Could anyone thrown me some headline suggestions?

[IRON_STRONG]

Stewart, How About a 100% FREE Instructional Fitness Course, to Help You Burn Fat, Build Lean Sexy Muscle and Revamp Your Body and Your Life in 12 Weeks or Less – All In the Comfort Of Your Very Own Home?

this is a headline for a personal letter, used to get prospects to signup for my FREE fitness system (DVD, Work Books, Fitnes Analysis, and Free personal training session.)

anyone like this headline or think there is one thats better suited? ideal customer is middle aged men and women of very high affluency (250K + per year) with kids interested in health and fitness.

thanks all!

[Eric Engel]

When I first read your post, I thought you were saying "with kids...and the kids are interested in health and fitness."

ha ha

[Eric Engel]

I think your headline focuses too much on Free. I mean it's the first thing you say, so people have automatically given you the 'worthless' label before they even get to the rest of your headline.

[Kevin Rogers]

Since there are so many similar offers, a better focus might be the time frame (12 weeks) - that's a better trigger to get them imagining the transformation. Also, speak to the ease of the program.

Something like:

Stewart, Imagine Looking At Your Totally Revamped Body In The Mirror Just 12 Weeks From Today... My FREE Fitness Course Helps You Burn Stubborn Fat, Build Lean Sexy Muscle And Skyrocket Your Energy... In Just Minutes A Day From The Comfort Of Home!

[colmodwyer]

I think the benefits are good but again FREE suggest it's not worth much and it triggers skepticism - "Free? Nothing is free, I know there's a catch so i'll bin this without reading."

Thus, you might want re-position (test drive, risk-free, discovery offer etc) or handle the objection head on - "Why Is [YOUR NAME] Giving You A FREE blah..."

Considering the demographics too; your market has the money so price isn't going to be your biggest barrier, it will be creating the belief that you can walk the talk and really get them the health & fitness results they desire.

On the other hand, I'm sure "free" still pulls it's weight with regards to bang for buck too because quite a lot of marketer's do use it in their headlines given the chance; I think you just need to be a bit more savvy on exactly how you use it.

As you know though, there's only one way to know for sure what's best.

Colm

[IRON_STRONG]

Thank you all,

the letter had put out pulled 6% response the last mailing i am running it again with a more fitness targted and more affluent list with 400 total peices.

i was a bit worried about the headline i feel my response could be better with a more quality sounding prestigious angle.

BTW David Johnson a rather new copywriter around here wrote the letter that pulled that 6% for me its a fabulous one and this time i am sending it out a a completely simulated personal letter on yellow legal paper, it looks absolutly fabulous!.

colm do you have any suggestions for a type of headline that would work well with highly affluent people? i am think of revising the letter to turn it more into a "are you keeping up with the jones'? " type of exclusive private membership (becuase that in fact is what it is...) whats your opinion?

[IRON_STRONG]

kevin thank you for the headline suggestion i like that very much...

[zapseo]

I really like Colm's idea for "free" -- thanks, Colm! (swipe.)

For Kevin's headline:

Stewart, Imagine Looking At Your Totally Revamped Body In The Mirror Just 12 Weeks From Today... My FREE Fitness Course Helps You Burn Stubborn Fat, Build Lean Sexy Muscle And Skyrocket Your Energy... In Just Minutes A Day From The Comfort Of Home!

I'd be curious to know if reshuffling words a bit would make a difference...e.g.,

"Stewart, Imagine...In Just 12 Weeks From Today, You Could Be Looking At Your Totally Revamped Body...

(or, more interestingly, what if it were "they" who are oohing and ahhing over your totally revamped body ?? We're dealing with vanity here...

And a little bit of incredulity ...

A Body Contoured With Sexy, Lean Muscle That You Now Have The Body You've Always Dreamed Of, But Never Thought You Could Have...
(that could be tightened way up, but it's the general idea.)

So...maybe you could even start with that ...
Imagine...In Just 12 Weeks You Could Have The Lean. Sexy Body You've Always Dreamed About, But Never Thought You'd Have...

(and, if you have the letters sorted by male/female -- emphasize the oohsa and aahs )

Or....if you really want to play heavy duty ... use the idea that the person whose body they most admire comes up and asks "what's your secret?"

