Is this sales page too hype-y?

[techdiva]

I wrote this sales letter for a friend of mine. They own a local roofing company and a couple of folks they talked to believe it is "over the top" even though everything I wrote about is a true case history.

The purpose is to push the concept of roof leaks cause long term problems that sometimes only professionals can find and people with water problems need to contact my friends for free inspection.

Could some of you guys please take a look and let me know what you think? Is it too over the top? Or am I close?
Roofing Contractors - Charlotte NC | Roof Leak, Roof Repairs and Roof Installations

[Johnny12345]

Yes, it's a bit "hypey." I really think what you've got here is a good first draft. All the "raw materials" you need are present -- you just need to refine them.

Your headline and a couple of your subheads are a little bit over-the-top. For example, your headline -- “The Truth About Your Roof Leak May Shock You...” instantly makes me suspicious of you. It's too much.

I'd kill it and simply use the following, instead...

Discover How A "Little Roof Leak" Can Not Only Damage Your House, But Also Lead To Chronic Health Problems...

(Note: I wouldn't include the contractor's name/quote attribution -- it looks kind of hokey.)

And please note that you have to be careful when using fear. If you scare people too much their fear may paralyze them and result in them doing nothing.

And what's up with that HUGE header?! It needs to be shorter, so more of the copy is pulled upward (above the fold). And, for that matter, I'd much rather see a real photo than one which has been filtered in Photoshop.

Finally, you have an unusual way of bolding the first few words of each sentence. It's as if you're not sure if it's a bullet point with added explanation or a subhead. I think you need to reorganize your copy.

As I said, it's a very good first draft.

Hope this helps.

Regards,

Johnny

[techdiva]

Thanks for your help. I will work on rewording some of the headlines and subheads.

The bold of each paragraph lead sentence is an experiment to see if I can pull people's eyes further down the page by going from one paragraph to another. They are not bullet points or subheads. Just content. But I made you look!

The big header is because the template page originally started out for a regular website but got modified into a sales style page later. And the image is modified because my friends got permission from past owners (former clients) to add image to their portfolio. But the home is now owned by some else (who they do not have permission from.)

Using fear because when my friend first told me this story and showed me the photos, I was kind of shocked myself that so much damage can happen from a little water seeping in a house over time (less than a year).

In fact, I feel it's the lack of fear ("It's just a tiny, little roof leak...how much can it hurt?") that makes homeowners put off getting repairs done quickly enough. Of course if they are on the brink of losing their home, this will make no difference to them.

But hopefully a kick in the pants to folks who are "stuck" (can't move or sell house due to down market). Since they want to keep their home in best "sellable" condition as possible.

Thanks again for the ideas.

[Johnny12345]

Originally Posted by techdiva

The bold of each paragraph lead sentence is an experiment to see if I can pull people's eyes further down the page by going from one paragraph to another. They are not bullet points or subheads. Just content. But I made you look!

I looked because I'm a copywriter and I thought it seemed a bit odd. It's not the way I would do it. But it was a nice try.

The big header is because the template page originally started out for a regular website but got modified into a sales style page later. And the image is modified because my friends got permission from past owners (former clients) to add image to their portfolio. But the home is now owned by some else (who they do not have permission from.)

So go to iStockPhoto.com, pay $1, and get a new picture.

Using fear because when my friend first told me this story and showed me the photos, I was kind of shocked myself that so much damage can happen from a little water seeping in a house over time (less than a year).

In fact, I feel it's the lack of fear ("It's just a tiny, little roof leak...how much can it hurt?") that makes homeowners put off getting repairs done quickly enough. Of course if they are on the brink of losing their home, this will make no difference to them.

But hopefully a kick in the pants to folks who are "stuck" (can't move or sell house due to down market). Since they want to keep their home in best "sellable" condition as possible.

I didn't say not to use fear. I just said that it has to be used carefully.

It's like a single-edged shaving blade. With a light touch, you can get a nice, clean shave. But, press too hard... and you're on the way to the emergency room.

