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01-15-2010, 09:31 PM
| #1 |
| Primal Warrior War Room Member  Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 908
Blog Entries: 6 Thanks: 323
Thanked 208 Times in 175 Posts
|  Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad
Hi Warriors! I'm currently promoting a biz opp with some small classified ads. The problem is I have a great catchy line which is getting views, but then the body kind of falls flat and I'm not getting responses. I'm wondering if anybody would like to volunteer their time and give me some pointers on where I'm going wrong? Ok, here is the ad: Scams, Scams, everywhere there's Scams... Looking for a home based opportunity and feel like you are in a whirlwind of scams? I know what that is like ... I found a company with a solution. Let me show you what I mean - just send me an email requesting more information. Thanks guys! |
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01-15-2010, 09:42 PM
| #2 | |
| The Wandering Businessman War Room Member  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The Globe
Posts: 1,209
Thanks: 142
Thanked 755 Times in 196 Posts
| Re: Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad Quote:
Looking for a home based opportunity that's going to give you freedom of both time and money? I've found the solution. Click the link below to learn more. Fill your three lines with benefits and you'll see a lot more response than from this ad. Think about what's important to who will be buying your biz opp. Focus on that. | |
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01-15-2010, 11:44 PM
| #3 |
| Enlightened Warrior War Room Member  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: New York, USA.
Posts: 536
Thanks: 12
Thanked 95 Times in 70 Posts
| Re: Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad
Chris is right on point. And to that I'll add that you need to strengthen your Call to Action (what you instruct your readers to do). Right now you have "just send me an email requesting more information". Be more direct and specific. Use something like "Email me right now [at wherever] with the subject line 'Send more Info' ".
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01-16-2010, 01:23 AM
| #4 |
| Gunslinger War Room Member | Re: Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad
How about an honest claim backed up with proof? Last month I made $1,564 part time and I am willing to show you my W2 to prove it. Get more information at Welcome to ILIVEINMYMOMSBASEMENT.COM or call xxx-xxx-xxxx or No hype - just hope. One of the thousands of people laid off in (whatever city or state you live in)? Find more out about a job you can never be fired from. www.yougettheidea.com Look people aren't going to call you to learn more - get them to go to website that way you have complete control of what they see everytime and you can collect their email address for follow up phone calls. That will be $497 I'll PM you my paypal address. |
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01-16-2010, 08:39 AM
| #5 |
| Bertus Engelbrecht War Room Member  Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: London
Posts: 993
Thanks: 212
Thanked 140 Times in 84 Posts
| Re: Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad
You are warning them against scams, but where is your proof that your opp is not a scam. Try and make it a little bit more believable.
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01-16-2010, 10:50 PM
| #7 |
| Smart Entrepreneur Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 74
Thanks: 8
Thanked 18 Times in 14 Posts
| Re: Seeking a critique for Biz Opp Ad
First...Don't think about the color blue... Second...close your eyes for 10 seconds... Yep, all you thought of was Blue. That is what your ad does. It immediately associates your ad with EXACTLY what you told them not to think about. Offer something free, with your call to action. Free videos are huge right now! Hope this helps... |
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**Smart Entrepreneur/Jeffrey Stine** http://www.websitebizfromhome.com http://www.plrcashkingdom.com 2,500 Unique PLR products for $24.95 Free Movie Site: http://www.fastmoviepass.com | |
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| biz, critique, opp, seeking |
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