[IRON_STRONG]

wonderful ideas! THANK YOU VERY MUCH THAT JUST LIT A HUGE SPARK ! because im simulating personal letters i will divide them up by gender, for the women becuase vanity is such a heavy hiter, play the admiration angle women love when other women want what they have, and they love it een more when their men want them too...:

"Imagine Jannet... Just Twelve Weeks From Today, The Look On All The Girls Faces - As you Step In Wearing That Little Black Dress, And Devilishly Sexy High Heels They Could Never Pull Off, Contoured With All The Right Curves..."

Now for the men, we all love when women cant stop staring, but when it comes to guys and their bodies, we love it even more when our buddy's get jealous at our 21 inch guns and stronger than theirs chest so...

"Just Imagine Jack... 12 Weeks From Now, Your At The Local Gym And The Trainer Walks Over And Ask's YOU What You've Been Doing to Get your Arms and Chest So Rediculously Chisled..."

How do those sound anyone? anyone think of a way i can throw in the fact that this is an exclusive a-list service that is limited to only the most qualified blah blah, the rich people love "A-List" Charter memberships and things like what i have here...

[colmodwyer]

colm do you have any suggestions for a type of headline that would work well with highly affluent people? i am think of revising the letter to turn it more into a "are you keeping up with the jones'? " type of exclusive private membership (becuase that in fact is what it is...) whats your opinion?

You should buy Dan Kennedy's new book -> "Marketing To The Affluent!"

Interestingly enough, I work with the best copywriter in the fitness industry; and the most succesful ($$$ for fit-biz owners) package he has written to date has a totally blind, curiosity driven headline so there's one way to think about going.

What I would say though is you need to know your stuff doing that because it's a bit risky. Again though, this is a serious million dollar producing winner so worth a ponder.

Going through that letter now, I see he's also crafted it around a FREE offer, without actually positioning it as such; so again Eric and Kevin's initial assumptions about what to focus on appear well founded.

Up your mailing to 500 and do a cheeky wee split-test; blind Vs. benefit and see what happens, that'll give you a definite answer (for that split-test anyway). One new client and it should be cash back so that might be the best way to go... If the current letter you are mailing is profitable now though, keep it as the control obviously.

I'm sure being gender specific will almost definitely boost your response too so you're spot on there (I reckon).

i am think of revising the letter to turn it more into a "are you keeping up with the jones'? " type of exclusive private membership (becuase that in fact is what it is...) whats your opinion?

Your target market is middle aged and they're starting to feel it and see it; convincing them that you can "reverse" that aging process and get them the results they desire is the first thing you need to worry about... VIP clubs, exclusive etc might wash with the yuppy crowd but I don't think it's what you're after here... At least not as your main selling point... You'll know better than I, but that's what my gut tells me anyway.

Colm

[Paul Coleman]

How about:

Stewart, I've found a way to get fit, gain energy, and make it count as family time. Interested?

Paul

[Eric Engel]

middle aged and they're starting to feel it and see it

Yeah...my kids still want me to play the same games we played when I was 25 and they were 3. Ouch. I was hoping they'd outgrow it. I certainly did.

Last month I tried to jump up in the truck bed the way I always do...and I didn't make it for some reason. Landed on my butt in the middle of the driveway.

You see with men, it's not always about 'fit' or about 'trim'. Sometimes it's a matter of functionality. I just can't do what I used to be able to do. And I can't stand letting my snotty 23 year old brother do it for me.

Of course, I'm not your target market because I never was into the fitness thing. BUT--think blue ocean here.

[DavidJohnson]

JOSH!

How about,

"Stewart, Imagine Being as Healthy and in Shape as you are Successful. In just 12 Short Weeks or Less you can Totally Revamp your Body into a Sexy, Well Oiled Machine using my FREE in-home Personal Fitness Course."

I wish you all the success.

[oboi2121]

If you have any stories use a story headline that is very specific like,

"Learn How A 47 Year Old Secretary And Mother Of Two, Went From XXX lbs To Lost XXX lbs., In XXX Days From Home Just By (Taking XYZ or Doing XYZ 5 Minutes A Day)."

Make sure the story is true and be very specific, like when talking about money don't say $1200.00 say the exact amount, $1200.27. Hopefully this is helpful.

Omari Taylor
"Service To Many Leads To Greatness!"

[zapseo]

Thanks, Colm -- about the reminder about middle-aged.

It's really going to be a tough cut. I believe Harlan Kilstein said that weight-loss motivation goes in 2 different directions, depending upon age.
For younger, it's more vanity; for older, it's more about health. So, the difference between middle-aged 40-50, and middle-aged 50-60 could be fairly distinct.

My guess is, for the affuent -- they probably already are doing something about their health, though.

