===>Need Salespage Critique!

[Ludovic]

Hi guys,

I just have a thing for asking questions all the time regarding a topic. Even, if I were a high authority in a field, I would still ask questions... With the many copywriting talents that differentiate throughout this forum, I would like to know, if anyone can offer suggestions to my salespage.

It would be mostly appreciated.

Thanks, and all the best
-Ludovic

New Salespage ===> Private Label Rights
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[Scott Murdaugh]

Lose the flashing headline...

That's as far as I got, almost had a seizure.

[Kevin Lam]

Looks a lot better. Good job, Ludovic.

Looking back at the headline, it does seem a bit long. Consider this headline though:

Discover How You Can Instantly Profit 100% From 50+
NEW Products Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!

[jasondinner]

Hey Lu

Made a video for you but Jing is being stupid. As soon as i figure out how to get the entire video to load up to youtube without a big portion being cut off, i will post it here

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Scott Murdaugh

Lose the flashing headline...

That's as far as I got, almost had a seizure.

Lol, thank you for reporting this. On google chrome, the headline was not flashing, but once i switched my browser to firefox I noticed it. Problem fixed! Once again Thanks!

Originally Posted by Kevin Lam

Looks a lot better. Good job, Ludovic.

Looking back at the headline, it does seem a bit long. Consider this headline though:

Discover How You Can Instantly Profit 100% From 50+
NEW Products Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!

Hi kevin, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I'm going to do a split test with the headline above. Thanks for the suggestion, as well.

Originally Posted by jasondinner

Hey Lu

Made a video for you but Jing is being stupid. As soon as i figure out how to get the entire video to load up to youtube without a big portion being cut off, i will post it here

Wow, I really appreciate you taking your time to do such a thing. Can't wait to see the video. Hopefully, i can do a split test between the one I currently have and yours.
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New feedbacks are appreciated and welcomed....
Thank you all
-Ludovic

[markgilbert]

Some of the best headlines start out with a question that has a benefit in it. Although this is part of your headline, it's at the end. I would suggest, at the very least, bringing the question to the beginning of the headline (although I would ask the question differently).

Secondly, the first two lines of the headline don't tell me anything. It's not until the 3rd line that I begin to understand your offer (and "what's in it for me"). Instead of telling me...

"Congratulations! You've Just Landed On A
Very Limited and Exclusive Offer That Will..."

Just tell me what the "Offer" is. Headlines are no place for fluff.

[sethczerepak]

One irrefutable rule of headlines, if you can't memorize it in 10 to 15 seconds it's too long.



Also, you said:



"You're not making enough money. At least not nearly enough to enjoy.
You also don't have a lot of time. At least not nearly enough as you'd like.
Let me guess, you're also looking for something that will allow you to profit more but work less."


Better to tell me and let me come to these conclusions using my own imagination.

For example:


"Are you making enough money to enjoy all the things you really want? What do you currently desire which you can't afford to buy? What kinds of trips do you want to take before you die that you're now missing out on?

And how about this....

Do you have enough time to do the things you really want? Who in your life is not getting enough of your undivided attention? What about your hobbies and personal goals? Are you pouring all your spare time into your business while the rest of your life sits on hold?"


Let the reader get involved and start actually imaging what they're missing. People are usually more convinced by conclusions they arrive at on their own, just give them some help with it.



That's all I have time for, best of luck with the sales!

[jasondinner]

Hey Dude,

Found a way to get that critique video up without it getting chopped up bc of some poor programming on Jing's Part.

FINALLY!!! hahahaaha

I loaded it up on my Facebook Fan Page for you

Internet Salesletter Copy Critique by Jason Dinner

I just made you famous :P lol

Please let me know what you think and hook me up with a free lifetime membership
if it helps boost your conversions

All The Best,
Jason Dinner

[cybergod]

Header image is looking great.
Nothing special about that page, looks similar to other sales page.

All the best with sales...

[Ronak Shah]

I think it's a great sales page.

You've done a wonderful job.

I feel there could be a better headline though.

Keep it up.