One Page Copy To Sell E-Training... What Do You Think?

[FitJerk]

Sup guys,

So I wanted to throw up a short and sweet copy to sell my E-Training services. It's only goal is to get the prospect to send me an email (because not everyone is right for E-Training so I have to assess that).

Also, I've found that I can "close the deal" much better on the back end then have all the "payment buttons" under the sales page.

Here's the page: E-Training

Be honest... I can handle that sh*t.

[travlinguy]

Your headline is too long and it's also weak. Your page seems fairly oriented to you and not the prospect. For example:

"By now I’m sure you’ve had a look around my site and have realized that I am quite the straight shooter..."

How in the world would you come to that conclusion? Here's another:

"...so it’s only natural that I would be at the forefront of this phenomenon..."

There's plenty more of the 'I' stuff throughout the copy. You need to shift the focus to the reader and only use the word 'I' in reference to what you're going to do for your prospect.

It is important to establish credibility so isolate a certain section of the page for your bio and tell the reader who you are and why you're qualified to do what your doing, then stop gloating.

And if it's your intention to be like the rich jerk, you either need to jump right in from the start with the obnoxious banter and keep it going throughout the page or not do it at all. That style can be effective if done properly but every knock-off I've ever seen fails miserably at it.

You've also got ads on the page and an opt-in box. You've gotta decide what you're trying to accomplish with this page. Why in the world would you spend time and money to drive traffic to your offer and then give your prospect the opportunity to click away with ads? It doesn't make sense.

As for an opt-in box on a sales page, sometimes it works and sometimes it's a distraction allowing the prospect the opportunity to 'think about it' some more. In your case it doesn't matter much at this point because you have plenty of other more pressing issues to get this material into shape. Good luck.

[dorothydot]

Hi,

Some thoughts about your website:
First, white lettering against dark background is very hard on computer-screen-reading eyeballs. Not many will get very far just for that reason alone.

Second, I personally HATE pop-ups that appear just when I'm trying to get into reading your copy. Give visitors the option, don't force it on them.

Third, I like that you have your first opt-in box above the "fold" - good for you.

Fourth, I also like that you use plenty of sub-headers. Make them a different color than the rest of your text so they stand out more. Maybe even consider centering them?
“If you’re currently paying or considering paying more than $50 per hour just to workout with a personal trainer, then stop what you’re doing and check out this amazing alternative – It will change the way you train forever!”

Your headline is wayyyy too long. Break it up into like a headline-subheadline. Maybe something like,

"Check Out This AMAZING WorkOut Alternative"
It Will Change The Way You Train Forever! Guaranteed.


Before you dive in, let me show you why it kicks ass over the old school approach. This is good (the kick-ass phrasing is quite on-target for your prospects) - but needs to be condensed. More like, But wait! Check out why it kicks ass over the old school approach...

Hope this helps,
Dot

[Nick Brighton]

Your copy needs attention from top to bottom. Above all, it's boring (sorry!).

Try this headline instead:

"The 3 Reasons Why You'll Always Be FAT...

...and Why You'll End Up Paying Up To 129% More Money Than Skinny People Did To Lose Weight The Fit Jerk Way..."

Or something of that nature. The 129% is based on how much money they pay in personal trainers compared to your digital equivalent, but you'll have to do the real maths on that one.

Hope that helps a little, I'll leave rest to others...

[FitJerk]

Awesomeness, yes I'm going to consider having the page re-direct to a non-distraction sales page. I can't get rid of those ads because it's part of the theme so that's one challenge I need to consider.

@Travlinguy
It is assumed they know SOMETHING about the blog since the E-Training page is not what they land on when they visit the blog. You have to voluntarily click on it. Still, i get what you're saying.

Back to the damn drawing board. Re-work is in progress.

[Moolah_Copywriting]

You have some interesting stuff in your letter but... it isn't approachable

Here's what I would take a look at:
1. Too much going on. Your reader will be distracted and click off elsewhere.
2. Lose the top banner
3. Lose the navigation bar
4. Lose the Sidebar Stuff
5. Reversed out copy is too hard too read. Plain white on black is the ticket.
6. Adwords is silly on a salesletter. Focus everything on generating 1 action.

Your Headline is actually your lead sentence. You still need a compelling headline that speaks to a specific audience, promises a benefit, is specific, and makes it impossible to stop reading

Font is too small

Subheadlines are good - they just need to be visually different than the main text - bigger font size and centered.

Text is visually dense. Use bullet point lists to break up the blogs and hold more visual interest.

"Train With FJ, Here's What You Get"
is a list of features. It needs to be a list of hard-hitting benefits that gets the readers heart-pumping and finger clicking.

Your Offer/Next Steps is muddled and hard to follow. Consider using a step-by-step format to get the reader moving.

Do you offer a Satisfaction Guarantee? If so, then make sure you include it?

Why should I believe you? Do you have testimonials or endorsements that you can include?

Finally, you still haven't sold me on the benefits of the E-Training process. Work on making this a logical and compelling argument. You'll be surprised by how quickly the rest falls into place.

Stan

[FitJerk]

Originally Posted by Moolah_Copywriting

You have some interesting stuff in your letter but... it isn't approachable

Here's what I would take a look at:
1. Too much going on. Your reader will be distracted and click off elsewhere.
2. Lose the top banner
3. Lose the navigation bar
4. Lose the Sidebar Stuff
5. Reversed out copy is too hard too read. Plain white on black is the ticket.
6. Adwords is silly on a salesletter. Focus everything on generating 1 action.

Your Headline is actually your lead sentence. You still need a compelling headline that speaks to a specific audience, promises a benefit, is specific, and makes it impossible to stop reading

Font is too small

Subheadlines are good - they just need to be visually different than the main text - bigger font size and centered.

Text is visually dense. Use bullet point lists to break up the blogs and hold more visual interest.

"Train With FJ, Here's What You Get"
is a list of features. It needs to be a list of hard-hitting benefits that gets the readers heart-pumping and finger clicking.

Your Offer/Next Steps is muddled and hard to follow. Consider using a step-by-step format to get the reader moving.

Do you offer a Satisfaction Guarantee? If so, then make sure you include it?

Why should I believe you? Do you have testimonials or endorsements that you can include?

Finally, you still haven't sold me on the benefits of the E-Training process. Work on making this a logical and compelling argument. You'll be surprised by how quickly the rest falls into place.

Stan

Appreciate that Stan. Some kick ass advice there.

[dorothydot]

Umm, you're welcome. Hope my effort at commenting on your site helped.
Dot

[FitJerk]

Originally Posted by dorothydot

Umm, you're welcome. Hope my effort at commenting on your site helped.
Dot

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