Having a tough time with writing my headline...

[ScottRobinson]

OK, I've read countless books on marketing from all the Guru's and have learned Direct Response Marketing to become one of the largest wireless dealers in the state of Florida, but that was easy for me because I had branded my company.

Now, I'm totally stuck!

My new site is totally being recreated into a membership site that comes with a wealth of knowledge, my contacts and exact resources how I earn on average 15-25% PER MONTH. That's not a typo and I've been doing this for years using several different investments...from Automated Robots to very unconventional and outside of the box methods.

This last year I cleared about 700% in totally passive income that I'm going to share with the public. Other than showing people my tax returns it's hard for people to believe. But it's the truth and I've been doing this for years and I've been very close to the vest with exactly how I pull this off every year. I'm not a genius, but I've been blessed with very wealthy friends and also have been an investor since I was 19, starting my first company.

I know that it will come down to doing alot of split testing, but my problem is that I don't want to sound like some pie in the sky or get mixed in with the "To hard to believe crowd" and I don't want people to just gloss over the headline and be so overboard in my statement/Headline.

There's so many ways to go and I end up with a headline that's way to long and try to touch on everything. My main keyword(s) are passive investing/Passive Income/Wealth Generation/Forex Robots and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Enough said... Here's what I've come up with:

"Semi-Retired Offline Millionaire Reveals All About How Anyone Can Make 15-25 PERCENT EVERY MONTH on their own money!"

"Discover the EXACT secrets to how I earn 15-25% PER MONTH on my own money using 100% hands free and passive income strategies...Full Access to my Golden Rolodex, Contacts, Resources and MORE!"

"Discover How I Legally Rob Banks and Make 15-25% on Autopilot Per Month...!00% Totally Passive Income Streams, millionaire investor reveals how anyone can do it to, NO EXPERIENCE Neccesary!"

Well? Which if any strikes your curiosity the most or would make you want to read on?

Feel free to criticize or add a subheader if you think of any.

Thanks Everyone!
Scott

[dtendrich]

I like the angle on the first headline...

But I think you can simplify it and de-hype it a bit, and just let the info create hype for you:

"How Anyone Can Make 15-25% Every Month on Their Own Money... Without Doing a Thing"

I'd play with that - the whole "make 15-25% passively" angle

Cheers,
David

[Loren Woirhaye]

As always, if you want me to do something for you, you've
got to tell me what's in it for me, not how fabulous you are.

[The Copy Nazi]

The classic headline in that genre is Gary Halbert's -

"WANTED:
Novice Crew to 'Rob' Banks Legally…
… With an Inside Job!"

[sgboston23]

show me the value with less of the cool-whip hype

[tryinhere]

"Your future security guaranteed. Millionaire Reveals unique business opportunity"

[TheChimp]

I like the jist of the 3rd headline.

The whole concept of "legally robbing banks" is an oxymoron in itself. This in turn is guaranteed to keep people clinging for an answer.

Play around with a few different titles containing words similar to this and i think you will get onto a winner in no time

[Steven Wagenheim]

Give Me 5 Minutes
And I'll Show You How To Make
15% - 25% EACH MONTH
Totally On Autopilot

[Ross Bowring]

Originally Posted by Metronicity

The classic headline in that genre is Gary Halbert's -

"WANTED:
Novice Crew to 'Rob' Banks Legally…
… With an Inside Job!"

Pretty sure that's Jim Sheridan's headline, not G.H.

[ScottRobinson]

Excellent feedback...It seems that the robbing your bank legally is an attention grabber. I'll mix it up and give it a go in the real world...

Much appreciated WARRIORS!

[Steven Wagenheim]

Originally Posted by MarkAndrews IMCopywriting

To be perfectly frank, I liked this one the
most, no hype at all, just a bare boned
factual headline.

That in itself would lend me to think,
'Okay what's in this for me'? ... and I
would probably continue to read further
down the sales letter.

The rest of the headlines above, every-
one has seen those a thousand times
over and they just lead to a certain
amount of headline blindness on the
part of website visitors.

Inwardly, with many of these other one's
above, one just groans inwardly, 'Oh here
we go again, another bloomin' outlandish
income claiming sales page headline'.

Just be factual and straight to the point,
it's the main thrust of your deck that is
going to convince visitors to your sales
page to keep on reading further down
below and hopefully, to make that
purchase decision.

Or, really come up with something unique
and out of the box to grab that attention.

Too many headlines these days are all the
same. Break out of that mold and brand
yourself as offering something uniquely
different from the maddening crowd.

Thanks Mark. I was trained by one of the best in the
business.

