Where to shift from 'I' style to 'You' style?

[Daniel Brock]

Hello copywriters!

I was wondering if you all could give me some suggestions on my copywriting.

I have noticed that I use a lot of 'I' style writing. Just like I do on this very forum post.

For example,

I start off a sales letter with a little introduction of who I am to build creditability.

I will say stuff like 'throughout my career of making money online...at first it was a little rough but then I figured out the secrets. since then i have been able to do this this and this.'

Then I progress to something like:

'one of the secrets that helped increase my business is ___________. I found that once I implemented just that one technique, my profits increased by _____'

As you can see, my writing is very first person oriented.

I have been reading that you want to make your writing YOU style - like what it can do for the reader.

So should I drop the intro about myself because it is too first person oriented?

For the above benefit example, should I write more along the lines of:

'one secret that will significantly improve your business is ______. Once you implement just that one technique, you will see your profits increase by____'

Am I on the write track, or am I confusing the whole You vs I thing?

Thank you for taking a look!
-Daniel

[BrianMcLeod]

You've probably been wondering when I would get around to giving you some suggestions on your copywriting.

How about RIGHT NOW?

Surely you've heard that you should use a lot more "you" than "I" when writing copy. Just like you're reading on this very forum post.

For example,

You start off a sales letter with a little introduction demonstrating you deeply understand who your prospect is... to build credibility.

You will say stuff like 'throughout your career of making money online... at first it's always a little rough but then you figure out the secrets. After that, you're able to do this this and this.'

Then you progress to something like:

'one of the secrets that helps you increase your business is ___________. Once you implement just that one technique, your profits can jump by _____ or more...'

As you can see, this writing is very "you" oriented.

You are now reading YOU style writing - as in "what it can do for the reader".

[Raydal]

"You" oriented copy doesn't mean that you use "you" instead
of "I" but in everything you write you are thinking about the
prospect all the time.

You can use "I" all the way through the letter and be "you"
focused. Or you can use "you" all the way through and be
"I" focused.

Much like the conversation that goes: "OK, that's enough
about me, what do you think about my writing?"

If you want a strict answer to your question then you only
need to use "I" when telling your story. Other places you
can use "you".

-Ray Edwards

[Daniel Brock]

Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod

You've probably been wondering when I would get around to giving you some suggestions on your copywriting.

How about RIGHT NOW?

Surely you've heard that you should use a lot more "you" than "I" when writing copy. Just like you're reading on this very forum post.

For example,

You start off a sales letter with a little introduction demonstrating you deeply understand who your prospect is... to build credibility.

You will say stuff like 'throughout your career of making money online... at first it's always a little rough but then you figure out the secrets. After that, you're able to do this this and this.'

Then you progress to something like:

'one of the secrets that helps you increase your business is ___________. Once you implement just that one technique, your profits can jump by _____ or more...'

As you can see, this writing is very "you" oriented.

You are now reading YOU style writing - as in "what it can do for the reader".

Thank you sir! You have been quite an assistance! I know this stlye of writing can be learned, but is there some sort of personality involved with the you writing style?

Just recently I have been noticing my writing style is very I oriented. It seems as if there is a long road of ahead....

[Daniel Brock]

Originally Posted by Raydal

"You" oriented copy doesn't mean that you use "you" instead
of "I" but in everything you wrtie you are thinking about the
prospect all the time.

You can use "I" all the way through the letter and be "you"
focused. Or you can use "you" all theway through and be
"I" focused.

Much like the conversation that goes: "OK, that's enough
about me, what do your think about my writing?"

If you want a strict answer to your question then you only
need to use "I" when telling your story. Other places you
can use "you".

-Ray Edwards

Thank you!

So it's perfectly fine to use 'I' when opening up a sales letter/telling someone about my work, as long as most of the rest of the document is focused on the read/what's in it for them?

[Alexa Smith]

Originally Posted by Daniel Brock

So it's perfectly fine to use 'I' when opening up a sales letter/telling someone about my work, as long as most of the rest of the document is focused on the read/what's in it for them?

I wouldn't do that right at the start.

You can do it early-ish, on a long page, but not the first thing.

The only place you really use "I" in most copywriting is when you're answering their silent question "Who is this guy and why should I believe/trust him?" To establish your credibility, in other words.

[Daniel Brock]

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

I wouldn't do that right at the start.

You can do it early-ish, on a long page, but not the first thing.

The only place you really use "I" in most copywriting is when you're answering their silent question "Who is this guy and why should I believe/trust him?" To establish your credibility, in other words.

That's a pretty clear way to put it. That cleared up a question i've had since my first sales page.

So what about:

Headline
Sub head
Video/proof
introduction(the 'I')
how it benefits them(the 'you')
features(?)
benefits-recap

Am I headed in the right direction?

[JeSsDaDdY]

I found this thread so informative that I joined WF just so I could post about it. Thank you to all the people who took the time to post some seriously good info on this subject that confuses so many of us new, more traditional writers trying to get into copy writing.

[freefor15.com]

Reading I in almost anything is a big turn off. Avoid talking about yourself as much as possible no one cares who you are.

[Matt James]

Imagine you're telling a story to a friend.

Sure you use "I" a lot but you'll drop in lines directed at your buddy... otherwise you're just not going to engage.

Here's a line from a PPC sales letter I'm currently writing...

"I mean... I lived off Adwords and -- in an instant -- they slashed my lifeline.

And you know, as an entrepreneur, you don't get severance pay or any kind of warning..."

You can use "I" all the time or "you" copy all the time... but in my mind it works best to mix and mash them up.

Keep it conversational.

[Steve Peters Benn]

Hi Daniel,

I just had a look through my Mass Control stuff, and Frank seems to switch from I to we all the time. Sadly with Kern's writing, it is very much a case of his stuff works when he does it but unless it is congruent with who you are - it won't work well...

[k0zm0zs0ul]

I think getting hung up on 'you' and 'I' and 'we' is counter-productive. The bottom line is that your prospects don't really care about you, they just want to know what is in it for them, and how you can solve their problems. If you can convey that in a down to earth, conversational style, then it doesn't matter whether you're using the above terms.

I agree with Matt above, mix it up, keep it conversational. Relate to your prospect.

Warm regards,
Cori

[Steve Peters Benn]

The tone and style of copywriting seems to work best for me, when I write congruently with myself. Which is to say, a little odd!

[writeright]

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

I wouldn't do that right at the start.

You can do it early-ish, on a long page, but not the first thing.

The only place you really use "I" in most copywriting is when you're answering their silent question "Who is this guy and why should I believe/trust him?" To establish your credibility, in other words.

Yes, I agree. To add to it... 'I' makes the piece sound personal and can be used as a very good ruse to catch the eye. There is always a difference in response when you narrate a story where your friend was involved and a story where you were personally the protagonist.

[cgallagher93]

I personally find that switching from
I to you equally really helps my copy
flow well. English graduates will tell
you that you're not supposed to switch
but I completely disagree...

You don't always want to talk about
yourself (i.e. I this, I that) as it comes
across as arrogant and egotistical.

On the other hand, talking about them
(i.e. you can do this easily...) will spark
their defences and make them think this
is just some other B.S sales letter.

Whereas balancing the use of "I" and
"you" will give them the opportunity to
read some benefits straight from the
horses mouth (by spelling out what they
are) and also allowing them to come to
their own conclusions about others by
reading what it's done for you, and other
satisfied users.

It's always worked well for me anyway.

Hope this helps,

Connor