HELP !. Bounce rate is 97% for my landing page

[Raja Kamil]

Hi all, I need your suggestion what to do with my first ever written landing page.


One i notice is, lack of graphics. But, I cant think, how the header must look like to capture audience.

One more thing, is I am not sure how to repair my salesletter.
Anyone please help me.

my web Impressive Resumes And Cover Letters

[DougBarger]

The whole “Dr. Resume” without any other real name
is off-putting.

No one wants to risk buying from someone they can't hold accountable
and by not using a real name or at least a realistic sounding pen name,
the trust needed to invest on good faith just isn't there.

In your close, you had mentioned something along the lines of either
shooting blindly or having a redbull eye.

We know what you're talking about, but the average reader will be left thinking,
"What?"

And the confused mind's default answer to buy now is, “No.”

That's after a quick glance, as I've got some copy to finish,
but hope that's enough to get the ball rolling
with some more tips from other warrior copywriters and feedback for you.

PS. The claim of 177 people who have used your product to successfully land their dream jobs is a claim you made early on, but later in the letter, (or anywhere else for that matter) there isn't any actual proof to back up your claim.

How about adding some pics and testimonials of some of those 177 who used your product to successfully solve their problem?

P.P.S. You have some major phrasing/usage issues in your deck copy/sub-head (peoples, etc.) there...

Use a more realistic looking signature on the right side after your promise to guarantee their results or their money back up near your headline to add more trust...

[aaallday2010]

First of you have too many spelling errors and some of the sentences don't make since. I mean, your headline is should say "helped" not "help".

That's the first thing I noticed and that would make me stop reading the rest of your letter. And it shouldn't say "peoples" it should say "people".

Somebody looking to write a better resume would be turned off by all the mistakes.... JUST IN YOUR HEADLINE".

But besides the spelling errors, that headline isn't any good. You need a new one.

Hope this helps.

Hope this helps.

[Raja Kamil]

Originally Posted by DougBarger

The whole “Dr. Resume” without any other real name
is off-putting.

No one wants to risk buying from someone they can't hold accountable
and by not using a real name or at least a realistic sounding pen name,
the trust needed to invest on good faith just isn't there.

In your close, you had mentioned something along the lines of either
shooting blindly or having a redbull eye.

We know what you're talking about, but the average reader will be left thinking,
"What?"

And the confused mind's default answer to buy now is, “No.”

That's after a quick glance, as I've got some copy to finish,
but hope that's enough to get the ball rolling
with some more tips from other warrior copywriters and feedback for you.

PS. The claim of 177 people who have used your product to successfully land their dream jobs is a claim you made early on, but later in the letter, (or anywhere else for that matter) there isn't any actual proof to back up your claim.

How about adding some pics and testimonials of some of those 177 who used your product to successfully solve their problem?

P.P.S. You have some major phrasing/usage issues in your deck copy/sub-head (peoples, etc.) there...

Use a more realistic looking signature on the right side after your promise to guarantee their results or their money back up near your headline to add more trust...

Originally Posted by aaallday2010

First of you have too many spelling errors and some of the sentences don't make since. I mean, your headline is should say "helped" not "help".

That's the first thing I noticed and that would make me stop reading the rest of your letter. And it shouldn't say "peoples" it should say "people".

Somebody looking to write a better resume would be turned off by all the mistakes.... JUST IN YOUR HEADLINE".

But besides the spelling errors, that headline isn't any good. You need a new one.

Hope this helps.

Hope this helps.

When I read both of you comments, I can't stop say 'aha, aha, I think so.."

Thank you very much......

[DayDreamBeliever]

Your english needs to be better.

Resumes are about making the best impression you can. You can't be selling something that promises to do this when you've got mistakes in grammar selling this type of product.

Your problem is you've got too much competition selling this kind of information and there's nothing to suggest your product is any different.

Make it feel like there's something different about it.

So spend time working on your copy skills. Study good sales letters. Write, write, write...

Get creative. Here's a headline for inspiration to get your mind thinking:

The Almost-Impossible Story Of How 177 People Like You
Beat The Odds, Changed Their Lives And Were Hired For
High-Paying Jobs Just By Re-Writing Their Resumes...
...Using Secrets From This Report!

Make your copy exciting. Study good sales letters selling this information.

[Raja Kamil]

I did some minor changes as suggested, please review. Thanks

[Moolah_Copywriting]

Hey there,

Your headline needs some work. For this market, you need to zero in on the frustration around never even getting a call-back from interviewers. You need to make your benefit center on "getting the interview and offer even when you're not the best qualified"

Every one of your subheadlines are better than your headline. Use on of them to get your creative juices flowing.

You need a enemy. Every job applicant hates HR and Monster.com - go get 'em!

Your bullets are great - good job!

Separate out and list the elements of your product - so you can get a "thud" factor. Meaning, I get all of this!? Wow!

Your offer makes me suspicious. My line of thinking is - why is this thing so cheap. He knocked off $100 - WHY?

Is this your product or a PLR? It just doesn't sound like your heart is in this thing. You need to go back and put some soul into the copy.

Ok, I'm done

Stan

[Tina Golden]

I just took a look and it still needs a lot of improvement. You are offering a guide to help them WRITE a better resume. Your page needs to be perfect in the WRITING and it's far from it. I'd start with getting it professionally proofed and edited.

How are you getting traffic to the landing page to start with? With that level of bounce, it sounds like you are not getting targeted traffic. You'd still likely have a large bounce rate due to the errors and other factors but it sounds like your traffic is wrong to begin with.

Tina

[DougBarger]

instead of "than before"

make it "than ever before!"