Review My Site

CodyTemke · 03-09-2010, 08:44 AM

Hey Warriors!

Just wanted to hear what you guys thought about my sales page... Please be as hash as you want... Any feedback is good feeback. So don't hold non back lol i hope to get some feedback and make some changes to improve my sales page.

The sites URL is Titan-MuscleBuilding.com - Muscle Building Program | Gain Muscle Mass | A True Weight Training Program

Again thanks in advance for any feedback!!

John_S · 03-09-2010, 09:20 AM

Good job, you've hit most of the mistakes.

I don't see anything resembling a clear headline, I see the logo.

While not sure about muscle building -- didn't see evidence in the video -- I so see the tragedy of bad diction. Somebody said something, I'm not so sure what. From the lethargic tone it was unmistakably read from a script.

The crossed out prices had no credibility.

Good point was the belcher style button. Bad point was the sabotage of the belcher button.

Good point was the pX90 table. Bad point was it was in blue reversed out type.

Good point is As Seen On. Bad point, As Seen On all The Sites Accepting Linkspammed Self-Published Content. Good Morning America is good material for As Seen As. Not Your YouTube Channel.

If it was possible to fire the people who gave you testimonials, I'd look into that.

BigWig10 · 03-09-2010, 10:25 AM

As John mentioned, your page needs more credibility. Lose the As Seen On Youtube and Clickbank - no consumer is going to look at that and say, "Wow! Clickbank, I know exactly who they are! I'm sold." People who are buying products most likely have no idea what Clickbank is...or Hubpages...or Squidoo...or USFreeAds."

I can tell you put effort into this, but it's just not quite there yet. My #1 one suggestion is to work on providing credible sources of information for people interested in this product.

Ken_Caudill · 03-09-2010, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CodyTemke

Hey Warriors!

Just wanted to hear what you guys thought about my sales page... Please be as hash as you want... Any feedback is good feeback. So don't hold non back lol i hope to get some feedback and make some changes to improve my sales page.

The sites URL is Titan-MuscleBuilding.com - Muscle Building Program | Gain Muscle Mass | A True Weight Training Program

Again thanks in advance for any feedback!!

Lose the simply BS graphic in the header. It is unfortunate.

Make up your mind if you want to do a squeeze page or a sales page. They really are two different things.

The writing is, on the whole, atrocious. Way too many rambling sentences that should be shortened. Way too many adjectives. I'm not going into usage since it seems to be an article of faith among many that usage doesn't count in sales letters, but it does. Trust me.

In other words, you need an editor, dude.

I don't detect any empathy for your reader on the site. The message seems to be buy this, chump.

Consider your site a first draft. Take some time to consider what emotional needs your readers will have, then give them what they need.

Re-write it, then give it to someone who can correct usage errors.

Then, re-write it again.

There's sales copy in there somewhere.

The Copy Nazi · 03-09-2010, 10:39 AM

My God that page is a mess. Dude, the strongest thing you can do in this niche is the old "Before" and "After" shots. You're over-complicating things. You know what? Do yourself a favor and hire a decent copywriter because it's obvious you haven't a clue.

Great "After" photo BTW.

I read the struckthrough "BS" as "Simply BS". And that pretty much describes this page.

Hit your Mum up for a grand and throw it my way for the WSO I started today.

CodyTemke · 03-09-2010, 10:48 AM

Damn, haha thanks guys this is what i needed! You guys are sure openin my eyes here! i see there is alot of work to be done still!

Again thanks fellow Warriors!

If ya got any more let me have it haha =D

Charles Harper · 03-09-2010, 11:02 AM

Product development thing dude.

I think that you need some audio. Even if I was motivated, I am not gonna read an ebook on my computer about how to be buff, and do my diet.

But you clearly have a great product; but your offer is not irresistible yet.

If you are listbuilding (which I hope you are) and you implement some of the fixes, you are going to have a successful product when you roll it out to them.

If you are going to bring dudes to the offer cold, I am not sure this is going to get them all lathered up to do this.

What are you doing to drive traffic, because that would determine how to answer this question: List? SEO? SEO to Squeeze page?

To me that changes the equation as to how much time you spend on this.

A good example to me is how people are buzzing about a $77 from Alex Goad (myself included) and selling it will have little to do with his sales page. It will have everything to do with how he built up the value over time with his list.

By the time I got to the sales page, I didn't read it. I only wanted to see how much it cost (I didn't buy yet

). The sales page was incidental.

So to my point, I think it might help to know how you intend to promote this. It might be you would be better off asking for help on your autoresponder sequence or your blog video sequence.

CT

BigWig10 · 03-10-2010, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CodyTemke

Damn, haha thanks guys this is what i needed! You guys are sure openin my eyes here! i see there is alot of work to be done still!

Again thanks fellow Warriors!

