relaunching a site need feedback

[thesuccesscoach]

hi there

I am relaunching iclickuniversity.com and have the original sales letter that myself and terry wrote up, the idea behind the site is a 43 step approach to get a business online. The course is not about getting rich etc but getting the skills you need to build up a business.

The site will be a stepping stone to other products and services that will extend the learning of the individual.

I'd like your feedback on current copy
Start Your Own Small Business On The Internet - Terry Telford and Richard Butler Teach You How At iClick Universtiy

thanks guys

R

[Daniel Sanchez]

That headline is confusing.

I have no idea what the point of learning about elephants...

Honestly I think anyone would click off right away after reading that.

How about keeping it simple:

"Can you develop a second income easily without a second job?"

Gets attention

Revelant to market

Challenge

Makes someone want to read on

Done.


Ok, first paragraph needs a re-write...needs to create more interest.

Honestly: whole thing needs a re-write. Why?

Missing a USP (and if it's there I don't see it)

Benefits...need more and need to written with more impact.

More objection killing

ie. I added "easily" in the headline. One of the first things about this market is they think "Well that would be nice, but it's probably going to be too hard or take too long"

and etc.

That's why you hire copywriter's for the big bucks.

That said, the look of the site is clean, very unlike other "scam like" internet marketing sites which will really work in you favor. I also like the testimonials format. Appealing and readable.

[thesuccesscoach]

thanks for the feedback i'll rework some of the ideas

[Loren Woirhaye]

Vague "what the heck?" headline. Maybe it's an Irish thing.

Have you looked at this site on a netbook? That header eats
a lot of real estate. I don't think such a wide header carries
it's weight here.

[thesuccesscoach]

thanks for the comments lol an irish thing love it!

[Ross Bowring]

Richard, the headline is way too cute and requires too much mental "work" to process.

The entire letter needs to be made more dynamic... not hype-y... but more energetic in how it reads. You can do that through better word choices, a less "boxy" layout with fewer 4 to five line paragraphs. Integrating testimonials into the copy.

You could really use a copywriter. But if you want to do it yourself then the War Room report in my signature will give you a ton of ideas for how to self-improve the letter.

[thesuccesscoach]

wow thanks so much will do