Desperately need this Squeeze page critique!!

[smak]

Hi Wariors

I had this squeeze page crtiqued before here and got poor feedback,fair enough because it was poor.

But now having redone the copy and made it more cleaner,could you kindly review/critique it,much appreciated.

Here is the webadress:
www.youronlinecashempire.com


Thanks in advance.


Smak

[Ashley Gable]

First off, you are going to get a lot of people tell you to move the form above the fold. Its just one of the key points of a squeeze page.

Also "Free bonus Report", what is bonus about it? If this is their first time at your site, then it isnt a bonus, its just free. Dont know how that will affect your optin rate though. Test it.

Also "And its much easier than you think!" doesnt do much for me either. It is kind of beige or bland. "Much" isnt a very powerful word, so it doesnt convey the sense of "simplicity" which is what I am guessing you want.

You got the main feel though, nice and clean, simple ... just enough to entice them.

[travlinguy]

It looks like a million other opt-in pages. I don't know what the newbie or the general public at large thinks when they see money swirling around in the air and a picture of a hot car, but to me that stuff looks cheesy.

I also wonder about claims of a million dollar Internet business. Do people actually believe that a free report is going to lead them in that direction? I understand that anything is possible but stuff like this seem over the top to me.

I agree that bonus isn't what you want to say because bonus implies there's something else being offered. One of your bullets says "multiple strategies for selling online..."

What I'd do is pick the most dynamic of those strategies and build the opt-in pitch around it. Make it sound special. Write it up so the reader is just itching to find out what it is. Then you can 'also include' the rest of it.

People need a compelling reason to turn over their name and email addy and in my opinion, you haven't even come close to providing that reason. Good luck.

[wrcato2]

Firstly you need to put your opt-in form at the top or top right or top left.
Second the site looks pretty good for a squeeze page. I would get rid of or split test your squeeze page for the "Bonus Report". You are giving away a quality report for contact info only.

they get the report, you get to make contact.

I personally would leave the bonus, but give a bonus. Give them a quality ecourse or another report that is relevant to why they sign up. A video will also do.
You need to give and give and give... before you recieve. this is the price of doing business on the internet.
Hope this helps

[webwriter]

Overall, I think you've done a good job. Your page is attractive and your list of items is very tempting.

However, I would write something like, "You'll learn ......" instead of the statement. Maybe two or three items can then be edited. You might try more specific words such as "reasons" instead of "explanations."

Good luck!

[Glassjaw009]

Overall, as I'm looking at the site, I don't see any problem with the design aspect of it. It looks pretty good. You've got the hardest part down. The best copy in the world isn't going to do anything if you've got a bunk website.

Here are a few things I'd change if it were my site:

"There's plenty of hype out there, and it's a distraction. It certainly won't help you achieve your goals." You say this, but I see a lot of hype on YOUR site.

"you're not stupid. But learning new things is a challenge for grownups...and my Internet Millionaire System makes it easy." I would go with this a little bit harder...like:

"Look, I know you're not stupid. Internet Marketers are generally very smart, very hardworking people but they just need a program that actually works!"

This works the flattery game a bit more. Also, you're making them feel special by telling them that they're smarter than the average joe and that it's not their fault they haven't been succeeding. This is a misery loves company type of deal.

Overall, it's a pretty solid site. Like I said though, you mention that you aren't going to hype the product up and then mention something like:
The Life-Changing Internet Millionaire System!

Also, the sales page is incredibly long. I hope I haven't offended you, and again, these are my personal preferences that have worked for me in different niches than yours.

Cheers!

P.S. - Don't forget to change your title tag from your URL to your Keyword to increase your on-page SEO.

[BrianMcLeod]

What happened to the squeeze page?

This is a sales letter...

?

[smak]

Hi Brian

Sorry because I am still working on the project, I took the squeeze page off temporarily. Yes what u see is probably the salesletter which also is not fully complete.


smak

[webwriter]

I agree with Glassjaw. The copy is rather long. Also, it should include some kind of title for each part of the course, such as "How to...."