If ya got any more let me have it haha =D

I think its cool that you are open to criticism 2. It makes us all better at what we do.

aaallday2010 · 03-10-2010, 11:15 AM

Yes, i agree with the As Seen On stuff mentioned by BigWig. Even if someone is familiar with most of those sites, it means absolutely nothing. I always look at that as an attempt to gain credibility where no credibility is due.

Not saying your product isn't any good, but first impressions are vital.

Too many marketers are using this strategy and it's starting to look tacky.

Now, if you can get your website mentioned in some REAL muscle building websites, then you should use this marketing strategy.

But overall, I like what you have done. Keep up the good work.

Collette · 03-10-2010, 11:29 AM

Product problem.

This is a bunch of e-books. So, if I work out at the gym, how does this work for me? I'm taking my Kindle to the gym?

Not.

If I'm working out at home, I'll need to have room in front of my computer to perform the exercises?

Not.

I'm going to go down to Office Depot and print out everything, bind it and schlep it all home?

Not.

Make it easy for me to use your product.

Supplementing the information with written material is fine, but having the whole program as e-books is a weak proposition in today's market. You're competing against the umpteen watch-and-do video programs sold on the Internet and with infomercials.

You'll probably sell some... but this - as is - is not poised to be a blockbuster.

Moolah_Copywriting · 03-10-2010, 03:26 PM

Cody,
Where are your benefit bullets? Those anemic puppies you got masquerading as bullets are seriously underselling your product.

Bullets are key for jacking up the emotional impact of your copy. They turn your features into thought-provoking reasons to buy. AND they push up curiosity meter on your entire salesletter.

I'm finding that bullets are getting short-shrift these days and it's a crying shame - don't make me cry dude...

Stan

rjaf · 03-11-2010, 06:18 AM

Hi Cody,

I think your site is pretty damn good!

I would recommend having another look at the font, though: it looks a bit hazy (anti-aliased?) and there are a few minor inconsistencies (the para after "Has Been Featured On Countless Websites", for example, has unmatched font style).

Some great advice from Stephen King is to put your beloved, best-in-the-known-universe, newly-written novel away for a week or so (no peeking!), then go back to it. You'll puke at the errors, but when you've put them right, you've made it infinitely better. Good advice, I think. Move on to the next idea, and return to this one later. Waiting 10 days to fix this site will pay you back in spades.

And the very best of luck with it!

Richard

TheGraduate · 03-13-2010, 10:11 AM

Attention: drop the youtube player immediately !!!, using the youtube player in your particular niche is a NO NO

Compare what you see as soon as your minisite
uploads in the browser with this

another thing (no offense to you): Look for the strongest/most ripped guy in your gym and have him make that video pitch for you with his shirt off while exercising!!

Now you know that the bodybuilding industry is one of the flashiest out there, I would flash up and hype up your minisite if I was you, that is what body builders are used to see!

.

03-09-2010, 09:20 AM	#2
John_S Advanced Warrior Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: , , . Posts: 863 Thanks: 25 Thanked 399 Times in 234 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Good job, you've hit most of the mistakes. I don't see anything resembling a clear headline, I see the logo. While not sure about muscle building -- didn't see evidence in the video -- I so see the tragedy of bad diction. Somebody said something, I'm not so sure what. From the lethargic tone it was unmistakably read from a script. The crossed out prices had no credibility. Good point was the belcher style button. Bad point was the sabotage of the belcher button. Good point was the pX90 table. Bad point was it was in blue reversed out type. Good point is As Seen On. Bad point, As Seen On all The Sites Accepting Linkspammed Self-Published Content. Good Morning America is good material for As Seen As. Not Your YouTube Channel. If it was possible to fire the people who gave you testimonials, I'd look into that.

03-09-2010, 10:25 AM	#3
BigWig10 Wig Master Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 15 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Social Networking	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back As John mentioned, your page needs more credibility. Lose the As Seen On Youtube and Clickbank - no consumer is going to look at that and say, "Wow! Clickbank, I know exactly who they are! I'm sold." People who are buying products most likely have no idea what Clickbank is...or Hubpages...or Squidoo...or USFreeAds." I can tell you put effort into this, but it's just not quite there yet. My #1 one suggestion is to work on providing credible sources of information for people interested in this product.

03-09-2010, 10:39 AM	#5
The Copy Nazi Mal Lambe War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Bunker, Paris Posts: 2,486 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 791 Thanked 1,480 Times in 701 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back My God that page is a mess. Dude, the strongest thing you can do in this niche is the old "Before" and "After" shots. You're over-complicating things. You know what? Do yourself a favor and hire a decent copywriter because it's obvious you haven't a clue. Great "After" photo BTW. I read the struckthrough "BS" as "Simply BS". And that pretty much describes this page. Hit your Mum up for a grand and throw it my way for the WSO I started today.

