Word choice for a Press Release (critique)

[Krasimir]

Hi fellow warriors,

Our company is announcing the development of a new online game - Riftforge. I have already done a pretty standard version of the announcement (i.e. no superlatives).

This version is a bit more "edgy" but I'm concerned that journalists reading it might find it too loaded.

Let me know what you think about the word choice and the PR in general.

Upstart MMORPG Riftforge To Challenge Genre Conventions

Summary: Riftforge introduces new technology and gameplay to a stale genre.

November 20, 2009 – Riftforge Entertainment Ltd. today announced the development of Riftforge, an ambitious fantasy online role-playing game. It challenges MMO genre conventions with deep, tactical combat, adding a significant element of player skill. Hundreds of thousands of players will be able to cooperate and compete on an unprecedented scale, thanks to a new technology platform.

"As hardcore gamers ourselves, we have been sidelined for a long time by greedy game companies that are going after the lowest common denominator," said Krasimir Koichev, Riftforge’s Producer. "The unrivaled depth of the Riftforge’s tactical combat system rewards competitive gamers for their skills, not just the time spent button mashing.”

The game world’s central location is the Riftforge, a hub structure that seemingly exists out of space and time. When the first Rift opens, players will be able to explore the immense landmass of Manirak. It is home to dozens of warring tribes, feuding city-states, and two empires fighting for supremacy.

The player creates a House (e.g. House Stark), which can send multiple commanders and their troops to combat missions. Completing missions and campaigns results in a constant progression of new skills, better equipment, and elite units.

Commanders and their troops come from the three branches of the Riftforge military: the Guardians, the Rangers, and the Raiders. Each archetype comes with its own unique commanders and units, with customizable skills, specializations, and equipment.

Features:

·Three powerful RPG archetypes to choose from: Guardian, Ranger, and Raider.
·Rare, elite, and epic units for each of the six troop types
·Dynamic frontlines across 81 areas in nine warzones
·Seven enemy factions fielding dozens of generals leading massive armies
·Deep and engaging tactical combat, within a familiar turn-based system
·A revolutionary graphics engine that combines isometric pixel artwork with Flash animations
·Playable on a variety of web-enabled devices (including smartphones like the iPhone)
·Social networking features that enable players to interact and trade, cooperate and compete.
·Includes a free-to-play MMO mode to encourage players to try the game

About Riftforge
Additional information about the Riftforge will be revealed as development progresses. Please visit the official website at www,riftforge,com for details on new playable troops, enemy armies, and war zones.

[travlinguy]

I'd say it's very good. You've done a nice job. It's written in a journalistic style rather than a glorified ad like so many PRs these days. You say: "...it challenges MMO genre..." I understand that you're writing to gamers and most probably know what MMO is, but it's always a good idea to actually spell it out and then use the acronym for those who may be new to the market and are still learning.

The only other thing that could give you heartburn with some of the PR sites out there is the features part. You've got nine listed. Some sites might take issue with that and want it cut down to three or four. Only time will tell on that. Overall, a very nice job. Good luck!

[Krasimir]

@travlinguy
Thanks for the nice words. I guess MMO should be expanded on general PR sites and game press sites can probably handle the acronym. As to the feature list, you're probably right that I'll need a shorter version - just in case.

[Tina Golden]

I think you've done a very good job. About the only thing that I would change is to add a little more about the actual company behind the product. Perhaps something about how long they've been developing games or things like that? That seems to lend a bit more credibility to me.

The whole piece reads very nicely, though, without seeming like an advertisement. The game sounds pretty cool, too!

Tina

[avani]

I second the comments so far - very well-written piece. Clear that you know what you are talking about, and the advertisement component is pitched at just the right level - encouraging without getting obnoxiously loud.

Just a couple of (small) nits: I would be keen on knowing what exactly the new technology platform is. It may be just one short follow up sentence with a piece of jargon, but it will make sense to a small fraction of your readers who will be impressed, those curious will look it up. It will also substantiate the claim and not allow the feeling of "oh, this is what everyone says to sound cool these days" to be a reaction

Further, a word upfront on where the game is supported (the PC, a bunch of gaming devices, etc) would make the account more complete. Since I'm not into gaming at all, I don't know if this makes sense, but I often see gaming DVDs categorized in stores that I walk into, hence the question. I understand that PSPs and Xboxes do support MMO games, so it'll be nice to know if this works all over the place (and is a good excuse to boast a bit?). I see later that it's supported on the iphone, etc, in the features list, but perhaps some emphasis earlier couldn't hurt.

Anyway, give yourself a pat, nice work!


Cheers,
Avani

[Krasimir]

Excellent comments, I'll try to expand on the points you raise. The company is a start-up, so no much history there but maybe it's worth pointing it out.

My plan is to issue a separate press release that covers important distinctions like the technology platform and the supported devices (the game will be playable on anything with browser so all PCs, Macs, smartphones, etc.) in more depth.

Thanks again!

[mghowell]

A little off subject, but does anyone have any recommendations as to where are the best places to post press releases. Any help is much apreciated.

[SocialMediaExpert]

This game looks awesome! Just one little thing I noticed. You finished kind of abruptly. When I write a press release, I always cover the 5 W's. Maybe at the end, mention where this game can be bought and in what regions of the country, if not all, it is sold.

Give your customers more info.

Also, I agree with TMG Enterprises about the boiler plate (company information at the end of a press release). It should include more information about the overall goal of the company. Use anchor texts when linking to your site.

Great job!

[marciayudkin]

Your verb choice in the headline is too ambiguous.

Upstart MMORPG Riftforge To Challenge Genre Conventions

"To challenge" means in the future, not now. So this is a mighty weird headline. What is the "now" news? If you have released something that is available now, you should say "Challenges" instead.

Likewise, in the following, there is a key ambiguity:

Riftforge Entertainment Ltd. today announced the development of Riftforge, an ambitious fantasy online role-playing game.

Are you announcing that this game is in development or that it is released? If the latter, say so. If you mean the former, this is again a mighty weird announcement.

I'm sorry if this comes across as nit-picking, but people read your headline and lead very quickly and make their decision whether or not to read more in a split second. If they are not sure what you mean, they simply go on to the next release.

I did not read the rest of the release, but I hope this feedback is helpful to you.

Marcia Yudkin

[SuzanneR]

I'm not the target audience--so this all sounds like Greek to me. However, it's probably exciting news to your niche. In my opinion you need to be more specific in the headline about what kind of challenge to the industry you pose.

What is the most important change? The ability for more players to participate? The tactical technology? Whatever it is, mention it in the headline and make them lick their chops.