Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think

dyaonna · 01-28-2010, 09:33 PM

take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think . if I need to improve tell me where I can Improve . thanks

7 Psychological Secrets to Getting Your Ex-Boyfriend back for Good

Note: this is my short salesletter for my report

Ashley Gable · 01-28-2010, 11:44 PM

Well I am not a professional copywriter, but I don't think it matters.

The reason I say that is because the grammar you use is not going to cut it. It is full of spelling mistakes, you repeat words and even partial sentences over and over again, like:

Quote:

If you won't pay $10 to get your ex-boyfriend back in your life for good you must not want your ex-boyfriend back in your life for good.

I would suggest either A) getting someone to go through it and make the necessary changes, and there are going to be a lot of them, or B) get someone else to write it for you.

The thing is that you didnt just make a few mistakes, it seems you have trouble with grammar and overall sentence structure, so I dont see any other options.

As for the copywriting, I dont think it is going to cut it either. I am not a girl, so I dont know what goes through their heads when they break up with someone, but I am going to guess it is not what you have written.

What do these girls want most, except for their getting their boyfriend back? Is it to prove him wrong? prove her friends wrong? To get back to normal? To not be alone? Once you figure that you will be in a much better position to structure your offer.

And with your headling, what about just a qualifying question, like

"Want your Ex-Boyfriend Back?"

OR

"Still in love with your ex-boyfriend?"

"Discover the 7 Psychological Secrets that will have your ex-boyfriend crawling back to you like a baby"

Something like that, something that instantly gets their attention.

Maybe some real copywriters will come in and help you out, but as I said, I think it just needs to be rewritten or completely proofread and then ask again.

Good Luck!
Ashley

Bill Jeffels · 01-29-2010, 09:09 AM

What you have here isn't going to cut it.

Someone that has broke up with their boyfriend / girlfriend would be going through alot of emotions. Play on those emotions. State their problem and present the solution ( your product ).

Also, you need some kind of call to action. Limited number of copies, the price is going to go up. Your P.S. is weak, it should bring out your big benefit and reinforce your headline.

-Bill

Oxbloom · 01-29-2010, 09:48 AM

"Getting lost lovers back" is a pretty common theme over at clickbank these days. I recommend you go over there, look at some of their sales letters, gather ideas for your own, and pick it up from there.

Affiliateprocom · 01-29-2010, 03:04 PM

I think the sales letter is kind of short and doesn't really connect emotionally with your potential customer

travlinguy · 01-29-2010, 03:10 PM

You're pretty far off the mark with this. It needs to be scrapped and recreated. You should consider hiring a professional. One other thing, if the ebook is written like the sales page you're going to be issuing a lot of refunds. Good luck.

Scott Henderson · 01-29-2010, 06:27 PM

You really need to polish this up a good bit, there is no punch to it at all. The first 2 paragraphs are a bunch of mumble jumble. A lot of grammar issues also.

I agree with posters above, go look at other sales letters in this niche, look for the ones that grab your attention and ask yourself "what is it that grabs my attention?", put your spin on it and crate something new.

If you don't think you are capable of writing a good letter consider outsourcing it.

My 2 cents..

Moolah_Copywriting · 01-29-2010, 09:37 PM

Yep, you are singing out of tune.

I love the topic but you are killing yourself right from the start.

If you really want to learn how to do this and perhaps make some money -

1. Get an honest review of your book. Something tells me it isn't as good as it should be (I'm being nice here)
2. Scrap your salesletter and have a pro write it. The niche your selling to is filled with stone-cold direct marketing geniuses.
3. If you have a passion for this topic - become an affiliate of a top Clickbank seller and get a feel for the market. Make some cash and then take what you've learned to make a better product.

Good luck

Stan

P.S. If somebody sold you a PLR book and told you that you could easily make cash by writing a short salesletter to promote it - contact the guru - cuss 'em out and ask for your cash back.

dyaonna · 02-01-2010, 01:02 AM

I will hire a professional copywriter for my report .

thanks for the feedback .

01-28-2010, 09:33 PM	#1
dyaonna Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 81 Thanks: 12 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think . if I need to improve tell me where I can Improve . thanks 7 Psychological Secrets to Getting Your Ex-Boyfriend back for Good Note: this is my short salesletter for my report

01-29-2010, 09:09 AM	#3
Bill Jeffels Copywriter / Marketer War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 377 Thanks: 143 Thanked 92 Times in 82 Posts	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think What you have here isn't going to cut it. Someone that has broke up with their boyfriend / girlfriend would be going through alot of emotions. Play on those emotions. State their problem and present the solution ( your product ). Also, you need some kind of call to action. Limited number of copies, the price is going to go up. Your P.S. is weak, it should bring out your big benefit and reinforce your headline. -Bill
	Copywriting WSO:FINALLY, YOU CAN NOW DISCOVER THESE AMAZING COPYWRITING SECRETS TOO! Bond Halberts Bad Ass Blog " You Are One Sales Letter Away From Being Rich " --Gary Halbert Last edited by Bill Jeffels; 01-29-2010 at 09:14 AM. Reason: .

01-29-2010, 09:48 AM	#4
Oxbloom J.W. Acre War Room Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 440 Thanks: 74 Thanked 244 Times in 139 Posts	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think "Getting lost lovers back" is a pretty common theme over at clickbank these days. I recommend you go over there, look at some of their sales letters, gather ideas for your own, and pick it up from there.

01-29-2010, 03:04 PM	#5
Affiliateprocom Affiliateprocom Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: UTAH Posts: 29 Thanks: 1 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think I think the sales letter is kind of short and doesn't really connect emotionally with your potential customer
	The Warrior Forum Rocks... Affiliatepro.com

01-29-2010, 03:10 PM	#6
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,937 Thanks: 1,315 Thanked 1,634 Times in 955 Posts Contact Info	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think You're pretty far off the mark with this. It needs to be scrapped and recreated. You should consider hiring a professional. One other thing, if the ebook is written like the sales page you're going to be issuing a lot of refunds. Good luck.
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| 2941 Power Swipes To Improve Your Writing!

01-29-2010, 06:27 PM	#7
Scott Henderson Full Time Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South Korea - USA Posts: 344 Thanks: 125 Thanked 87 Times in 75 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think You really need to polish this up a good bit, there is no punch to it at all. The first 2 paragraphs are a bunch of mumble jumble. A lot of grammar issues also. I agree with posters above, go look at other sales letters in this niche, look for the ones that grab your attention and ask yourself "what is it that grabs my attention?", put your spin on it and crate something new. If you don't think you are capable of writing a good letter consider outsourcing it. My 2 cents..

01-29-2010, 09:37 PM	#8
Moolah_Copywriting Warrior Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 88 Thanks: 11 Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think Yep, you are singing out of tune. I love the topic but you are killing yourself right from the start. If you really want to learn how to do this and perhaps make some money - 1. Get an honest review of your book. Something tells me it isn't as good as it should be (I'm being nice here) 2. Scrap your salesletter and have a pro write it. The niche your selling to is filled with stone-cold direct marketing geniuses. 3. If you have a passion for this topic - become an affiliate of a top Clickbank seller and get a feel for the market. Make some cash and then take what you've learned to make a better product. Good luck Stan P.S. If somebody sold you a PLR book and told you that you could easily make cash by writing a short salesletter to promote it - contact the guru - cuss 'em out and ask for your cash back.
	What's On Your Mind? Ask me your copywriting question or just drop me a "hello"

02-01-2010, 01:02 AM	#9
dyaonna Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 81 Thanks: 12 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Take a look at my salesletter and tell me what you think I will hire a professional copywriter for my report . thanks for the feedback .