Tying their CONTINUED success into their health and vitality might be a good theme -- though not necessarily the central theme. Over 40, and especially over 50 -- concerns about layoff, being passed over promotion, unable to get another job are VERY REAL. Of course, if the person is a self-employed professional -- that does vary some.

You might look into some of the trends in plastic surgery -- both men and women. And the reason is less for vanity than for job reaons. Looking "tired" and "old" can easily get one booted on the street in favor of the person who looks young, vigorous and energetic.

Omari -- not sure "secretary" is going to be someone that the affluent relate to.

[IRON_STRONG]

most of these people are business owners, doctors, lawyers, busy people who dont have the time to do anything about their health and fitness... Dan kennedy in his new book states the rich love convienince and exclusivity - ithink thats the direction i'll go i think im spot on this really explains all of my current clientele...

[IRON_STRONG]

they love the private raquet clubs, they love private service and they love results... you'd be surprised most of my current A-List clientele are between 45-60 and they all are interested in looking and feeling younger, brining back the sex into their lives, and fluanting their new bodies and there private in home trainer - then they end up getting the whole family and closest freinds in on it as well...

[zapseo]

makes sense...ANY personal service is, by it's nature, going to be "exclusive".

"Only 100 Women Have The Opportunity To Be Transformed In Just 12 Easy Weeks"

(weak, but the general idea...100 is probably too many. Maybe "Only A Few Women Will...")

Does Dan talk about whether an application process works well for the affluent?

Hmmmm....a "credit card" (or "club" card) grabber might be good here.
Something with real exotic cool, like all black with gold lettering....

Then the "exclusivity" would be "applying" to get that "exclusive card" with their name on it.

So...along with the "plastic surgery" angle -- there are always "ladders" to climb -- if you are an employee, it's promotion; if it's a professional, it's joining country clubs, being elected to offices in professional organizations, etc.

[zapseo]

Originally Posted by IRON_STRONG

they love the private raquet clubs, they love private service and they love results... you'd be surprised most of my current A-List clientele are between 45-60 and they all are interested in looking and feeling younger, brining back the sex into their lives, and fluanting their new bodies and there private in home trainer - then they end up getting the whole family and closest freinds in on it as well...

Us old codgers ALL want to look & feel younger -- especially feel younger.

Hmmm....definitely gives me some intereseting ideas, but I don't know enough about your situation.

oooohhh..... Got testimonials for some of that ?

thought idea: "You better hurry before I get all my girlfriends in and there won't be any places left for you."

Now that's not exact ...it's just a germ of an idea I'm throwing out there.

Obviously, if you've already got word-of-mouth referral going on, definitely do whatever will work to amp that up!

[zapseo]

And "free" would seem to work against "exclusivity"...

If it's "free" then anyone can get it...

[IRON_STRONG]

Originally Posted by zapseo

makes sense...ANY personal service is, by it's nature, going to be "exclusive".

"Only 100 Women Have The Opportunity To Be Transformed In Just 12 Easy Weeks"

(weak, but the general idea...100 is probably too many. Maybe "Only A Few Women Will...")

Does Dan talk about whether an application process works well for the affluent?

Hmmmm....a "credit card" (or "club" card) grabber might be good here.
Something with real exotic cool, like all black with gold lettering....

Then the "exclusivity" would be "applying" to get that "exclusive card" with their name on it.

So...along with the "plastic surgery" angle -- there are always "ladders" to climb -- if you are an employee, it's promotion; if it's a professional, it's joining country clubs, being elected to offices in professional organizations, etc.

Awsome, thats a great idea, and yes that has just become part of this new promo, im making it a Tiral Platinum membership BY STRICT Application only! very limited space, only 10 "a-list" clients per trainer - teams backed by award wining fitness and nutrition experts. i think this will work very well

thank you Zap

[ThomasW]

Stewart,

Discover Why Families Who Can Afford To Go To The Best Health Clubs In America, Are Choosing Virtual Health Clubs To Get Fit, And Stay Fit.

Affluent men and women aren't fooled by FREE. They know that you get what you pay for. They are looking for time savings. Time is their money.
Easy - can be done at home-quality-identifiable personality + winner.

And the whole family can exercise together - or separately at their own pace.

Good Luck with your project!

[zapseo]

Originally Posted by IRON_STRONG

thank you Zap

Zap points to the "thanks" button at the bottom right of the post.

No no no, not THIS post. The post you are thanking me for.


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Judy Kettenhofen, Profit Strategist/Copywriter
NextDay Copy