Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective.

shabit87 · 03-19-2010, 06:06 PM

Please share your thoughts on this heading and subheading. I want to post a WSO tomorrow, but thought it might be a good idea to get some feedback first.

Some know the mental results from a past thread, now learn the financial results!

I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House, and the results? I got motivated to succeed!

Warning!

If you’re not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW!

I’m going to show you how a tragedy motivated me to get serious about internet marketing and how it led me to profit $200 in 30 minutes.

dtendrich · 03-19-2010, 06:16 PM

Hey,

Great start. I'd incorporate the benefit a bit more into the headline..

So, for example...

I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House... And the result? I figured out how to make $200 in 30 minutes online.

True story: See how I did it below - and how you can do it too... Without being robbed ;-)

Hope this helps,
David

Moolah_Copywriting · 03-19-2010, 06:47 PM

Love it...You're almost there. The last part "I got motivated to succeed" actually completes the headline and give the reader no reason to go further.

Try this instead...

I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House before I learned this "street-smart" money-making secret...

Be careful about the tough love in your original headline - people want help not a kick in the butt (even though that may be what they need). People rarely blame themselves for lack of success so they won't understand the "whining" bit.

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 01:18 AM

Shabit, two days ago I suggested in your original front page thread (post #21) you run a WSO with this head -

"I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ..."

The advice still stands. You don't need anything else. That's what I call a "grab 'em by the cojones" headline. 100% of your visitors are going to read on. You have them hooked. You just need to reel 'em in. But lose this - "

Warning!

If you’re not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW!

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 04:11 AM

Seems she used my headline in a WSO but got herself banned -

Quote:

This WSO has been locked following blatant promotion in the main forum and through PM spamming.

JohnTaylor

Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter · 03-20-2010, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metronicity

Seems she used my headline in a WSO but got herself banned -

Trouble follows you...

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 05:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter

Trouble follows you...

It's my middle name.

Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter · 03-20-2010, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metronicity

It's my middle name.

I thought "Danger" was your middle name?

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter

I thought "Danger" was your middle name?

Actually it's "Lucky".

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 05:31 AM

Anyway...she could whine or she could turn this to her advantage -

"I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ...
got myself banned from the Warrior Forum"

...don't let this happen to you.

Alexa Smith · 03-20-2010, 05:45 AM

"I thought I had problems when I was robbed at gunpoint, but a while later I was banned at the Warrior Forum!!"

travlinguy · 03-20-2010, 06:10 AM

"I Robbed People At Gunpoint And Branded Myself As A Good Guy"

Discover The Dirty Little Secrets That Will Allow
You To Do The Same...

Robin Hood

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 06:17 AM

"I was robbed by two men" was part of a meme getting around last year. 2:22 in this video -

YouTube - Take Anything You Want- Japanese...

Note the comments - "Why is George Constanza wearing a bra on his head?"

And the guy at the end sounds like Maxwell Smart.

The Copy Nazi · 03-20-2010, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travlinguy

"I Robbed People At Gunpoint And Branded Myself As A Good Guy"

Discover The Dirty Little Secrets That Will Allow
You Do Do The Same...

Robin Hood

Yeah man...I'm up for some of that "Do Do" - is it good?

Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter · 03-20-2010, 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nathan Segal

A point of clarification here (and I'm sure most of you know this anyway).

What's interesting about this thread is what happened last night. My girlfriend wrote a post of support for the OP, and a short time later, was spammed with a PM promoting her WSO. Obviously it wasn't a one time thing. Both of us made posts about the deception and manipulation, then woke up this am to find the OP's thread deleted and her WSO locked. It seems we weren't the only ones who complained.

I'm working on software now to scrape the PM links for every member of the WF then automatically send each one a PM whenever I have a WSO. Do you think it will get me in trouble?

dtendrich · 03-20-2010, 10:22 AM

Put it in a WSO. I wanna buy it.

Andrew Gould · 03-20-2010, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter

I'm working on software now to scrape the PM links for every member of the WF then automatically send each one a PM whenever I have a WSO. Do you think it will get me in trouble?

Of course it won't! As this is a forum for marketers I expect most of them will thank you for your ingenious idea.

But you're not thinking big enough. Why not use your PM list to promote high paying CPA offers and adult sites. What can go wrong?

And after you've milked it for everything it's worth you can then sell the list on BlueFart forums. Easy money.

With thinking like this you're destined for great things, I applaud you.

If anyone actually does this please don't ban me, it's all Kevin's idea, he made me do it.

Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter · 03-20-2010, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew Gould

Of course it won't! As this is a forum for marketers I expect most of them will thank you for your ingenious idea.

But you're not thinking big enough. Why not use your PM list to promote high paying CPA offers and adult sites. What can go wrong?

And after you've milked it for everything it's worth you can then sell the list on BlueFart forums. Easy money.

With thinking like this you're destined for great things, I applaud you.

If anyone actually does this please don't ban me, it's all Kevin's idea, he made me do it.

Ethics is an interesting thing here...

It's considered bad form to promote things like page cloaking, flogs, etc. but PLR which is designed just to spam Google is completely ethical.

I wonder what would happen if we actually discussed the morality of PLR compared to other types of spam?

I didn't say this...I was never here...

03-19-2010, 06:06 PM	#1
shabit87 Ryan (R.C.) Rice War Room Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Atlanta Posts: 875 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 131 Thanked 326 Times in 109 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Please share your thoughts on this heading and subheading. I want to post a WSO tomorrow, but thought it might be a good idea to get some feedback first. Some know the mental results from a past thread, now learn the financial results! I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House, and the results? I got motivated to succeed! Warning! If you’re not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW! I’m going to show you how a tragedy motivated me to get serious about internet marketing and how it led me to profit $200 in 30 minutes.
	Make a website & 8 days later, pocket $1500 Just Like I Did! Why "simple" methods aren't working for you. Free little tip.

03-19-2010, 06:16 PM	#2
dtendrich Writer of Copy War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 160 Thanks: 16 Thanked 37 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Hey, Great start. I'd incorporate the benefit a bit more into the headline.. So, for example... I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House... And the result? I figured out how to make $200 in 30 minutes online. True story: See how I did it below - and how you can do it too... Without being robbed ;-) Hope this helps, David
	Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me. Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide. Write your life. David Tendrich

03-19-2010, 06:47 PM	#3
Moolah_Copywriting Warrior Copywriter War Room Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 88 Thanks: 11 Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Love it...You're almost there. The last part "I got motivated to succeed" actually completes the headline and give the reader no reason to go further. Try this instead... I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House before I learned this "street-smart" money-making secret... Be careful about the tough love in your original headline - people want help not a kick in the butt (even though that may be what they need). People rarely blame themselves for lack of success so they won't understand the "whining" bit.
	What's On Your Mind? Ask me your copywriting question or just drop me a "hello"

03-20-2010, 01:18 AM	#4
The Copy Nazi Mal Lambe War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Bunker, Paris Posts: 2,486 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 791 Thanked 1,480 Times in 701 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Shabit, two days ago I suggested in your original front page thread (post #21) you run a WSO with this head - "I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ..." The advice still stands. You don't need anything else. That's what I call a "grab 'em by the cojones" headline. 100% of your visitors are going to read on. You have them hooked. You just need to reel 'em in. But lose this - " Warning! If you’re not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW!

03-20-2010, 05:31 AM	#10
The Copy Nazi Mal Lambe War Room Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Bunker, Paris Posts: 2,486 Blog Entries: 2 Thanks: 791 Thanked 1,480 Times in 701 Posts Social Networking Contact Info	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Anyway...she could whine or she could turn this to her advantage - "I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ... got myself banned from the Warrior Forum" ...don't let this happen to you.

03-20-2010, 05:45 AM	#11
Alexa Smith Wordsmith (& Skepchick) War Room Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 15,337 Thanks: 8,710 Thanked 11,470 Times in 5,829 Posts	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. "I thought I had problems when I was robbed at gunpoint, but a while later I was banned at the Warrior Forum!!"
	Alexa Smith ... ... writes stuff that snaps, crackles and pops, even if it's only about cauliflowers.

03-20-2010, 06:10 AM	#12
travlinguy Senior Warrior Member War Room Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Northern Hemisphere, for now. Posts: 2,937 Thanks: 1,315 Thanked 1,634 Times in 955 Posts Contact Info	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. "I Robbed People At Gunpoint And Branded Myself As A Good Guy" Discover The Dirty Little Secrets That Will Allow You To Do The Same... Robin Hood
	How To Launch A Successful WSO \| WSO Of The Day \| 2941 Power Swipes To Improve Your Writing! Last edited by travlinguy; 03-20-2010 at 06:34 AM. Reason: Had to get rid of the do do

03-20-2010, 10:22 AM	#16
dtendrich Writer of Copy War Room Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 160 Thanks: 16 Thanked 37 Times in 19 Posts	Re: Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective. Put it in a WSO. I wanna buy it.
	Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me. Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide. Write your life. David Tendrich