It's a matter of degree.

Thanks again for the ideas.

No problem. Glad I could help.

Just spend some more time refining it. You've got a very good start.

-Johnny

[KristiDaniels]

I don't think "hype" is the problem either.

I don't know the market very well, but I think you have the basics just fine.

Clean up the fonts and the weird picture at the top. Get the contact form at the bottom set up to feed back into an optimization engine and start testing.

This one will be tough to call without testing.

[techdiva]

Paul McQuillan said:

"You are banking everything on the roof leak. What
if they don't know they have one or what if they have
other issues with the roof?"

People may have other issues like swollen shingles, missing shingle, moss growth, etc. But roofs are like your shoes: unless they have water seepage or a visible hole, almost no one calls for preemptive repairs.

"Most people with water pouring into their home will get
it looked at. They're are not sitting on the fence."

True...but almost all roof leaks seem quite minor at first...a damp spot here or there, a drop of water from a light fixture, or a basement that never stays quite dry (bad gutters and drain into a foundation) or a mildew smell. Most roof leaks aren't pouring water into a house.

But even then, most people think they have to have the entire roof replaced to fix a leak (which varies), and in today's economy, this makes putting down a bucket in that spare bedroom once every 3 mos seem like a cheap alternative to calling a pro.


But thanks for your feedback. After working on it some more, I will let the public tell me if it will truly tank or not. After all in the roofing business just 2 to 4 sales a month adds up to a good deal of money for my friends.

Thanks

[Scott Murdaugh]

I'm going to be a little tough on you... Don't take it personally, this is my opinion.

Both Paul and Johnny raise very real concerns. The headline is too much. The fear is wrong. The entire angle is off.

I want to complain about the bolding of the intro to every paragraph but it's the least of your worries. I'll complain anyways. You bold to draw attention. If you try to draw my attention to the next paragraph before I read the current one, you're missing the point.

You see bullets bolded like that a lot. It's because the bolded part is designed to hit a certain nerve with the reader, and if they're interested they can read it, if not they can move on.

Your emphasis is on mundane stuff, so it kills the effect.

Okay, on to the letter.

I wouldn't use the standard IM pitch page for roofing. And this is coming from a guy who uses standard pitch pages all of the time.

It's too much for the target market. Lose all hype. Lose the IM layout. Make it more of an advertorial type of feel. Educate the reader while selling them.

I get what you're trying to do... And I know the story is true. But it's too much. No one is going to believe that a little leak is going to destroy their home. It's too far out there.

You're also killing credibility by not using real names with the story. I think you need to ditch the "leak" angle completely...

Focus on something like a free inspection, and if there are any serious problems it's probably covered by their insurance, which 99.999999% of your qualified prospects should have.

And yeah, it's too "hype-y".

A few examples...

Why waste your hard earned money or risk your family home to just anybody?

Why are you better than "anybody"?

Go with an experienced professional and get your roofing construction done right the first time.

I don't know your experience level. And there's no proof that you'll do it right the first time.

You can turn to us with trust and confidence.

Good. The last guy who ripped me off told me "I'm untrustworthy, and I'm going to overcharge you for shoddy work"...

I'm being sarcastic, but you give me no reason to believe you.

Big promises without proof = hype. So yeah, you've got a hype problem.

But you've got other problems as well. It tries too hard. It misses the right nerves to hit. In my opinion, it's way off base for the average home owner to connect with.

I think you're missing the mark. Are you trying to convince just any home owner to hire you? It may be smarter to be convincing people looking for roofing services why they should hire you over the competition.

Just a few thoughts.

Good luck.

-Scott

[techdiva]

Thanks everyone for the ideas and advice.

Chancer

[Sparhawke]

I have just read quickly through it as a complete layman to this kind of thing and without even reading the responses of others I see some glaring problems:

Are we being alarmists? Not really. It has been our experience during 25 years of combined roofing and construction experience, that a seemingly minor issue like a roof leak, if left unattended and unrepaired, can often develop into a very expensive and time-consuming project.

