Does my copy make you want to buy? - Best review wins the product!

[AustinLadyTam]

Originally Posted by Ross Bowring

Gurus get bashed so much. Why don't you break down what a guru really is... deconstruct the myth of the guru for your reader...

Expose them as simply having a solid skill-set in selling, list building, product development, etc. They're just regular folk like you and me who discovered some simple step-by-step secrets. No magic formula. No "maybe she's born with it" charisma.

In fact, you've bumped into some of them at seminars and they couldn't hold a conversation for two minutes.

Now you, as the reluctant hero, who was once so consumed with studying "Gurus" to find their secrets, only to be disappointed (but still keen to pocket Guru money) will guide them step-by-step to the secrets you discovered.

I would pay close attention to what Ross said...he's a damned good copywriter!

Now here's some honesty from me...

I'd wait 10-15 seconds to pop out that hover ad, make it smaller, and do NOT let it cover your headline.

Ditto to what the others said...the fence graphic and subhead make no sense. If it's supposed to be about getting off the fence, it fails. I would scrap it and come up with something totally new.

Headline doesn't work for me for the same reasons others stated...I have no reason to care what a girl from Denmark has to say.

In addition to what people have already said about your headline as far as not trusting a self-proclaimed guru, your headline is not specific enough. As a reader, I want to see actual numbers. How many hits on the site per day? What were the conversions? Instead of "...put loads of money in the bank", I want to see something like, "...bank $571.34 a DAY!:

And in the lines below your headline...no, I really don't think these newbies know the real secret to earning money online or they wouldn't be looking for courses. So I'd scrap that or significantly change it.

Generally, the sales letter is too short for your price point. Need more info in there, and more hooks and slippery slopes through the sales funnel.

[Collette]

Originally Posted by Maryleena

I am sorry guys I made a mistake in my last post.... It was very early for me in the morning and I think I am comming down with the flu :-(

Anyway, what I ment to say was the winner is still Nicola Lane and it is also her that I am going to work with.... Sorry for this misunderstanding...

And Collette, sorry if you got confused, it seems you would have been a great choise as a copywriter too... I'll keep that in mind! (there might be a next time, hopefully)

Love
Marlene

...

No confusion, Maryleena. If you had asked, I wouldn't be able to take on your project anyway, so it's good that you found a copywriter.

All the best,
Collette

[mhdeaton]

"A Mill in less than a year? Is this 21 year old Danish girl full of s**t?"

Thats a good headline!!!

[mhdeaton]

No offense Maryleena but if you really have top marketers marketing this, you won't have them for long because the conversions just aren't going to happen.

STOP being offended at what these pro's are telling you and pull out the yellow pad. Your defensive stance isn't going to line your pockets with cash.

Isn't that what it's really all about?? (CASH)

[Kay King]

Maryleena -

This thread was a series of critiques you asked for - most posting were not interested in getting a job or a prize. Just trying to help you out with honest evaluations of your copy. I'm sure Nicola will take all the replies into consideration and write a good sales page for you.

kay

[John_S]

most posting were not interested in getting a job or a prize.

Unfortunately for the people offering their products as "reward," the very reason they came here pretty much rules out being able to get people motivated through a compelling offer.

You're offering cooks cooking. You're offering shoes to shoemakers.

Worst of all, you're trying to convince yourself your products have value. That's really what's behind a lot of this. It's the same thing with startups trying to pass off the monopoly money they call stock. It's not a share of the company, it's a vote of confidence if they get people who accept it as payment.

They don't care about skill. They care about belief. That's what they're hiring.

Give it up. If I wanted your product -- that pretty tells you not to take my advice.

[gjabiz]

I said your copy SUCKS, and as such, it isn't worthy of critique. However, how about a side by side comparison of copy for a very similar product...with very similar titles.

Pull up your page and put it next to this one:

BecomeanInstantGuru.com :: How to Become Much More Famous in Your Niche or Industry Than You Are Right Now...Starting in 90 Days!

You want to offer an Instant Guru System. These guys say a person can become an Instant Guru. Hopefully, you will see some useful "tips" at their page.

gjabiz

PS. Hopefully, this site hasn't already been pointed out. It means there is nothing wrong with your title, after all, a similar title is being used by the gurus.

[Justin Mandel]

Here's some more stiff competition probably with a wicked sales video:
Rich Schefren's Instant Expert