one side. Gently said it could antagonise and possibly drive away approximately 50%, of my customers who saw him. I saw the point and the employee covered up, voluntarily.

Just my take on it.

Cheers,

[mattlloyd]

Put an apostrophe between t and s . You need to delete either “help “ or “save”

[freefor15.com]

um its a little to complex for most people to understand it seems like an inside joke

but maybe thats what your looking for

[Dainis]

I dunno, basically, you are saying that your wife is a narcissistic b*tch. It may be true, it might be a joke, I had to advise a friend to seek help here once: A Shrink for Men

It's scary stuff...not really funny in my book...

[puppetmaster]

Errr.... No.

Humor has never really worked in copywriting? Humor without a product benefit? Ever more ominous.

Having said that however... Do a split test because who knows? Stranger things have become more successful!