--

To have ALL your questions answered in terms you can understand by a specialist with over 25 years in roofing and home construction.

--

(first yellow box)
Our team of professionals have been in the roofing industry since 1987. We have done roof installations on everything from commerial buildings to multi-million dollar homes to small, single-family bungalows.

--

Dependable and reliable service. Go with an experienced professional and get your roofing construction done right the first time.

--

We here at LCM Builders are not the biggest roofing company in Charlotte NC nor are we just 2 guys with a pickup truck and a ladder either. We have over 25 combined years of experience in roofing and general contracting and construction. So we take our time and do the job right.

So, how many times are you going to bang on about having over 20 years of experience in the industry to fall back on?

You keep on repeating the same 3-4 things all the way down the page, I personally think it is unnecessary and would've given up at about a third of the way down if I hadn't forced myself to look.

And another thing, pointing out potential disasters and using fear to drive people to their chequebooks constantly makes you look at best like an amateur salesman and at worst a conman

Sorry if you think me harsh but tough lol, I believe it stating the honest, brutal truth rather than couching it and softening the blow, I am not a yes-man

[techdiva]

Okay...I keep getting nailed for using "fear". First of all fear is a valid human emotion just like any other used in writing, like joy, humor, etc. This salesletter is targeted towards people who already have a roof leak but for one reason or another are sitting on the fence on calling someone out to look at it.

Explaining the facts taken from a true case study (hey the family mentioned in the letter settled out of court after losing their home due to extensive mold and mildew problems.) All this from a few roof leaks. No joke. But fear is a sign of a con artist...give me a break.

For example, when I was first diagnosed with diabetes, my doctor asked me to go to a 'diabetic information course" where they would tell how to handle my disease.

The whole 6 weeks I went there...only one person talked to me about the long term negative consequences of my problem. And that was when I was alone with the instructor for the single private session they offered. In open classes they never talked about it.

Let me tell you, every person with diabetes in that class was already scared. We didn't have to have anyone use "fear" to convince us something was wrong. But since every professional was afraid to be upfront about the risks for blindness, amputations, heart attacks, ED, mental fogs, etc. no one talked to us about would really happen if we didn't get a handle on this disease.

So lots of people left the class thinking..."well, gosh this diabetes stuff is not as bad as I thought it was". I know, I heard them talking to others as we left class.

Okay, I understand that I have lots of work to do on this project...but how is telling people the truth...that water leaks into your home will eventually (sooner than most people think because of acid rain and compressed wood building materials) cause wood rot and grow unwanted molds and mildews. All of which can damage your house and your health.

If they have a roof leak, no matter how small, they already are afraid...I'm just trying to push them off the fence into calling for a free inspection. And yes, I understand they can't be frightened forever so this letter will not work for everyone but I am not aiming for everyone with a roofing issue. Just those souls with an obvious leak.

..and the thing with me "banging on" about 25 years is because most roofing and construction companies don't last that long (at least now where I live) and I want people to feel like they can trust my friends to do a good job for them.

[Sparhawke]

You mention that your doctor told you that you had diabetes, it is nowhere near the same thing since he is actually medically certified to be able to give you that information.

A salesman or builder is not, all they can do is keep on stressing that a house is going to fall down if you absolutely do not buy the product they are offering you right now and keep using pressure tactics in that way.