03-09-2010, 10:48 AM	#6
CodyTemke Active Warrior Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 50 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Damn, haha thanks guys this is what i needed! You guys are sure openin my eyes here! i see there is alot of work to be done still! Again thanks fellow Warriors! If ya got any more let me have it haha =D

03-09-2010, 11:02 AM	#7
Charles Harper The Real Charlie Harper War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Harrisburg, Pa Posts: 1,243 Blog Entries: 23 Thanks: 337 Thanked 175 Times in 135 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Product development thing dude. I think that you need some audio. Even if I was motivated, I am not gonna read an ebook on my computer about how to be buff, and do my diet. But you clearly have a great product; but your offer is not irresistible yet. If you are listbuilding (which I hope you are) and you implement some of the fixes, you are going to have a successful product when you roll it out to them. If you are going to bring dudes to the offer cold, I am not sure this is going to get them all lathered up to do this. What are you doing to drive traffic, because that would determine how to answer this question: List? SEO? SEO to Squeeze page? To me that changes the equation as to how much time you spend on this. A good example to me is how people are buzzing about a $77 from Alex Goad (myself included) and selling it will have little to do with his sales page. It will have everything to do with how he built up the value over time with his list. By the time I got to the sales page, I didn't read it. I only wanted to see how much it cost (I didn't buy yet ). The sales page was incidental. So to my point, I think it might help to know how you intend to promote this. It might be you would be better off asking for help on your autoresponder sequence or your blog video sequence. CT

03-09-2010, 08:44 AM	#1
CodyTemke Active Warrior Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 50 Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Review My Site - Don't hold back Hey Warriors! Just wanted to hear what you guys thought about my sales page... Please be as hash as you want... Any feedback is good feeback. So don't hold non back lol i hope to get some feedback and make some changes to improve my sales page. The sites URL is Titan-MuscleBuilding.com - Muscle Building Program \| Gain Muscle Mass \| A True Weight Training Program Again thanks in advance for any feedback!!

03-10-2010, 11:15 AM	#9
aaallday2010 HyperActive Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Here and there Posts: 264 Thanks: 90 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Yes, i agree with the As Seen On stuff mentioned by BigWig. Even if someone is familiar with most of those sites, it means absolutely nothing. I always look at that as an attempt to gain credibility where no credibility is due. Not saying your product isn't any good, but first impressions are vital. Too many marketers are using this strategy and it's starting to look tacky. Now, if you can get your website mentioned in some REAL muscle building websites, then you should use this marketing strategy. But overall, I like what you have done. Keep up the good work.

03-10-2010, 11:29 AM	#10
Collette Advanced Warrior War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: alicubi super pluvia Posts: 787 Thanks: 242 Thanked 527 Times in 265 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Product problem. This is a bunch of e-books. So, if I work out at the gym, how does this work for me? I'm taking my Kindle to the gym? Not. If I'm working out at home, I'll need to have room in front of my computer to perform the exercises? Not. I'm going to go down to Office Depot and print out everything, bind it and schlep it all home? Not. Make it easy for me to use your product. Supplementing the information with written material is fine, but having the whole program as e-books is a weak proposition in today's market. You're competing against the umpteen watch-and-do video programs sold on the Internet and with infomercials. You'll probably sell some... but this - as is - is not poised to be a blockbuster.

03-10-2010, 03:26 PM	#11
Moolah_Copywriting Warrior Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 88 Thanks: 11 Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Cody, Where are your benefit bullets? Those anemic puppies you got masquerading as bullets are seriously underselling your product. Bullets are key for jacking up the emotional impact of your copy. They turn your features into thought-provoking reasons to buy. AND they push up curiosity meter on your entire salesletter. I'm finding that bullets are getting short-shrift these days and it's a crying shame - don't make me cry dude... Stan
	What's On Your Mind? Ask me your copywriting question or just drop me a "hello"

03-11-2010, 06:18 AM	#12
rjaf Active Warrior Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 97 Thanks: 15 Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Hi Cody, I think your site is pretty damn good! I would recommend having another look at the font, though: it looks a bit hazy (anti-aliased?) and there are a few minor inconsistencies (the para after "Has Been Featured On Countless Websites", for example, has unmatched font style). Some great advice from Stephen King is to put your beloved, best-in-the-known-universe, newly-written novel away for a week or so (no peeking!), then go back to it. You'll puke at the errors, but when you've put them right, you've made it infinitely better. Good advice, I think. Move on to the next idea, and return to this one later. Waiting 10 days to fix this site will pay you back in spades. And the very best of luck with it! Richard

03-13-2010, 10:11 AM	#13
TheGraduate Golden Warrior Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: United States Posts: 188 Thanks: 40 Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts	Re: Review My Site - Don't hold back Attention: drop the youtube player immediately !!!, using the youtube player in your particular niche is a NO NO Compare what you see as soon as your minisite uploads in the browser with this another thing (no offense to you): Look for the strongest/most ripped guy in your gym and have him make that video pitch for you with his shirt off while exercising!! Now you know that the bodybuilding industry is one of the flashiest out there, I would flash up and hype up your minisite if I was you, that is what body builders are used to see! .
	amazing product coming soon!