Not my Forte, help needed!

[John Pawlett]

Hi Guys

One of my (many) weaknesses is writing copy. I have just written some for a new type of webhosting site that I am launching, I would love your feedback.

It is not designed to be 'long' just a simple intro to the packages I provide.

Kind regards

John


You’re Here Because You Need Web Hosting, But It’s Not What You Really Want Is It?

I mean you have to have a webhost to be able to host your website, but I’m betting if you are like me then you would rather partner up with someone who will help grow your business (as well as host your website)!

You may have an existing online business or you may be a complete ‘newbie’, whatever you’re level of experience you may feel that you are totally left on your own to get on with the mammoth task of marketing your site so that it rises above the ‘noise’ of the Internet and attracts the thousands of visitors you have heard everybody talking about!

When I started out I felt this way, so when I started this site I wanted to make sure nobody else had to struggle in setting up their own business and feel as if they were on their own with nobody to turn to.

If you need any help what so ever with your site we can help, we have specialist information on:

Article Marketing
Search Engine Optimization
Press Releases
Back linking Strategy’s
And tons more helpful information, all for free.

All the information we give you is specifically designed to make you successful in your endeavors, we also have a free forum if you need more ‘hands on’ help. You will never feel alone again.

Most webhosts will just take your money every month, they don’t care if you are successful, there are plenty of people to take your place!

We care, period, join our family today and rise above the ‘noise’!

[SusanLandry]

Hi John,

Here are some thoughts regarding your copy. Please keep in mind that these are intended to be helpful criticisms:

• Your headline is mind-boggling; it tripped me up instantly. It needs to be more clear and resonate with your readers. Something like, "Affordable, Reliable Web Hosting--Plus FREE Resources to Help You Generate More Traffic, Blow Away Your Competitors and Multiply Your Profits!" Well, you get the idea.

• The language in general is cumbersome. Read that first sentence out loud - does it flow? Does it make sense? Some of your sentences are so long and awkward that their meaning gets lost.

• It's not clear exactly what you're offering. Are you offering personalized assistance with Internet marketing - or just a database of articles and other self-help resources?

• You should include more details about the topics mentioned, i.e. "Learn how article marketing is a simple yet powerful tool for building credibility and driving more qualified traffic to your website."

• The closing line isn't appropriate for what you're selling. The phrases "we care" and "join our family" are used to death in the marketing world. They are better suited for…say, a local community bank.

I'm sure you'll get more feedback, but those are the issues that stood out for me the most.

[John Pawlett]

Thanks Susan

I appreciate any feedback, don't take it as criticism, like I said this is not my forte!

One to one I am an excellent communicator but I always seem to have trouble putting it into words on paper!

I am trying to turn an industry on it's head, webhosting has always been about technical aspects, nothing about helping the client.

Everybody does 'Affordable, Reliable Web Hosting' that is what I am trying to get away from.
Love your advice re article marketing and the other 'bullet' points, turn it from a feature to a benefit.

Many thanks

John

[Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter]

Hey John.

How are your prospects finding your page? Search? Ads? It helps to know a little about your prospect in order for us to give you advice on your copy.

The more we know the more powerful yet free advice we can supply!

[Andrew Gould]

Make your language more conversational, imagine you're just chatting to someone in a bar.

'whatever you’re level' drop the apostrophe.

I'm not sure what you're (I'm using the apostrophe to indicate a missing a, as in 'you are') offering. The headline says hosting but it's not really mentioned again. You need to make exactly what you're offering perfectly clear. And then make sure your prospects are perfectly clear as to why they should use your hosting over Hostgator or someone else.

[SusanLandry]

Hi John,

Well, my suggestion was only that; the point is that you need to know exactly what your prospects want and need and then create a headline that speaks to these needs. It's more important to state the benefits clearly than to write something that's unique and clever. A benefits-driven headline will win every time. Explain how you can solve your prospects' problems - then explain why you can do it better than your competitors.

[John Pawlett]

Thanks Guys

Kevin: My speciality is SEO I have dozens of page 1 listings for web hosting keywords, I also will get a ton of traffic from articles, JV's and affilaites. Traffic isn't an issue I want to make sure I can convert the traffic. There will be no PPC as it's not my bag.

Andrew: What I am really offering (as I am a Hostgator Reseller) is the best hosting available with a twist, the best free marketing techniques available.

Susan: Taken on board, many thanks.

Kind regards

John