I could set myself up as a builder tomorrow, write a pretty website as the one you just presented and outsource the work to anyone who looks good while carrying a hammer, it is slightly more difficult to get into a surgery room lol

Giving people the facts is all very well and good, but there is the point where it becomes a hardsell and people will turn off, luckily you did it before anyone has even seen a builder from your company so they know just what to expect, kudos on that

~~~

By all means mention that your company has been in business a good long while with a solid reputation, but if you keep on repeating that constantly people will start to wonder what, if anything there is anything you are covering up and it will simply start to become counter productive...

[Daniel Scott]

I love how you ask for a critique then ignore everyone who gives you advice... especially when a lot of it is right.

To anyone else who is reading this, here's my lesson of the day/week/whatever...

You have to learn to talk to your market in the way that resonates with them.

Think of a woman who has an abusive husband... especially if the abuse is subtle.

You can't just go and say to them "Hey, your husband's a dick, divorce him already"... even though it's true.

You have to start where their headspace is and lead them to the solution.

So whether what you're saying is true or not isn't the issue... the issue is that it won't resonate with your target market... certainly not in print, and certainly not the way you've written it.

You tried something a bit "out there"... kudos for that. But in my professional opinion, I don't think it'll work nearly as well as it could if you used a different approach.

-Dan

[Daniel Scott]

By the way... the fear point to use here is the whole credibility thing, which you've attempted but haven't pulled off.

You need testimonials from satisfied clients... not a list of where you've done repairs.

You need to tell us WHY you've been in business so long... what makes you different... what guarantees you have.

That's the key point to hit here. You need to overcome that inertia somehow.

-Dan

[John M Kane]

I'd like to suggest you set up a Free download or snail mail "Tips booklet" on these roofing issues.
Problems about if it is let go too long, how to select a qualified repairman, etc.

Then get printed copies into the hands of local welcome wagon groups.
Grocery bill boards,free press newspapers, etc.
Also, hook up with a local certified "home inspector".
Work out some kind of referral/bird dog deal with them.

Get the roofer to record a short video discussing and showing the damage that results from letting the leak go on too long and put that on the site.

Having them show live action results like in those damage photos would get the message to hit home quite effectively.

JMHO get rid of the house photo and only have a killer headline above the fold.

Those damage photos shortly after a headline that works.

What that headline is I have know idea without learning more from the contractor.
"Fix that Tiny Roof Leak Now Before It Turns into a $15,000 Repair Nightmare"
"Tiny Leaks Can Quickly Turn Into An Expensive Repair Headache"
"Make Sure Your Home is Ready to Sell.Let Us Inspect the Roof for Leaks"
The contractor has to see for himself anyway so might as well sell the free inspection although I hate the idea of Free.

When they inspect if they see anything unusual that they can't handle then a referral to the "Certified Inspector" would get a lead.

OR just have a squeeze page for the free tips booklet/guide.

Again JMHO pull the LCM logo off the top and stick it on the bottom.
That doesn't convince anyone of anything.

Maybe hookup with some real estate agents too but, there might be legal issues with that.
People that are selling their homes might be approached also.
Condo associations,rental apartment owners, etc.

This would be a prime candidate to get on Google's Local Search service
https://www.google.com/accounts/Serv...hl=en-US&gl=US
Over all I feel way too much info is on the site.
Try fitting all the crucial points on a post card. Then 'slightly' expand that for the site.

You are only selling them on an appointment NOT to close the deal.
Do some testing with rotating pages. Long copy vs short.

I'd say read the letter and constantly ask, "so what" and "why them"
Any bullet you have you should ask,"can any other of contractor say the same thing?"
Like "Dependable and reliable service." They all say that yes?
Go through the bullets and reduce them. JMHO they are way too wordy.
This is a service that you couldn't(well highly improbable) sell it with the best copy on the planet. An inspection needs to be done before any deal is done.

Hope this is at least some what coherent as it is late sunday night and I'm tired
Also I hope it was slightly helpful as well.Yeah, a bit wordy here too
Good luck.

[DougBarger]

Originally Posted by Daniel Scott

By the way... the fear point to use here is the whole credibility thing, which you've attempted but haven't pulled off.

