Hate on My Landing Page

[LondonPaladin]

I've been a member of this forum for a little while and I've been hesitant to ask for any critiques, but I think I'm ready.

I still need to do a ton of work on my sales page, so please just look at my landing/email capture page.

I have had a few sales with the current format, but not nearly enough.

My site is www.paladinseduction.com ---> NEW SITE http://www.organicseduction.com/products/sales/

What do you think of the new site. Does it need more pics or video? I can put those up tomorrow.

[Alex Cohen]

While it's true you have to "sell" even a free report, your squeeze page is way too long.

Try this format. I recently got a 50% opt-in rate with JV traffic ...

7 Little-Known Copywriting Tactics to Instantly Boost Your Sales

Be sure to make your bullets as powerful as possible.

Alex

[signupmakemoney]

Adding a video is a great way to connect to people.

I agree with Alex that the shorter the better. I get annoyed by landing pages that are a mile long. Getting straight to the point usually works.

Check out my landing page:

[kimperino1985]

The page is very long. Put some color in the back ground of the page. Use some pictures and decrease the font size. Make it more realistic than a simple word document.

[NicholasCarter]

Put a video it will help increase conversions

[zachary0611]

Looks like David Deangelo landing page

[Jim Gillum]

Just look at Alex's landing page .....Good example......

[MillionaireMonkey]

Ppl always say to keep the email form "above the fold." Now go and AMOG those AFCs!

[ghyphena]

I don't know if the problem is "too long" per se... I think part of the problem is that what you're actually selling in the copy isn't the free report you're asking them to get at the end.

In your copy, in seems like you're setting up to sell your paid product. Then at the end you just stick in the "free report" - and this creates a disconnect. I have no clue where this free report came from... is it the "ebook" you've been telling me about... or something else....

If you don't want to change your entire squeeze page, I suggest you at least tie in the giveaway to the main product you talk about.

Something like: Here's a free sample of the stuff that's in my book... blah, blah, blah.

NB It does look a *lot* (copy-wise) like the DYD copy.

Gil-Ad

[Ronak Shah]

If it's a squeeze page, you must use bullet points. Bullet points are very powerful.

There's no way you can use long text to just get opt-in subscribers because the bounce rates on long pages of web content are very high. It completely sounds like you are selling a product when you just want opt-in subscribers.

People don't really want to read long text. They want short, precise and comprehensive text that tells them what they will receive from reading what you've to say / offer. One the web, time is really precious and you must value your reader's time in the most effective manner to get higher conversions. It does not take a second for a reader to close the page and move on. Be careful.

No doubt, the piece of copy is great (I like the style) but there is so much text that it makes it sound too long. The text IS definitely too long. You got to spice it up correctly and shorten the length.

I second Alex's page. I can redo the page for you if you want.

[Rubes]

G'day mate,

Ok here is what I suggest from top of page to bottom;

What is your products name? I cannot find it anywhere, even at the bottom of the page. This will come in handy later down the line if people like the product and want to refer it to a friend, obviously they need a name.

There is not one image on your page, and no colour, it makes me want to leave because of all the text.

You are making claims on your page but where is your proof. Get some testimonials and back as much as you can up. If you don't people will just think you're bs.

Perhaps add a product image in your opt in box, which boosts something value and makes people feel like they are actually getting something of worth, rather than just the name of the product.

Hope that helps.

[LondonPaladin]

OK guys. I have taken in a ton of your advice. I have made some changed to the landing page and posted it here.

Sales | How to Attract Women : Dating Tips: Organic Seduction

Before I make it live on my other site I wanted to get some new opinions.
I am trying to keep it short and sweet as my focus is building my list with my free guide.

I did model it on Alex's page.

Do you think I should add more pics/video?
I should be able to record a video today or tomorrow, but I wanna see what else is missing.

A popover might appear as well, that's only because it's on my other site. So just X out of that and ignore it.
Cheers thanks for the advice!!!

[PPCme]

Lots of text - no enticing images - very small width.