But I won't mention any names.

[lakshaybehl]

15%-25% Return On Your Investment In A Month? No Way...

The concept is that your claim is so big that it directly shoots the BS meter into the red zone. While it might be a sound approach that you're teaching, it is definitely not easy to prove it.

Headlines that have inbuilt proof work best. Acknowledging of disbelief is an extremely subtle yet powerful type of proof.

-Lakshay

P.S. Combine benefits, curiosity and proof in one statement and that is much more likely to be the headline of your control.

[Intrepreneur]

That headline hurt my eyes and brain. Should be broken up into 3 seperate headlines if you ask me. Stick to the 8 second rule. New line for every 8 seconds of reading especially at headline.

[Lance K]

It would help to have as much description about your ideal customer as possible. That way any market specific lingo, hot buttons, demographics, psychographics, etc. can be used when brainstorming headlines.

[Ross Bowring]

Metron...

It's Jim talking about the letter he wrote. Can't see where he says Gary wrote the headline. Maybe you can point it out to me.

There are also websites where people besmirch the product behind this letter, who go into detail about Sheridan telling the story at a seminar about how he wrote it. Best not to post them here out of respect. I'll PM you.

[The Copy Nazi]

Originally Posted by Ross Bowring

Metron...

It's Jim talking about the letter he wrote. Can't see where he says Gary wrote the headline. Maybe you can point it out to me.

There are also websites where people besmirch the product behind this letter, who go into detail about Sheridan telling the story at a seminar about how he wrote it. Best not to post them here out of respect. I'll PM you.

Yes you're absolutely right. Just PMed you. Thanks! M.

[David Maschke]

If you really want to get into the mindset of the investment and copywriting mentality, then you have to study some of the best sales letters in the world...

site:isecureonline.com/Reports/ - Google Search

Dave

[ScottRobinson]

Wow, you guys are great...I think this is a Hot Topic and this thread has helped me out tremendously and I'm sure many others...

Thanks for all your input!
Scott

[ghyphena]

Yes, go ahead and call him - you heard him, he'll turn your product into CHAS MAKIN MACHINE!

And, as a side note, for such a big claim you might want to try a spin on Gene Schwartz:

Do You Have The Courage To Earn 25% A Month?

[RickDuris]

Hi ScottRobinson and others,

Here's a little tip: Percentages alone (like 25%) are too abstract, UNLESS they denominated with some sort of base amount of money.

For instance:

---------------------
My program will show you how to turn your $10,000 into $12,500--in less than 12 months (An amazing annualized 25% return)
---------------------

(That is NOT the headline you want to run with, I am offering it to clarify.)

Stated differently, you can't put 25% in your wallet or purse or bank account. You want to make the results tangible as possible.

- Rick

[WD Mino]

Originally Posted by SeBrantigan

It needs to stand out - add a little humour and curiosity to the title if possible. Elaborate a little in the title because you need to SELL the article/email/whatever with the headline.

Humor should not be used when selling a product it will turn a lot of people off Keep it simple. if I came to your site and saw 15-25 % I would think of what what does that mean is that good how much do I make

One thing about people is you have to spell it out for them at least I was told so by the copywriters on here. People are not that bright they don't want to think they want to know upfront what your offering and why they should get involved.

I try to keep things simple but don't always succeed but Russel Brunson says keep it stupidly simple Who are you what do you got why do they need it where can they get it. I miss it sometimes but it is proven to work so it is sound advice.

just mo
-WD

[ScottRobinson]

OK...Here's what I Came Up With, What do You Think Guys?

If you we're an investor, would this stop you in your tracks?

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...and ONLY if you can fuse new Artificial Intelligence technology and real, long term Forex trading experience...
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2009 Performance:
1,865.33% (364 days)

2008 Performance:
623.47.84%

2007 Performance:
810.70%

2006 Performance:
333.05%

2005 Performance:
810.70%

2004 Performance:
677.67%

2003 Performance:
656.52%

2002 Performance:
441.28%

2001 Performance:
597.54%

These Results are Documented Proof and History of XXXXXXXX from 2001.

XXXXXX XXXXX™ Is The Outcome Of Our Personal 38 Years Of Combined Commercial Bank Trading Experience... You Can Count On The Best Of The Best... You Can Count On The Perfect (And Only) “Multi-Market” Forex Robot In The Market.

2009: 1,865.33% (to date) • 2008: 623.84% • 2007: 612.91%
2006: 333.05% • 2005: 810.70% • 2004: 677.67%
• 2003: 656.52%• 2002: 441.28% • 2001: 597.54%

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