You need testimonials from satisfied clients... not a list of where you've done repairs.

You need to tell us WHY you've been in business so long... what makes you different... what guarantees you have.

That's the key point to hit here. You need to overcome that inertia somehow.

-Dan

That's a good idea. If your friends will do this, have them contact
those on the list of the repairs they've done and ask them to answer
a brief feedback form "to help us provide a better experience in the future".

Explain to them if they're willing to do this, you'll give them
x% off any future work and they agree to allow you to use
their testimonials on your marketing materials.

This will show your existing/previous clients you care enough to
value their feedback and they're likely to reciprocate with
"helpful" testimonials because of your offer to give them a discount
on future work.

After you have received them, you now have plenty of social proof ammo
to use. If they can include a picture as an attachment via email along
with their completed form, that will be nice to use with the testimonial too.

Give them a date they need to have it returned in order to claim
their voucher for future savings which will motivate them to return
the feedback form and picture faster and give you the materials you
need to feature their testimonials on your salespage.

You may even suggest you'll feature their organization on your website
for added exposure for them to frame what you're doing anyway as a way to sweeten the deal for them for taking just a few minutes to help you out.

I agree with the suggestions of decreasing the size of the header in order to maximize the area above the fold with your headline.

Instead of bolding the first few words of those sentences,
you may decide to use some sub-heads above your points there
or put them in benefit form.

That will provide the needed visual relief you are going for
along with giving plenty of reasons why acting now benefits your reader.

I also agree with the suggestion to inject urgency, giving your reader
the reasons to act right now instead of anytime later.

Make sure to have your reader picture their new peace of mind
after having your service done using visual words.

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Paul is brilliant.

This is the problem with so many sales pages I see up for review here. There is an assumption (a wrong assumption) that every product is best sold with a long-form sales page.

Always ask:

Who is the prospect?
What is their problem?
How do you solve it?
Why would they hire you to solve it?
What will move them to act?

If you survey past customers and find out why they hired you for their roofing problem then you are on your way.

(By the way Paul, feel free to quote me on that first line...)

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

hmmm... I don't know if hype is the problem.

You are banking everything on the roof leak. What
if they don't know they have one or what if they have
other issues with the roof?

Most people with water pouring into their home will get
it looked at. They're are not sitting on the fence.

If they are waiting it's probably for a reason (maybe financial)

Do most people think it's no big deal? What gives you
that idea? I would consider it a MAJOR issue

This page has no 'push' if they were on the fence.

You invite me to contact LCM, why should I?

The wound you are trying to aggravate will hit very, very
few.

This page will tank

[webwriter]

I've read this letter as a potential customer whose roof is over 25 yeers old and who is in the process of getting estimates from reputable roofers.

Here are my suggestions:

- Begin your letter addressing your customer's concern/problem. Perhaps you can use the question posed after the anecdote about a family's problems with a bad roof.

- Then after briefly mentioning that you, a reputable roofer, can solve problems such as a leaky/damaged roof and have had x number of years in doing just that, document it with a short description of one family's problem. Maybe "before" and "after" photos will convince potential clients to contact you.

- Show examples (photos) of new roofs that you can install accompanied by a brief description of materials used.

- Following that, make an offer. You can, for example, state that you will provide a free estimate. Include an 800 phone number and address for easier customer contact.

[marciayudkin]

Let me mention one point I didn't see brought up in the previous critiques.

Are you aiming this at residential customers? From the copy, it seems so. Then why is there a long, long list of commercial customers? To me as a residential customer who wants to deal with a company that is going to take me seriously as a customer, that list is a huge turnoff. I know it's there for credibility, but to me, it actually conveys the message that residential customers do not count.

And for what it's worth, my husband and I actually had two roofing companies come to give us a free estimate during the summer. Why? We knew when our house was built but didn't know for sure if our current roof is the original roof. We wanted to replace the roof before it starts to go. Both roofers told us the roof is fine, and they explained why. We've saved their cards for later.

From our experience, I tend to agree with those who said that this service doesn't need a long song and dance to sell the customers on requesting a free inspection. Most important, in my view:

* state licenses
* years in business
* a few testimonials
* residential or commercial roofing
* is there a free inspection/estimate

That's it. That's all the size of a 1/4 page Yellow Pages ad.

Marcia Yudkin

[marciayudkin]

And P.S. Your asterisk on the bottom - "results not typical" in fine print - is now illegal. You'd better read up on the new FTC regulations. If the results are not typical, you must say so clearly right where you make your point and not in a little notice on the bottom. You must also explain the typical results.

Marcia Yudkin

[jukeboxhero]

Maybe someones already covered this but you need to review what other contractors in your market are doing then cut out what doesn't work, and add some of your own.

My guess is that your one of the only people doing long form sales copy for construction.

My advice would be. Put together a free video that pertains to preventing your prospects biggest pain coming to fruition.

Use an email only squeeze single opt on the front end. Drive them to a sandwhich page with your video on it. This is where you SHOW your the expert rather than trying to convince people you are the expert.

Then offer a second piece of link bait for a name, phone, email from that point.

I've had great success with in all of my undertakings.

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

Kevin, I started to cry after reading that....

Quote it? That may be the name of my new website

p.s. I am available for any future muti-million dollar projects

Just checked with Danica Patrick and she says your domain is available:

[Sparhawke]

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

Maybe someones already covered this but you need to review what other contractors in your market are doing then cut out what doesn't work, and add some of your own.

My guess is that your one of the only people doing long form sales copy for construction.

My advice would be. Put together a free video that pertains to preventing your prospects biggest pain coming to fruition.

Use an email only squeeze single opt on the front end. Drive them to a sandwhich page with your video on it. This is where you SHOW your the expert rather than trying to convince people you are the expert.

Then offer a second piece of link bait for a name, phone, email from that point.

I've had great success with in all of my undertakings.

Personally I wouldn't mention the competition, there is absolutely no reason to give a person a long list of names unless they ask for it. That comes after they have contacted you, and if there is a service you cannot provide. There is nothing worse right now about an advert for ASDA right now in England (Americans would know them as partnered with Walmart) that keep on saying how much cheaper they are than Tescos, Morrisons, Sainsburys...and I think it is absolutely the wrong way to go.

Mentioning the competition in advertising is ALWAYS bad.

It is not important, if people are looking at your advert then advertise to them and don't use it simply as a vehicle to slag off another company or their pricing structure.

[jaiganeshv]

It looks like a digital download sales page..

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Originally Posted by Sparhawke

Mentioning the competition in advertising is ALWAYS bad.

I don't know...

I'm considering doing it in a piece of copy I am writing this week...

and I'm pretty sure Verizon is doing well with "There's a Map for That" which is an obvious allusion to AT&T/Apple iPhone.

As my momma ALWAYS said:

Originally Posted by Kevin's Momma

"Always" is always wrong. "Never" is never right.

Bless her soul.

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

I've had great success with in all of my undertakings.

You are my hero.

[Sparhawke]

Obviously I didn't mean that saying "this is the best coke on the planet because...." is wrong

I meant that saying "Pepsi is the best coke on the planet because coca-cola sucks a ducks ass" might not be the best way to go forward...

Mention the competition if you must in a round-about way, just do not focus on them.

[Sam Mlambo]

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

It is not important? says who?

Like Kevin said, a lot of huge brands go head to head. In my
opinion this can work well if you can differentiate your
offering from the competition.

I agree with this statement here. If you can position your product/service in a unique way within the marketplace then you shouldn't shy away from competition. You don't have the mention the companies by name, you can allude to the companies' USP then show how your offer differs and possibly how it's better.

Don't pretend that your top 3 competitors in your market don't exist. You want to effectively position your product/service in the mind of your prospects. To do so you might have to mention your competitors.

I recommend checking out Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind by Jack Trout and Al Ries, for further knowledge

[jukeboxhero]

Originally Posted by Sparhawke

Personally I wouldn't mention the competition, there is absolutely no reason to give a person a long list of names unless they ask for it. That comes after they have contacted you, and if there is a service you cannot provide. There is nothing worse right now about an advert for ASDA right now in England (Americans would know them as partnered with Walmart) that keep on saying how much cheaper they are than Tescos, Morrisons, Sainsburys...and I think it is absolutely the wrong way to go.

Mentioning the competition in advertising is ALWAYS bad.

It is not important, if people are looking at your advert then advertise to them and don't use it simply as a vehicle to slag off another company or their pricing structure.

I wasn't speaking of "Mentioning your competitors" I was talking about looking at your competitors marketing pieces to give you some insight into what the public is used to seeing.

From a mentioning the competition standpoint, sometimes its good, sometimes its bad.

It's good if you know that your prospects are shopping everyone in town and just on the edge of making a buying decision...Well along the "kickin tires path"

It's bad to mention if you have buyers who are ready to make a decision RIGHT NOW...and you are catching them before they have had the opportunity to see that you actually have competition.

[jukeboxhero]

Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter

You are my hero.

Wow..That's kinda cool.

Did I ever tell you how cute you are? I'm just sayin...

I've spent all evening trying to Zoom your forum image and it keeps getting distorted...

Perhaps since I'm your new hero you could send me something a bit more revealing lol.

[The Copy Nazi]

The information presented in the body copy is quite interesting. BUT it's going to be a battle to get people to read that far with that less-than-exciting headline and that strange-looking graphic. You'd be much better off starting with a shot of a broken roof or a mildewed attic or wall than that existing graphic. It's WAY too large too.

"Read on to discover..." looks very arty in that drop-shadow font but it's a bugger to read.

And then you need to cut to the chase. So...how about you start with something like (off the top of my head...this isn't my gig so I'm not gonna sweat it) -

"We Thought It Was Just a Tiny Roof Leak...Hardly Worth Worrying About..."

Leading it to your yarn about the mold affecting their health etc. BUT it needs to be supported by a dramatic shot of damaged walls and ceilings - I mean a Total Horror-Show. Perhaps one of the 4 you have will do. Or run them all. Even better - have a shot of the lady of the house in tears looking at the damage or both Mum & Dad holding their hands over their faces in shock at the damage that's reavealed to them by the roofing worker (wearing the Company logo on his shirt).

The page doesn't need a whole lot to get it to work. You've made a very good start. Just needs to be tweaked here and there. cheers, Mal.

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

Mal, I agree. Sometimes simple and to the point is the best. I
would add a little something to spike interest-

"We Thought It Was Just a Tiny Roof Leak...Hardly Worth Worrying About...Then it Happened"

Good thinking 99. An even better one might be -

"We Thought It Was Just a Tiny Roof Leak. Hardly Worth Worrying About. Until One Night ..."

yeah...I like it...that'll work a treat. O.P. - that'll be $1,000 split between Paul and I.

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Originally Posted by Metronicity

yeah...I like it...that'll work a treat. O.P. - that'll be $1,000 split between Paul and I.

Can I get something for being your muse?

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

I'll give you $10 for the pics you sent over of you doing that
pole dance, but I prefer a red thong over white(ish) next
time....

I meant to send those to JukeBoxHero.

Originally Posted by jukeboxhero

Wow..That's kinda cool.

Did I ever tell you how cute you are? I'm just sayin...

I've spent all evening trying to Zoom your forum image and it keeps getting distorted...

Perhaps since I'm your new hero you could send me something a bit more revealing lol.

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter

I meant to send those to JukeBoxHero.

"A Career in Pole-Dancing? You Can Do It. We'll Show You How To Shake Your Bootie Baby!"

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

I'm on page 154

Originally Posted by Metronicity

"A Career in Pole-Dancing? You Can Do It. We'll Show You How To Shake Your Bootie Baby!"

[BrianMcLeod]

Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan

That piece is a fold-out too!

Talk about limber...

On first read, I thought you said LUMBER.

Ew.